Counseling Blog

What does it mean to truly know who you are? During Pride Month, we celebrate the beauty of diverse identities and the courage it takes to live authentically. But beyond the labels and roles, there is a deeper essence waiting to be seen—a core self that exists beneath the surface. At Elemental Wellness, we believe that reconnecting with this essence is both a sacred and scientific journey. And breath is the bridge. The Breath: A Portal to the Subconscious Yin Breathwork, rooted in Leonard Orr’s Rebirthing Breathwork, offers a gentle yet profound way to access inner truth: not through thinking, but through feeling and presence. This form of conscious, connected breathing helps shift our awareness from the everyday, thinking mind (conscious) to the deeper, quieter terrain of the subconscious. Why does this matter? Because the subconscious holds the stories, emotional imprints, and beliefs we’ve absorbed, often unconsciously, from culture, family, and lived experience. These inner patterns shape how we see ourselves and how freely we live out our identities. Through slow, circular breath, Yin Breathwork helps bypass habitual thought loops and opens the door to neuroplasticity: the brain’s natural ability to rewire. When we breathe with intention and softness, we create a relaxed yet alert state, similar to light meditation or REM sleep, where old emotional imprints can surface and be gently released. Science Meets Soul: The Nervous System and Breath From a physiological perspective, breath is one of the few automatic functions we can consciously control. When we slow and deepen our breathing, we signal safety to the brain through the vagus nerve, activating the parasympathetic nervous system, our body’s natural state of rest and repair. This matters deeply for identity work. If we've lived in fight-or-flight, bracing against judgment, discrimination, or internalized shame, our nervous system may associate authenticity with risk. But breath offers another way. It teaches the body that it is safe to soften, to open, to be seen. Over time, regular Yin Breathwork can help regulate the nervous system, reduce anxiety, and increase emotional resilience. It becomes a quiet revolution within: an unlearning of fear and a return to inner freedom. Identity: A Living, Breathing Process We often think of identity as something to define or declare. But what if identity is not fixed, but fluid? What if it’s something we remember , layer by layer, breath by breath? In a Yin Breathwork session, there is no need to force answers. We simply lie back and breathe, allowing what wants to emerge to rise. The experience can feel meditative, emotional, or quietly powerful. As tension releases from the body, insight often follows about who we are beneath the roles, the expectations, the old stories. Rather than striving for authenticity, we relax into it . This isn’t a quick fix. It’s a return to the self—a remembering of what has always been there. And in that remembering, healing happens Pride as a Return to Wholeness Whether you're navigating your gender, sexuality, cultural heritage, or your evolving sense of self, Yin Breathwork offers a sanctuary—a space to return to your body and your truth. There’s no performance. No pressure. Just breath. Just presence. Just you. This Pride, instead of stepping out, we invite you to step in. To soften. To listen. To discover who you are beneath the noise gently, fully, and unapologetically. Yin Breathwork isn’t about changing yourself; it’s about remembering who you’ve always been. Join us for a Yin Breathwork session and reconnect with who you truly are. For booking: info@counselingperspective.com

Adolescence is a time of profound self-discovery: teens experiment with interests, values, friendships, and personal style as they build their emerging identities. Yet in today’s hyperconnected world, much of that identity work happens on screens. Rather than exploring who they are through face-to-face interaction, teens now look to social-media feeds, influencers, and online communities to test different selves. Every “like”, filter, and “follow” becomes a data point that algorithms use to mirror back a curated version of the self. This digital reflection can empower creativity and connection, but it can also distort self-worth, foster comparison, and lock teens into narrow, algorithm-driven identities. In fact, a 2024 Mozilla study1 found TikTok locks in on a user’s niche within 40 minutes, after which 80% of videos reinforce that same theme, even if the user stops engaging. Over time, teens learn to judge their worth by these algorithmic reflections, embedding a fragile, externally dictated self-image. Why Teenage Years Are Crucial for Identity Formation During adolescence, the brain undergoes a dramatic reorganization. The limbic system, which governs emotions and reward processing, matures rapidly around puberty, making teens especially sensitive to social feedback and novelty. In contrast, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for impulse control, planning, and reflection, continues developing into the mid-twenties. This imbalance creates a window where emotional drives often outweigh rational oversight. Simultaneously, the brain undergoes synaptic pruning and myelination, strengthening neural pathways through repeated behaviors. Online, every click, like, or share provides immediate emotional payoff and simultaneously reinforces circuits that link identity to digital validation loops. This makes adolescence a uniquely malleable, and vulnerable, time for forming a lifelong sense of self. A World Where Identity Is Always “On” and the Pressure of Perfection A January 2025 CNA–Institute of Policy Studies survey2 found Singaporean teens spend an average of 8.5 hours per day on screens, more time than they devote to school or sleep. Globally, 46% of U.S. adolescents report being online “almost constantly,” and 60% feel pressured to present an idealized self for likes and followers3. In this nonstop digital stage, every scroll, post, and reaction wires directly into the neurons shaping a teen’s self-concept. Physical appearance is central to many teens’ identities, and social feeds are flooded with airbrushed ideals. Internal Meta research4 leaked in 2021 revealed 32% of teen girls said Instagram made them feel worse about their bodies. Add to that nighttime scrolling, KK Women’s & Children’s Hospital (2024)5 found each extra hour of screen use after 10 p.m. raises next-day mood-swing odds by 21%. A sleep-deprived brain struggles with memory consolidation and self-reflection, processes vital for a coherent self-image, rendering teens more vulnerable to comparison and self-critique. Algorithms can also amplify harmful behaviors as identity expressions. In the Center for Countering Digital Hate’s Deadly by Design (2022) report6, new teen TikTok accounts encountered self-harm content within 2.6 minutes, and after 30 minutes, one in three videos promoted self-injury or suicide​. Likewise, a December 2024 CCDH study7 of YouTube recommendations found one-third of suggested videos contained harmful eating-disorder content, and 81% were not age-restricted. These loops trap vulnerable teens in a damage-defined identity, where pain and deprivation become badges of belonging. Community and Exploration It’s not all negative. Digital spaces can offer critical support for identity exploration, particularly for teens who feel marginalized offline. Online communities around neurodiversity, LGBTQIA+ experiences, or niche interests allow adolescents to test labels, find peers, and receive affirmation they might lack in real life. For example, transition narratives on TikTok help gender-questioning youth learn terminology, access resources, and spot role models. When stories of gender euphoria, the joy and comfort of affirmed identity, are shared online, some teens gain the language and confidence to live authentically. The key is ensuring these affirming narratives support rather than prescribe any one pathway. Autonomy Under Threat A stable identity requires privacy and agency over one’s own story. Yet Europol’s EU-SOCTA 2025 report8 highlights a 1,400% surge in AI-generated nude images of minors as deepfake tools proliferate. In response, schools in Europe and North America now run “deepfake drills” to teach students how to spot synthetic abuse and report incidents. Simultaneously, every tap and like is harvested as data capital: TikTok was fined €345 million in 20239 for mishandling under-16 data , and by age 13, the average U.S. teen accumulates 72 million data points that shape ads, credit offers, and even college recruitment. These incursions can leave teens feeling exposed, monitored, and reduced to a data profile, undermining self-determination. Building Resilient Identities Parents can’t, and shouldn’t, unplug technology. Instead, we can transform digital pressures into opportunities for intentional identity work using the these tips: 1. Presence: Weekly 5-minute Tech Tours where teens guide parents through their favorite apps, validating interests and spotting harmful patterns together. 2. Educate: explain algospeak and data harvesting, teaching teens they’re authors of their digital profiles, not products of them. 3. Agreements: Co-create a Family Tech Charter with mutually agreed limits (e.g., bedtime Downtime, screen-free zones) to bolster self-regulation. 4. Role-model: Demonstrate healthy detachment, charge devices outside bedrooms and share your own Screen Time stats openly. 5. Support and Boundaries: Bookmark crisis lines (SOS: +65 7672 4357; IMH helpline: 6389 2222) and enable in-app filters to safeguard mental health. 6. Alternatives: Encourage one daily offline “dopamine” activities (like sports, music, volunteering) to anchor identity beyond screens. The Takeaway: Authentic Selfhood in a Digital Age Technology can accelerate identity exploration and foster creative communities, but without guidance, it can also narrow, distort, and commodify self-concept. By weaving together clinical insight, data-driven understanding, and collaborative strategies, parents can guide teens toward authentic, resilient identities, both online and off. References 1 Mozilla Foundation. “TikTok: Unpacking Algorithmic Personalization.” Mozilla Research , April 2024. https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/research/tiktok-algorithmic-personalization-study/ 2 CNA & Institute of Policy Studies. “Singapore teenagers spend nearly 8.5 hours per day on screens.” Channel News Asia , January 2025. https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/screen-time-devices-survey-teens-spend-daily-stress-490828 3 Pew Research Center. “Teens, Social Media & Technology 2023.” Pew Research Center , October 2023. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2023/10/25/teens-social-media-technology-2023/ 4 The Wall Street Journal. “Facebook Knows Instagram Is Toxic for Teen Girls, Company Documents Show.” September 2021. https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-knows-instagram-is-toxic-for-teen-girls-company-documents-show-11631620739 5 KK Women’s & Children’s Hospital. “Screen Use and Sleep Patterns in Adolescents.” Journal of Pediatric Sleep , March 2024. https://www.kkh.com.sg/health-information/child-screen-time-sleep-study 6 Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH). Deadly by Design . December 2022. https://counterhate.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/CCDH-Deadly-by-Design_120922.pdf 7 Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH). YouTube’s Anorexia Algorithm: Key Findings . November 2024. https://counterhate.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/CCDH.YoutubeED.Nov24.Report_FINAL.pdf 8 Europol. European Serious and Organised Crime Threat Assessment (EU-SOCTA) 2025 . March 2025. https://www.europol.europa.eu/activities-services/main-reports/eu-socta-2025 9 Irish Data Protection Commission. “TikTok Fined €345 Million for Breaching GDPR.” DPC News , September 2023. https://www.dataprotection.ie/en/news-media/tiktok-gdpr-345m-fine

When James* (not his real name) walked into my office still holding his motorcycle helmet, he laughed sheepishly. "My wife hates this thing," he said, nodding at the matte-black shell in his arms. "She thinks I’m reckless. But I don’t ride for the danger. I ride because it’s the one place I can think. It clears my head." His eyes lit up as he described a weeklong ride he’d taken the year before along the Mae Hong Son loop in Northern Thailand with a group of friends. He told me how every twist in the road felt like freedom. "That adrenaline makes me feel powerful," he admitted. "And I feel like I’m supposed to give that part up." This wasn’t just about motorcycles. This was about what made him feel most alive and whether there was room for that part of him in the marriage. As we learnt more about the layers of their dynamic, a pattern emerged: James adjusted himself to avoid conflict. He skipped out on group rides, sold one of his bikes, made himself smaller, hoping this would preserve peace. Meanwhile, his wife, who deeply feared for his safety, viewed these concessions not as love, but as overdue maturity. I still remember the moment James asked, in despair, "How much more do I have to give up for this to work?" It’s easy to overlook how love can subtly ask us to trade parts of ourselves away. When the road that once gave you joy becomes a source of tension at home, when your values and interests feel incompatible with your relationship, what are you really being asked to let go of? How do we know when we’re adapting for love, or slowly disappearing inside it? When Compromise Turns Into Self Loss In long-term relationships, some flexibility is necessary. Two adults will never agree on everything. But there’s a difference between adjusting with integrity and eroding your identity. When compromise becomes chronic accommodation, it can stop feeling like love and starts feeling like self-loss. Most people don’t abandon their needs overnight. The erosion happens in small, well-meaning increments. You learn to read the room. You anticipate disappointment. You shrink in the name of "keeping the peace." Some clients tell me they’ve always been the reliable one, so they suppress their disappointment to keep the relationship steady. Others confuse love with self-sacrifice, believing that asking for too much will threaten the relationship. And many simply never learned that their emotional needs were valid to begin with, let alone how to express them. The danger lies in how socially sanctioned these behaviors are. Excessive compromising often masquerades as emotional intelligence or resilience - until the quiet resentment sets in. In my work with clients, I strive to help them unpack not just what they’ve agreed to but why they said yes in the first place. Sometimes it stems from early beliefs about their worth being tied to how easy they are to love. Sometimes, it’s an unconscious habit of keeping harmony at any cost. And often, it’s because no one ever asked them what they needed, so they learned not to ask either. How to Tell When You’re Compromising Too Much It is quite hard to know when the line has been crossed. Here are some common indicators. Healthy compromise should feel like a mutual effort that still honors your core. When it starts to feel like self-censorship, quiet resentment, or emotional shrinking, something needs attention. Ask yourself: Do I still recognize myself in this relationship? When I tried setting boundaries, does my partner listen or shut me down? Have I stopped asking for what matters because it feels like more trouble than it’s worth? When I adapt, does it come from a place of love or fear? Am I growing in this relationship, or becoming smaller within it? These questions cut deeper than the surface frustrations. They ask you to look at the structure you’ve built and whether it still honors the life you envisioned. If You’re Already Caught in the Cycle Start with reconnecting to your internal compass. When was the last time you felt fully yourself? What parts of you have gone quiet? Name your core emotional needs, in terms of what you value. These are not luxuries; they’re the roots of relational sustainability. Invite your partner in. Speak before the resentment calcifies. Use affirming language: “I miss the part of me that felt light and spontaneous. I want to bring that back into our relationship, and I need your help to do that.” And finally, stop trying to fix old patterns with old tools. If the usual ways of working things out aren’t helping, it’s time to step back and rethink the setup, not just who does what, but how you show up for each other and what kind of life you’re building together. Back to the helmet When James came in last week, he was still riding. Just less often, more thoughtfully. He told me they had started a new habit: each week, they share one thing they’ve done to support the other’s core needs, and one thing they hope for moving forward. “She still nags at me about my riding,” he said with a half-smile. “But now, she listens. And I’m starting to get why her sense of safety is tied to care, not control.” They’re not finished. But they’re just beginning to rewrite what healthy compromise looks like. It’s not perfect agreement, but a shared effort to make room for both people to matter. By Esther Oon-Bybjerg esther@counselingperspective.com 

Family plays a significant role in mental health. Healthy family relationships are characterised by emotionally available, understanding and supportive connections – a safe space where one can feel a sense of love, acceptance and belonging. This way of relating helps to foster emotional intelligence including a greater awareness and understanding of and ability to communicate about of oneself, emotions, as well as the capacity to show empathy for others. Learning from other family members’ skills and behaviours help to build one’s own coping resources. Having strong and consistent emotional support also facilitates resilience building – learning to face and deal with life challenges. Ongoing conflict or a hostile environment in a family, instability and lack of feeling accepted and understood can have the opposite, negative impact on mental well-being. Whilst adults can also be affected by a challenging family environment, resulting in increased stress, anxiety and depression, children are the most vulnerable in these circumstances and their distress may be expressed in indirect ways such as regression in behaviour, academic difficulties, trouble with sleep, irritable mood, fear, sadness and lack of interest in activities etc. Here are some key tools to foster better family relationships: Prioritize open communication – make regular time to check in with each other by asking open ended questions such as “What was the highlight of your day?”, “What are you enjoying/finding most challenging about school right now?” Practice active listening, that is, listening to understand not to respond. Hold a posture of curiosity rather than judgement being keen to learn more about the other person’s perspective rather than being quick to offer your own opinions. Create a safe and supportive environment – let family members know that it is acceptable to talk about any and all topics without fear. Allow space for feelings to be expressed and build trust through affirmation and validation. Criticism or dismissing emotions leads to a breach of trust and safety. Have fun together – engaging in activities that are enjoyable or trying new experiences together help to build positive connections. Try a family activity jar where everyone puts in suggestions and each family member gets to a turn to pick an option out of the jar. Model healthy coping – ensure that adults demonstrate healthy ways of managing stress, emotions and relationship challenges such as physical movement, relaxation, mindfulness techniques. Children learn what they observe. Ensure healthy lifestyle practices such as adequate sleep, balanced nutrition, and limited screen time. Lifestyle routines go a long way towards regulating emotions, mood and behaviour and set a stable foundation for optimal mental health. If you are struggling with ongoing family challenges, consider family therapy. It can be a helpful step to facilitate better communication, resolve conflicts and address unhealthy relationship dynamics. For more information and guidance, you can reach out to Claudette Jordan at info@counselingperspective.com

We all know the term ‘family matters’, which has direct and indirect interpretations, but who knew that long term impact of that phrase and that family, as in our ancestral lineage going back generations, can have direct impact on the current lives we are living and impacting our relationships in the now. Some would disagree but scientists studying epigenetics and/or transgenerational trauma are finding reason to believe the children and grandchildren of the holocaust survivors, for example, can exhibit symptoms similar to PTSD. The premise is that trauma can be passed through genetic, environmental, social avenues, and the family mythology, even two generations later. It is often recognized in a subtle or profound ways, which can show up in our inherent attitudes or personalities traits or in our unconscious thoughts and behaviors and limiting beliefs. Personal Mythology is one of the ways we explore these realms, by exploring the narratives that shape our lives and guide our decisions. Sometimes these mythologies are a powerful force driving a person into a successful life. Often these stories are outdated and unnecessary to carrying forward into the next generations. Family Constellations is another approach to uncovering these outdated patters and poltergeists from the past. It was created by Bert Hellinger and seeks to recognize ancestral trauma, through the patterns or obstacles which are showing up in the current life experience. The goal is to resolve those old conflicts and wounds of the past through a loving and purposeful ritual of closing, which honors the love that binds the family but also seeks to free the unhealthy bonds of those traumas. One might ask why we would want to look to the past to discover what is happening now. One important reason is for our physical health. These traumas can get trapped as energy, which can be held and felt in the body. Many people report experiencing a specific physical ailment afflicting them the day a loved one passed away, yet the pain never left. It is very common for our clients to seek counseling for an unexplained physical symptom that doctors can’t find the origin of or the cure for. Another reason to explore the past is when we see ourselves repeating unhealthy or unhelpful behaviors that hold us back in relationship or in career success. Whatever the reason we have to question things, there are often answers for those who are willing to seek them with an open mind. New frontiers of research and discovery of what we are capable of knowing is evolving in the same way nature evolves. But the takeaway from this month’s theme on family is really more of a question: If family mattered then—hundreds of years ago—and still holds the power to shape our lives today, how can we become more instrumental in creating a positive impact and legacy for the generations to come?

Some journeys call us back to places we’ve never left—ancestral lands, inner landscapes, and truths buried deep in the bones. My path through Family Constellation work has been just that kind of journey: one of remembering, of witnessing, and of gently returning to what was once left behind. Born in Japan, I have long carried an awareness of the unseen. Not in a mystical or esoteric way, but through the quiet, grounded rituals of daily life. We bow before ancestral altars, light incense without needing to speak, and visit family graves not just out of tradition, but from a felt sense of connection. There is a sacredness in the way the past is held—not spoken of explicitly but never forgotten. These cultural roots deeply inform how I experience Family Constellation work. Developed by Bert Hellinger, this method reveals the unseen dynamics that flow through family systems—grief, exclusion, unresolved trauma, and inherited burdens. In constellation sessions, whether in group or one-on-one settings, we step into a “field,” where representatives embody family members or inner parts. Through this embodied, intuitive process, the hidden architecture of our family system becomes visible—and with that visibility, profound healing becomes possible. While my Japanese heritage first shaped my understanding of connection and remembrance, my journey deepened even further beyond my homeland, in Bhutan. This quietly radiant Himalayan kingdom opened something even deeper within me. I have been blessed to visit Bhutan twice, each time stepping into a different layer of the same sacred story. The land, the people, the pace of life—it all invites a slowing down, a softening, a return. On my most recent visit, I had the rare opportunity to spend time with a Rinpoche—a recognized reincarnation of a spiritual master. In Bhutan, lineage is not just remembered; it is lived. The presence of a Rinpoche is a living thread, an unbroken chain of wisdom, devotion, and service stretching across lifetimes. His way of being seemed to dissolve time, as though past, present, and future coexisted within his gaze. In Bhutan, lineage is embodied—in rituals, in relationships, in the reverence shown to teachers and ancestors alike. Being in his presence reminded me that healing is not just personal. It is ancestral. It is collective. And it is sacred. Everywhere in Bhutan, remembrance breathes. Ancestors are honored in every household, invoked in rituals, prayers, and daily life. The landscape is dotted with chortens, monasteries, and prayer flags—reminders that spirit is not separate from the world. In this reverence, I found the essence of Family Constellation. Healing does not begin with fixing the self; it begins with remembering where we come from, and who still walks with us. Clients often come into constellation work feeling stuck, burdened by emotions or patterns they cannot explain. They might say, “This doesn’t feel like mine,” and they’re often right. We carry the echoes of those who were silenced, excluded, or forgotten—whether a grandfather’s unspoken grief, a mother’s unacknowledged loss, or a sibling who died young and was never mentioned again. These hidden stories live on in us—until they are seen, acknowledged, and allowed to rest. Family Constellation does not ask us to relive the past. It asks us to see it. To feel what was not allowed, to restore the natural order within the family system. When that happens, something powerful shifts. Love flows more freely. The body softens. The soul exhales. Bhutan taught me again and again that healing is about realigning with our truth—with our place in the greater web of life. It is about honoring, not clinging; about bowing, not judging. And that bow is everything in constellation work. When we bow to what was—no matter how painful—we no longer have to carry it unconsciously. We are freed to live our own lives, rooted in love rather than in loyalty to pain. My second journey to Bhutan deepened this understanding. Where the first visit was filled with awe and discovery, the second brought stillness and depth. I listened not with my ears, but with my heart. I noticed how my breath slowed, how my thoughts softened, how the mountains spoke—not in words, but in silence. That silence mirrors the constellation field—a vast, spacious place where stories reveal themselves without force. Healing arises not from doing, but from presence. From listening. From remembering. Today, as a constellation facilitator, I carry these experiences within me: the quiet strength of my Japanese lineage, the sacred wisdom of Bhutan, and the blessing of time spent with a teacher whose life reflects the living thread of transmission. I no longer see Family Constellation as simply a therapeutic method. It is a sacred remembering. A bow to the ancestors. A return to belonging. And perhaps that is what we are all seeking—not answers, but connection. Not perfection, but presence. Not escape, but a return to wholeness. In this remembering, we come home—not just to ourselves, but to our roots. We are not separate from those who came before us. We are not alone in our struggles. And we are never truly lost—only waiting to remember where we come from. Just as families carry invisible threads of connection, so too do organizations and communities. The principles of Family Constellation extend into the wider systems we are part of—the places where we bring our gifts into the world. In the corporate realm, unseen dynamics often shape what flourishes and what falters. By honoring hidden loyalties, acknowledging forgotten contributions, and restoring the natural order within systems, we create spaces where not just individuals, but entire organizations can move forward with greater clarity, integrity, and life force. To find out more about Family & Systemic Constellation, contact : info@counselingperspective.com

ADHD isn’t just something that hyperactive little boys have, and it certainly doesn’t disappear when you grow up. For many women, ADHD remains undiagnosed for decades, leading to overwhelm, self-doubt, and frustration. When motherhood enters the mix, these feelings become even more intense—bringing a daily battle with organization, emotional regulation, and the never-ending mental load. If you’re an adult woman with ADHD and also a mum, you are not alone. I see you, and I understand the challenges firsthand. Diagnosed at 35, I know what it’s like to spend years feeling like I struggled to do the most simple of things that other mums breezed through—only to later realize that ADHD had been running the show all along. But once you understand your ADHD, you can work with it—instead of it ruling you. I’ve made it my mission to help women reclaim control over their lives. Through my Balance Quest ADHD Screening & Symptom Management Programme, I guide women just like you in overcoming obstacles and finding strategies that actually work. The Hidden Struggles of Late Diagnosis ADHD in women is often misunderstood or dismissed. Many of us grow up being told we’re just "scatterbrained," "too sensitive," or "lazy"—when in reality, we’ve been living with a neurodevelopmental condition that impacts focus, emotional regulation, and executive function. It’s no surprise that many women don’t get diagnosed until their 30s, 40s, or even later. We spend years masking our struggles, trying to keep up, and wondering why everything feels so much harder than it seems for everyone else. Common Signs of ADHD in Women: • Constantly feeling overwhelmed by daily responsibilities • Difficulty keeping up with schedules, appointments, or deadlines • Struggling with emotional regulation—frequent frustration, anxiety, or low self-esteem • Forgetting things (even important ones) or losing track of time • Being disorganized, despite trying countless planners and systems • Feeling like you’re "always behind" or "never doing enough" Does this sound familiar? You are not broken. Your brain just works differently—and that’s okay. The Invisible Struggles of Motherhood with ADHD If managing ADHD is already overwhelming, motherhood can make this 10X more challenging. The constant demands, unpredictable routines, and 24-7 caring for children can leave ADHD mums exhausted, overstimulated, and feeling like they’re a failure. Here’s how ADHD can impact motherhood: 1. Debilitating Overwhelm Juggling school schedules, meal planning, and managing the household, the never-ending to-do list can feel absolutely impossible to keep up with. ADHD mums often struggle with procrastination and forgetfulness, making keeping on top of things so much harder. 2. Mum Guilt and Staying Calm in Chaos ADHD affects our impulse control and emotional regulation, meaning that irritability, frustration, or overstimulation can hit really hard—especially when kids demand constant attention. Most ADHD mums feel guilty for snapping at their children or struggling to be patient 3. Sticking To Daily Routines Planning ahead, following schedules, and staying organized? Easier said than done. Many ADHD mums really struggle with executive function, making ‘simple’ daily tasks like packing lunches, remembering school events, or sticking to a structured routine feel like an uphill battle. 4. When You Doubt Yourself Many ADHD women have spent their lives masking their symptoms, trying to "keep up" with neurotypical expectations. This can lead to crippling self-doubt and perfectionism, making us feel like we’re constantly falling short as mothers. 5. It Can Become TOO MUCH The constant noise, touch, and chaos of parenting can be overwhelming for ADHD brains, leading to sensory overload, stress, and emotional exhaustion. This can make it difficult to be present, patient, and engaged. Struggling doesn’t mean failing. ADHD mums are some of the most creative, compassionate, and resilient women I know. With the right support and strategies, you can turn ADHD challenges into strengths. How Therapy & The Balance Quest Programme Can Help : I created Balance Quest ADHD Screening & Symptom Management Programme because I know how life-changing it is to finally understand your ADHD and develop strategies that actually work. It’s not about fixing yourself—it’s about working with your brain, not against it. Here’s how we can help: 🔹 Understanding ADHD in Women Every woman’s ADHD experience is completely unique. In personalized sessions, we explore how ADHD affects your daily life and develop strategies tailored to your specific challenges. 🔹 Time Management & Organization We’ll work together to create realistic, ADHD-friendly routines and strategies that help you prioritize, structure, and actually follow through on tasks. No more trying to fit into neurotypical systems that don’t work for you! 🔹 Emotional Regulation & Stress Management Learning to manage frustration, anxiety, and mom guilt is key. We’ll use practical techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness, and breathwork to help you navigate emotions with more ease. 🔹 Self-Esteem & Confidence Building Years of undiagnosed ADHD can leave women with a damaged sense of self-worth. Therapy can help you reframe negative self-talk, recognize your strengths, and develop self-compassion. 🔹 Career & Work-Life Balance ADHD can make workplace challenges feel overwhelming. We help women advocate for accommodations, improve focus, and develop productivity strategies that actually workwith an ADHD brain. 🔹 Relationships & Communication ADHD can impact personal and professional relationships. Therapy provides tools for setting boundaries, improving communication, and deepening connections with partners, family, and friends. 🔹 Self-Care & Burnout Prevention Many ADHD women struggle with all-or-nothing thinking around self-care. We focus on realistic, sustainable self-care strategies that fit into your life without feeling like another overwhelming to-do. Through one-on-one therapy, ADHD coaching, and structured support programs, we provide the tools you need to take control of your ADHD and build a life that actually worksfor you. You Are Not Failing If you’ve spent years struggling, questioning yourself, or feeling like you’re constantly falling short—please know this: You are not failing. You are not broken. You are simply a woman with ADHD who deserves support and strategies that work for YOU. Being a mum with ADHD is challenging, but you’re also a mum with tons of creativity, love, and resilience. With the right tools, you can learn to manage overwhelm and create a fulfilling life. If you’re ready to take the next step, I’m here to help. Whether you’re newly diagnosed, suspect you have ADHD, or simply want to learn strategies to feel more in control of your life, let’s work together. 📌 Book a session with me at Counselling Perspective (in-person or online) and start your Balance Quest today. 🌟 You don’t have to figure this out alone—because ADHD women deserve support, understanding, and the chance to thrive. For more information: info@counselingperspective.com

Women’s Day is more than a celebration, it’s an opportunity to rethink women’s major health concerns: stress, one of the leading causes of health issues. It’s a chance to reflect on healthier ways to cope with it. As women, how many times have you felt challenged by stress? The kind that follows you through the day and keeps you up at night, tightening your chest as you mentally replay overwhelming worries? Despite considerable advances, significant gaps remain in our acknowledgement of stress related to gendered caring roles. While stress is universal, we know that women and men experience it in very different ways. Women are more likely to feel overwhelmed and exhausted by stress. We also know that women are exposed to chronic stress than men. Why it is so? The silent burden of women When it comes to women and stress, the answer to this question partly lies in social constructs, role prescription and emotional labor. Although stress is an unavoidable part of life, for women; it often comes in layers: Being a devoted mother, a family caregiver, a loving and supportive wife, and a successful career woman while maintaining social expectations in terms of beauty, fitness, ageing, and emotional support can beoverwhelming. This, is the invisible burden that women disproportionally carry and that contributes to the strain many women feel daily. As a result, women often internalize stress by developing perfectionist tendencies as a way to cope with the pressure of juggling multiple roles. This situation is further intensified by the disconnection between what’s expected of women and what is it, really, to be a women in today’s world. This snowballing effect leads women to put more pressure on themselves trying to solve this complex equation, relentlessly willing to close the gap between social expectations and reality of womanhood. As a therapist, I have encountered many women facing stressful events struggling with self-defeating beliefs such as “I fail if I can’t do it all” , “ I should stay strong for everyone” or "I should be able to handle everything on my own" . Those thoughts are deeply ingrained in women’s minds and they often reinforce guilt, emotional suppression, and perfectionism;making stress even more overwhelming. What are the causes of women stress? The main identified causes of stress are professional life, financial problems, couple life, and health issues. However, the reality of women balancing multiple roles across professional, personal, and social spheres intensifies stress and exhaustion as they navigate conflicting demands. Here are common sources of stress for women: Work-related stress: In the workplace, women's stress often arises from unexpected sources. On the top of their duties as professionals’, women are expected to demonstrate greater empathy, patience, and emotional control. The glass ceiling and gender biases create additional pressure by imposing higher expectations on women. Maintaining work-life balance also remains a constant source of stress. “Super-women” syndrome: Women often face a “second shift,” balancing professional and domestic responsibilities, which significantly increases stress. Managing schedules, tracking household tasks, and remembering key dates add to their mental load. Parenting further amplifies this stress, as societal expectations and the "Perfect Mother" myth set unattainable standards. Many women feel compelled to meet these ideals, often at the cost of their own well-being. Women face immense pressure to excel in multiple roles at once. This relentless demand fosters resentment, fatigue, and stress, particularly when their efforts go unrecognized. Love & Load: As a couple therapist, I experienced several key stressors that women face in their relationships. Traditional gender norms still expect women to prioritize their relationships and family over personal needs. A women may not engage in pursuing her career, stepping up the laddersfearing relationship strain. The struggle to balance self-identity and relationship expectations, combined with guilt and self-doubt when prioritizing personal goals, often creates internal conflict and increased stress for women. How do we react to stress? While short term stress can be a source of motivation, chronic stress gradually depletes mental, emotional, and physical health. Chronic stress impacts all aspects of well-being: psychologically, it leads to emotional exhaustion and low self-esteem; emotionally, it causes breakdowns and burnout; physically, it weakens immunity and increases health risks; and behaviorally, it fosters withdrawal and maladaptive coping. Early intervention is key to preventing long-term harm. How to better cope with stress? International Women’s Day is an opportunity to pause and reflect on better ways to manage stress through healthy and adaptive coping strategies that enhance women’ quality of life and overall well-being. Here are some healthy strategies to relate to: 1. Separate the Stress from the stressor When experiencing stress, it is important to separate stress from the stressor. Stress is your body’s physiological response that follows a cycle with a beginning, middle, and an end;while the stressor is the external trigger. You don’t have to fix your problem to release stress. Even if the stressor (work deadlines, family conflicts or couple issues) is still present, you can release stress physically and emotionally through simple actions like: deep breathing, crying or sharing a warm hug with a loved one. Visualization can be a powerful tool. Closing your eyes and picturing a safe, comforting space helps your body process stress, relax and reset. 2. Be friend with stress When we experience stress our body respond in different ways, each of them shaping the way we cope with our challenges. Fight Mode: Reacting with frustration, defensiveness, or aggression. Instead of lashing out, try to pause before reacting and reset your response through deep breathing. Flight Mode: Feeling overwhelmed and wanting to withdraw. Try to regain a sense of control by breaking challenges into small, manageable and controllable steps. Befriend Mode: Research shows that this strategy leads to better outcome. Women tend to embrace stress by seeking support rather than fighting or fleeing. They often turn to connection, sharing their worries with their loved ones, which helps regulate the nervous system and alleviate stress. Recognizing different coping mechanisms allows us to adopt a more constructive approach to managing stress and its triggers. 3. Stress as a lever not a threat Instead of seeing stress as a threat, reframe your mindset: Stress is just your body’s reaction to any change that requires an adjustment or a response. Stress prepares you to face your challenge. Instead of seeing stress as a threat, making peace with it allows us to harness its energy, its motivational force, build resilience, and navigate our challenges with greater response. When your heart races, when anxiety increases just think: “My body is just giving me a motivational force to overcome my challenge” or “How can I use this force for good to mitigate my worries?”. Shifting our perspective to see stress as a positive force fosters resilience, turning challenges into opportunities. Trusting our ability to adapt is key. 4. Reframing, Is the glass half-full or half-empty? When worries pile up, stress takes control. That’s the moment to pause and reframe. Ask yourself, “Is the glass half-full or half-empty?” Shift from “I’ll never get through this” to “I’ll take it one step at a time.” Try changing your perspective, identify one potential benefit in the challenge, recall past moments when you successfully managed stress, or focus on a small, actionable step within your control. Reframing is essential because stress has an impact on our cognitive flexibility, it narrows our thinking, distorts our perspective, and makes challenges feel bigger than they are. Remember, you’re doing your best, and that’s enough! 5. Resonance as a stress relief To relentless pressure, we, women need to find our own deep connection to the world to healthily cope with stress. Hartmut Rosa's concept of “Resonance” emphasizes shifting from control to meaningful connection whether in relationships, work, nature, or creativity fostering deeper connection, well-being, and a more fulfilling way of experiencing life. Instead of viewing life as a checklist of tasks, a relentless pursuit of perfection and performance, or a constant drive for efficiency, we should focus on experiencing life purposefully. Rather than seeking validation, we need to connect with what truly matters. Instead of feeling trapped by expectations, we should embrace being fully present in the moment and finding joy in the “here” and “now”. Constantly reminding ourselves that our worth is not defined by external standards. Many activities can help us engage in a form of “Resonance” to ourselves and to the world, including yoga, sound healing, meditation, and gratitude practices. Keeping in mind that true support for women stress comes from all genders, including men, in a shared commitment to balance, equity, and well-being.

Perimenopause is something that’s rarely talked about and even less understood. This is the time in a woman's life BEFORE Menopause (defined as the cessation of menstruation for at least 12 months), and this is actually when most of the big changes are happening. Even more surprising? That most women over 35 are already in perimenopause, even if they don’t show significant symptoms, this coincides with a woman's drop in fertility. Perimenopause isn’t just about hot flashes and irregular periods. It’s a deeply personal transformation that can shake your confidence, impact your relationships, and make you question your sense of self. I know this not just as a psychotherapist but also as a yoga master, health coach, and the creator of YogaPause (and author of best-selling book by the same name)—a method I developed after years of working with women navigating this life stage.  I’ve spent over two decades guiding women through transitions, and I’m currently writing my research thesis on self-esteem and relationships in women aged 40-55. I see more clearly than ever how perimenopause can challenge our identity. The good news is that you don’t have to go through it alone. Therapy can help you navigate the changes, build your confidence and reframe what you want from life going forward. How Getting Older Affects Your Self-Esteem Perimenopause has a sneaky way of making us question ourselves. It stirs up emotions, shifts our bodies in ways we don’t always recognize, and brings up thoughts like: Who am I now? Do I still matter? What the hell am I going to do with my life now? Here are some of the things that could be chipping away at your self-esteem: 1. Your Body Doesn’t Look The Same Suddenly, the body you’ve known for decades starts to feel foreign. Weight gain, bloating, thinning hair, dry skin—these changes can make you feel very self-conscious. Many of us look in the mirror and don’t recognize ourselves, we’re self-critical and insecure. 2. Brain Fog Ever walked into a room and forgotten why? Or struggled to remember someone’s name mid-conversation? Perimenopause can bring cognitive shifts that leave us feeling less than sharp and doubting our abilities. When you start second-guessing yourself, your confidence takes a big hit. 3. Emotional Sensitivity and Self-Doubt Mood swings, irritability, and feeling emotionally raw are all common. One moment, you feel fine; the next, you're in tears over an advert with an injured hedgehog. When your emotions become unpredictable, it’s easy to start doubting yourself and feeling like you’re “too much” or “not enough.” 4. Women Are Supposed To Be Young FOREVER Society isn’t always kind to women over 40. From media to workplace biases, we get messages that our worth diminishes with age. Many women struggle with feeling invisible, less desirable, or irrelevant—especially in their careers and relationships. This Is How Perimenopause Can Impact Your Relationships: When our self-esteem starts to waver, our relationships feel the strain. I see this time and again in the women I work with. They tell me: I don’t feel connected to my partner anymore. I feel lonely, even when I’m surrounded by people. Here’s some of the ways perimenopause could be affecting your relationships: 1. You’re Pulling Away From Your Partner If you’re feeling low about yourself, it’s easy to pull away—emotionally and physically. Changes in your libido, body image worries, and mood fluctuations can lead to less intimacy and more misunderstandings. 2. Your Grumpy and Irrational Hormonal changes can make emotions feel bigger than normal: Think PMS on Steroids. Small things that never bothered you before suddenly feel overwhelming. If you find yourself snapping at loved ones or feeling unheard, you’re not alone and it’s normal. 3. You Feel Alone In This Many women say, No one understands what I’m going through. This feeling can lead to withdrawing from social circles, avoiding deep conversations, or even drifting away from close friends. Perimenopause is REAL and big and challenging and you need to be supported by other women who understand and can relate. 4. Changing Family Roles At this stage of life, many of us are also dealing with our kids growing up and leaving home, ageing parents, or career transitions. All of these stressors can add to feelings of overwhelm, and lack of purpose or sense of self, making it even harder to prioritize relationships. How Therapy Can Help You Figure Out Who You Are AndWhat You Want From Life 40+ Here’s something I want every woman to hear: You are not losing yourself. You are evolving.Therapy can help you navigate this transition with self-compassion, clarity, and confidence. 40+ can be the best stage of your life - you just need to approach it in the right way. 1. It Can Help You Rebuild Your Self-Esteem Therapy helps you challenge the negative self-talk that can come with ageing. It’s about shifting the focus from what’s changing to what’s still strong within you - or better yet, what’s STRONGER. Learning to redefine beauty, value, and self-worth is an essential part of this process. 2. Understanding and Managing Your Emotions Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness, and breathwork can be powerful tools for managing hormonal mood swings, anxiety, and self-doubt. In my practice, I often integrate yoga and breathwork and nutrition alongside psychotherapy to help women create a mind-body connection that fosters emotional balance. A full life approach is the most effective way to move forward into this next life stage. 3. Strengthening Your Relationships Does your marriage have a whole new range of issues? Feeling disconnected from friends? Therapy can help you identify how your self-esteem impacts your relationships and help you communicate what you need and how you’re feeling with confidence. 4. Accepting Your Changing Body Instead of seeing physical changes as losses, therapy can help shift the narrative to self-acceptance. My YogaPause method combines gentle movement, breathwork, and mindfulness to reconnect women with their bodies in a way that feels empowering rather than defeating. Building physical strength and mental resilience are an essential part of the journey. 5. Finding a New Sense of Purpose Perimenopause isn’t an ending—it’s also a beginning. Many women feel lost in this transition, but therapy can help them rediscover passions, set new goals, and redefine what fulfillment looks like in this next chapter. This can absolutely be the best time of your life. You Deserve Support Perimenopause is more than a biological transition—it’s an emotional, psychological, and deeply personal one. It can feel overwhelming, but help is available. Therapy provides a space to rediscover yourself, strengthen your relationships, and step into this new life phase with confidence. If you’re feeling lost, struggling with self-esteem, or noticing strain in your relationships, reach out. You are not alone.