Counseling Blog

Do you prioritise family mealtime? In today’s fast-paced environment, where everyone often feels pulled in different directions, family meals can be easily dismissed and missed. Family meals can be truly magical; besides nourishing, they pull families into unity and support mental, physical and emotional health. The benefits span across all age groups. In teenagers specifically, a large body of research shows that families who have meals together show: • Better school performance, with a higher likelihood of achieving A’s, is in school. • Lower the risk of teenage behaviours such as smoking, substance abuse, eating disorders, teenage pregnancy and violence. • Lower risk for depression and anxiety, and higher self-esteem • Lower obesity risk and better cardiovascular health Family meals can play a vital role in strengthening family bonds, promoting stability, and fostering a sense of unity and connectedness. They also have the potential to enhance the developmental assets of adolescents, including problem-solving skills and social-emotional growth. Additionally, family traditions and routines, such as shared meals, provide a sense of consistency and an opportunity to connect while promoting healthy attitudes and behaviours related to food. Family meals are also powerful for adults, as well, with parents having better nutrition, less dieting patterns, more self-esteem and lower risk of depression – I see this happening every day in my practice. Eating meals together as a family also has a profoundly positive impact on the child’s and adolescent’s eating habits and diet quality; the more meals eaten together, the greater the impact. Number of meals together In today’s world, where schedules are packed and families barely meet, meals together can sound like quite an unrealistic task. Frequent regular family meals are usually defined as 3-7 times a week, keeping the consistency, reflect a sense of connection and priority. So, if you have only one meal a week together, consider how you can adjust your schedule to increase the number of family meals you have routinely. We have at least 16 possible times for families to eat together—seven breakfasts, seven dinners, and two weekend lunches. And let’s not forget snack time or bedtime snacks, which can also be used as a meaningful connection time over a fruit, nuts, and a glass of milk or a cup of yoghurt. Making family meals engaging and welcoming The ideal meal combines nutritious, balanced, and delicious food with fun and conversationbut not always easy to cultivate a welcoming and open environment and dining table. If keeping the conversation with your teen is hard, thefamilydinnerproject.org has some creative tips. Here are some: • Set an example and keep devices out of the dining table, and avoid getting distractedby them. • Encourage Sharing. Invite each family member to share highlights from their day or something they’re looking forward to. This sets a tone of openness and encourages everyone to participate. Start the conversation by sharing something about your day and asking for feedback from the children, e.g., how would you suggest Dad deals with his co-worker in that challenging situation? • Celebrate Small Wins . Use mealtime to acknowledge achievements, no matter how small. Celebrating these moments can boost a teenager’s self-esteem. • Cook Together. Involve your teenagers in meal preparation. This not only teaches them valuable life skills but also creates a shared experience that can make the meal more enjoyable. Play games if talking and sharing at the dining table is not something you are comfortable with yet ; games are a great way to break the ice. Here are some examples: • 20 Questions: One person thinks of an object, person, or place, and the others take turns asking yes-or-no questions to guess what it is within 20 questions. • Would You Rather?: Pose fun or silly hypothetical questions, like “Would you rather have the ability to fly or be invisible?” Everyone takes turns answering and discussing their choices. • Story Building: One person starts a story with a sentence, and each person adds a sentence to continue the story. This can lead to some funny or creative narratives! • Two Truths and a Lie: Everyone takes turns sharing two true facts and one false factabout themselves—the rest of the family guesses which is the lie. • Table Trivia: Prepare some trivia questions about family history, fun facts, or themes related to the meal or occasion. • Guess the Song: Hum or tap a rhythm of a song, and others try to guess what it is. You can even create categories like “Disney songs” or “80s hits.” • Charades: Act out a word or phrase without speaking, while the others guess what it is. This can be themed according to the season or a holiday. In Conclusion The link between family meals and mental health outcomes is clear. By prioritising shared mealtimes, families can not only improve their physical nutrition but also enhance emotional well-being through the connections formed around it. Even if it starts with just a few meals a week, the long-term effects on mental health and family bonds are profound. So, consider making family mealtime a cherished routine—you might be surprised by the positive changes it brings to your family dynamic One last note – don’t beat yourself up if family meals are not picture-perfect or don’thappen with the “right” consistency. Knowledge is power, and being aware of the benefits of family meals is important; therefore, this article. However, we also know that “life happens” sometimes, and family mealtime might be put on the backburner during these busy periods. That will not make you and your partner a failure, only human. Just restart building these routines again, step by step – these habits are utterly worth fighting for. Claudia Correia Dietitian and mother of two Accredited Dietitian of Singapore References Harrison, M. E., Norris, M. L., Obeid, N., Fu, M., Weinstangel, H., & Sampson, M. (2015). Systematic review of the effects of family meal frequency on psychosocial outcomes in youth. Canadian family physician Medecin de famille canadien , 61 (2), e96–e106. https://thefamilydinnerproject.org/ https://www.raisingteenagers.com.au/power-familymeals/

They are always online — scrolling, replying, editing, performing. But behind the glow of the screen, an invisible crisis is unfolding. As a psychotherapist working with adolescents and young adults in Singapore, I meet high-functioning, articulate, often high-achieving teens who are quietly unravelling beneath the surface. On paper, they’re thriving. But in session, I hear what they’re too afraid to tell anyone else: “I’m exhausted, but I can’t stop.” “If I’m not perfect, I’m nothing.” “No one really knows me.” “If I disappeared, I don’t think it would matter.” This is not melodrama or teenage angst. This is a generation drowning in disconnection, pressure, and silent despair. Teen Suicide in Singapore: A Growing Tragedy Suicide remains the leading cause of death among youth aged 10 to 29 in Singapore. This is not a statistical fluke. It reflects deeper systemic and cultural problems — many of which fester quietly in the lives of young people who appear “fine.” They are not just sad. They are overwhelmed, overstimulated, and emotionally unsupported. And often, their distress is invisible — until it’s too late. What’s Driving the Crisis? A Web of Pressures There is no single cause behind youth suicide. Instead, it emerges from a complex tangle of digital, relational, academic, and emotional pressures — many of which are hiding in plain sight. 1. Digital Addiction and Emotional Fragmentation Teens often spend 8 to 12 hours online — not simply for fun, but because the digital world offers temporary relief. They maintain multiple curated identities on Instagram, TikTok, Discord, and Telegram. The dopamine hits from notifications are fleeting, but the emotional crashes are deep. Over time, the distinction between performance and authenticity collapses. 2. Cyberbullying and Silent Shame Bullying doesn’t end when the school bell rings. It lives in anonymous confession pages, group chats, and social media threads. A single screenshot can trigger weeks of shame. Many teens never tell anyone, fearing judgment or dismissal. So they carry the pain alone. 3. Academic Stress and the Culture of Overachievement In Singapore, academic success is often tied to identity and worth. Even top scorers believe they aren’t doing enough. Many internalise a dangerous belief: I am only lovable when I achieve. For perfectionistic teens, failure becomes existential. 4. Emotional Disconnection at Home Parents may love deeply yet still be emotionally unavailable — stretched thin by work, stress, or their own inner wounds. Teens sense this. They stop sharing. They withdraw. They begin to believe they are utterly alone in their experience. 5. Lack of Safety to Be Themselves Teens grappling with identity — whether related to gender, neurodiversity, body image, or emotional sensitivity — often feel they have no place to be fully seen. They mask, suppress, or fragment themselves just to fit in. Over time, this internal split becomes unbearable. What Parents Can Do: From Prevention to Protection While the causes are complex, parents are not powerless. In fact, your consistent emotional presence is one of the most protective forces in your child’s life. 1. Start the Conversation — Early and Often Teens don’t need interrogations. They need open-hearted questions and attuned presence. Go beyond “How was school?” and try: • “What’s something that’s felt heavy or confusing lately?” • “If today had a mood, what would it be?” • “Is there a meme, song, or reel that captures how you’re feeling?” • “Have there been moments where things just felt too much?” The goal is not to get answers, but to offer a safe emotional invitation. When they feel the sincerity behind your curiosity, they’re more likely to open up. 2. Co-Regulate Before You Educate Your nervous system sets the tone. If you remain calm, grounded, and emotionally available —especially during their moments of chaos — you teach them how to do the same. Before advising or reacting, pause. Sit beside them. Let them feel your steadiness. 3. Build Tech-Free Anchors of Connection Create small, consistent rituals that don’t involve performance: nightly walks, shared meals, cooking together, or listening to music in silence. These non-demanding moments become emotional landing places in a noisy world. 4. Validate, Don’t Minimise If your child says they’re stressed or low, avoid default responses like, “Everyone feels that way,” or “Just push through.” Instead, try: “That sounds incredibly hard. Thank you for telling me.” Validation does not mean agreement — it means recognition. 5. Learn to Spot the Red Flags Warning signs may include: • Withdrawal from friends or usual activities • Sleep or appetite changes • Flat affect or emotional numbness • Self-deprecating jokes or fatalistic remarks • Talk of being a burden or not belonging • Obsessive perfectionism or total shutdown If your intuition says something’s wrong—believe it. Don’t wait for proof. Reach out. Speak to them. Engage a counsellor or therapist. 6. Get Help — Not Just for Them, But for You Supporting a struggling teen can be overwhelming. You don’t need to do it alone. Therapy isn’t just for crisis — it’s a space for healing, insight, and reconnection. And when you do your own inner work, you model resilience and self-compassion they can follow. You Don’t Need to Fix Everything. You Just Need to Stay. Many teens on the brink of suicide don’t actually want to die. They want the pain to stop. They want to feel safe, seen, and supported in a world that often feels fast, cold, and demanding. You, as a parent, have the power to slow it down. To soften the space. To say, without condition: “I’m here. You matter. We’ll face this together.” Sometimes, that’s all it takes to bring a young person back from the edge.

“Girl, if you have five real friends after 60, you’ve made some good choices.” said this voice full of wisdom. I remember that taxi ride very clearly. At that moment, I chuckled and started counting my “close” friends using my fingers, toes and maybe even a few rounds in. That sentence stuck with me for over 20 years. I knew deep down someday I will have to recollect that moment. Friendship is beautiful. It is also layered, unpredictable and at times, bittersweet. It grows, withers, surprises us, quietly fades away and sometimes comes back in new form. This is especially true as we transition through life, careers, motherhood, healing and reinvention, our social circles shift with us. Who you needed yesterday may not be who you need today. If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering “Where did everyone go?” or “Why do I feel closer to someone I just met than people I’ve known for years?”, you are not alone. You’re just evolving. And evolution rarely leaves your social circle untouched. What Is Friendship, Really? By definition, friendship is “a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.” But let’s be real, that doesn’t capture the heart of it. To me, friendship is… A soul who supports you without judgement. A person who calls you out with love and cheers you on even louder. Someone who holds space for your becoming. So I’ll ask you, what’s your definition of friendship? Take a breath. Feel into it. You might find your answer has changed. That’s not wrong. It is honest. There’s no shame in evolving, only alignment with your present truth. When You Change, So Do Your Friendships This part can feel tender: when your inner world shifts, your outer circle often reflects that. Some friends will rise with you and celebrate your growth. Some surprise you by meeting you right where you are. Some will resist your change. And some will quietly fade. It’s not about fault; it’s about alignment. That friend who used to be your late-night rant partner might not be your 6 AM hike buddy. And the colleague who didn’t really “get you” five years ago? He / She might be your biggest fan now. Change is inevitable. Clinging to what was can hold you back from what’s possible. What Role Does Energy Play in Friendship? In the Energy Leadership™ framework , we recognize 7 levels of energy. Each representing a way of thinking, feeling and showing up in the world. These levels can also show us how we relate to our friends especially when change enters the picture. Let’s explore: ⚫ Level 1: Victim Energy "No one understands me anymore." This is where disconnection and self-doubt live. You may retreat or feel abandoned. Friendships can feel draining when this is the dominant lens. 🔴 Level 2: Conflict Energy "They don’t support me like I support them." Resentments build. You may find yourself judging, comparing or feeling the urge to prove yourself. Friendships become power plays instead of safe spaces. 🟠 Level 3: Coping Energy "It’s fine. I’ll just adjust to keep the peace." This is the friend who avoids conflict and over-accommodates. It looks harmonious on the outside but often sacrifices authenticity for the sake of connection. 🟡 Level 4: Service Energy "How can I support you through your change?" Here, friendships are built on empathy and care. This friend holds space for your becoming, even if it’s different from their own. 🟢 Level 5: Opportunity Energy "What if this shift brings us closer or introduces new aligned people?" There’s curiosity and collaboration here. You start to see that every change in a friendship opens doors for deeper alignment or necessary redirection. 🔵 Level 6: Flow Energy "I trust the right people will rise with me." At this level, friendships feel effortless, expansive and aligned with your highest values. There’s no grasping, just grace. ⚪ Level 7: Oneness Energy "There’s no separation between giving and receiving love." This is pure connection. Friendships here are soul-level, transcending ego or expectation. Rare, but powerful when experienced. So How Do You Navigate Friendship During Change? Transitions will test your relationships but they’ll also reveal your energetic patterns. Here’s how to move forward consciously: ✅ Get curious, not judgmental – Notice how you're showing up (what level of energy), and how others are too. ✅ Honor mismatches without blame – Some friendships fade. That doesn’t mean they failed. It means the alignment shifted. ✅ Invite new energy – Stay open to friends who match where you are now, not just where you’ve been. ✅ Say thank you loudly or silently – To the ones who stayed. To the ones who couldn’t. To yourself. ✅ Be the kind of energy you want to attract – Every friendship is a mirror. What are you reflecting? Final Thought: You’re Allowed to Outgrow People Outgrowing isn’t betrayal. It’s evolution. You’re allowed to choose friendships that nourish the version of you you’re becoming not just the one you have been. Celebrate this evolution. So go ahead, count your friends on fingers, toes, even add a few imaginary rounds. But more importantly, ask yourself: Are these people reflections of the life I want to live? Because that’s the circle worth nurturing.  If you want to explore coaching with Praveen, get in touch with us: info@counselingperspective.com

In the course of our adult lives, friendships can shift, drift, and sometimes rupture. In the face of busy, divergent lives and priorities, this is a very natural process, but can be one that causes us confusion, pain, and a great sense of loss. Romantic relationships tend to have a clear beginning, middle, and end and we have the tools from young adulthood to understand the expected transitions. Friendships, however, tend to be more fluid and evolve over time with no set rules of engagement. In addition, each person will have a different perspective on what the friendship means to them, and so it’s no surprise that many people can find themselves struggling with questions like: Why does it feel harder to make friends? Why do I feel disconnected from people I used to feel close to? Is it worth my making an effort in this friendship when I feel I get so little from it? If you have found yourself asking these questions, you are definitely not alone. As a psychotherapist, I frequently encounter the deep pain that can come with friendship challenges in adulthood. Despite societal norms pointing us towards focusing our efforts on romantic or familial relationships during adulthood, our friendships are equally crucial to our emotional wellbeing. They offer companionship, shared experience, and a vital sense of belonging. And yet, they’re often forgotten about in conversations about our mental health. So let’s explore how we, as adults, can navigate our friendships with greaterawareness, compassion, and intent. How to navigate friendships 1. Reflect on your needs Start by asking yourself: What does friendship mean to me now? What feels nourishing and good? Your needs are most likely very different to what they were five years ago, and it is OK to acknowledge that. 2. Practice clear communication It’s not always easy, but expressing how you feel - whether it’s hurt at being left out or asking for more time together – will improve the quality of your friendships. Choose a moment when you both feel relaxed enough to be receptive. 3. Embrace flexibility As life happens around us, some friends can go quiet for months. Babies, burnout - it’s all very real. Whilst this can be confusing or hurtful, a bit of grace and compassion goes a long way and gives the friendship opportunity to evolve to a place of greater understanding and depth. 4. Make the time Adult friendship isn’t sustained by chance. It’s easy to get wrapped up in life’s demands while time continues passing by. It becomes a necessity to be intentional about making time for your friends. Some ways to do this are by scheduling regular check-ins as you would in work. Dedicate some time out of your busy schedule to call or message a friend as often as you can. 5. Recognise your patterns Whether you realise it or not, the way you respond to friendships has a lot to do with your attachment style. For example, a person with a secure attachment style is capable of forming nurturing friendships and working through any conflicts that may arise. However, those with more insecure attachment styles may find it harder to let go of friendships that are no longer working and will tend to take any perceived hurt personally. Final note We also need to recognise that not all friendships are formed - or maintained - on equal footing. If you’re LGBTQ+, neurodivergent, disabled, or from a minoritised background, your social landscape may look very different. You may have spent years finding your people, or building a chosen family to replace what blood ties could not offer. Those friendships carry a different kind of emotional weight and often, a depth that comes from shared survival. Similarly, if you struggle with anxiety, depression, or trauma, then the energy that goes in to maintaining friendships can feel daunting. You might feel the need to disappear for a while, or struggle to reply to messages. That doesn’t make you a bad friend, it makes you human and in need of a self compassion practice. If you are finding adult friendships difficult, and want to speak to Lili: info@counselingperspective.com 

What does it mean to truly know who you are? During Pride Month, we celebrate the beauty of diverse identities and the courage it takes to live authentically. But beyond the labels and roles, there is a deeper essence waiting to be seen—a core self that exists beneath the surface. At Elemental Wellness, we believe that reconnecting with this essence is both a sacred and scientific journey. And breath is the bridge. The Breath: A Portal to the Subconscious Yin Breathwork, rooted in Leonard Orr’s Rebirthing Breathwork, offers a gentle yet profound way to access inner truth: not through thinking, but through feeling and presence. This form of conscious, connected breathing helps shift our awareness from the everyday, thinking mind (conscious) to the deeper, quieter terrain of the subconscious. Why does this matter? Because the subconscious holds the stories, emotional imprints, and beliefs we’ve absorbed, often unconsciously, from culture, family, and lived experience. These inner patterns shape how we see ourselves and how freely we live out our identities. Through slow, circular breath, Yin Breathwork helps bypass habitual thought loops and opens the door to neuroplasticity: the brain’s natural ability to rewire. When we breathe with intention and softness, we create a relaxed yet alert state, similar to light meditation or REM sleep, where old emotional imprints can surface and be gently released. Science Meets Soul: The Nervous System and Breath From a physiological perspective, breath is one of the few automatic functions we can consciously control. When we slow and deepen our breathing, we signal safety to the brain through the vagus nerve, activating the parasympathetic nervous system, our body’s natural state of rest and repair. This matters deeply for identity work. If we've lived in fight-or-flight, bracing against judgment, discrimination, or internalized shame, our nervous system may associate authenticity with risk. But breath offers another way. It teaches the body that it is safe to soften, to open, to be seen. Over time, regular Yin Breathwork can help regulate the nervous system, reduce anxiety, and increase emotional resilience. It becomes a quiet revolution within: an unlearning of fear and a return to inner freedom. Identity: A Living, Breathing Process We often think of identity as something to define or declare. But what if identity is not fixed, but fluid? What if it’s something we remember , layer by layer, breath by breath? In a Yin Breathwork session, there is no need to force answers. We simply lie back and breathe, allowing what wants to emerge to rise. The experience can feel meditative, emotional, or quietly powerful. As tension releases from the body, insight often follows about who we are beneath the roles, the expectations, the old stories. Rather than striving for authenticity, we relax into it . This isn’t a quick fix. It’s a return to the self—a remembering of what has always been there. And in that remembering, healing happens Pride as a Return to Wholeness Whether you're navigating your gender, sexuality, cultural heritage, or your evolving sense of self, Yin Breathwork offers a sanctuary—a space to return to your body and your truth. There’s no performance. No pressure. Just breath. Just presence. Just you. This Pride, instead of stepping out, we invite you to step in. To soften. To listen. To discover who you are beneath the noise gently, fully, and unapologetically. Yin Breathwork isn’t about changing yourself; it’s about remembering who you’ve always been. Join us for a Yin Breathwork session and reconnect with who you truly are. For booking: info@counselingperspective.com

Adolescence is a time of profound self-discovery: teens experiment with interests, values, friendships, and personal style as they build their emerging identities. Yet in today’s hyperconnected world, much of that identity work happens on screens. Rather than exploring who they are through face-to-face interaction, teens now look to social-media feeds, influencers, and online communities to test different selves. Every “like”, filter, and “follow” becomes a data point that algorithms use to mirror back a curated version of the self. This digital reflection can empower creativity and connection, but it can also distort self-worth, foster comparison, and lock teens into narrow, algorithm-driven identities. In fact, a 2024 Mozilla study1 found TikTok locks in on a user’s niche within 40 minutes, after which 80% of videos reinforce that same theme, even if the user stops engaging. Over time, teens learn to judge their worth by these algorithmic reflections, embedding a fragile, externally dictated self-image. Why Teenage Years Are Crucial for Identity Formation During adolescence, the brain undergoes a dramatic reorganization. The limbic system, which governs emotions and reward processing, matures rapidly around puberty, making teens especially sensitive to social feedback and novelty. In contrast, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for impulse control, planning, and reflection, continues developing into the mid-twenties. This imbalance creates a window where emotional drives often outweigh rational oversight. Simultaneously, the brain undergoes synaptic pruning and myelination, strengthening neural pathways through repeated behaviors. Online, every click, like, or share provides immediate emotional payoff and simultaneously reinforces circuits that link identity to digital validation loops. This makes adolescence a uniquely malleable, and vulnerable, time for forming a lifelong sense of self. A World Where Identity Is Always “On” and the Pressure of Perfection A January 2025 CNA–Institute of Policy Studies survey2 found Singaporean teens spend an average of 8.5 hours per day on screens, more time than they devote to school or sleep. Globally, 46% of U.S. adolescents report being online “almost constantly,” and 60% feel pressured to present an idealized self for likes and followers3. In this nonstop digital stage, every scroll, post, and reaction wires directly into the neurons shaping a teen’s self-concept. Physical appearance is central to many teens’ identities, and social feeds are flooded with airbrushed ideals. Internal Meta research4 leaked in 2021 revealed 32% of teen girls said Instagram made them feel worse about their bodies. Add to that nighttime scrolling, KK Women’s & Children’s Hospital (2024)5 found each extra hour of screen use after 10 p.m. raises next-day mood-swing odds by 21%. A sleep-deprived brain struggles with memory consolidation and self-reflection, processes vital for a coherent self-image, rendering teens more vulnerable to comparison and self-critique. Algorithms can also amplify harmful behaviors as identity expressions. In the Center for Countering Digital Hate’s Deadly by Design (2022) report6, new teen TikTok accounts encountered self-harm content within 2.6 minutes, and after 30 minutes, one in three videos promoted self-injury or suicide​. Likewise, a December 2024 CCDH study7 of YouTube recommendations found one-third of suggested videos contained harmful eating-disorder content, and 81% were not age-restricted. These loops trap vulnerable teens in a damage-defined identity, where pain and deprivation become badges of belonging. Community and Exploration It’s not all negative. Digital spaces can offer critical support for identity exploration, particularly for teens who feel marginalized offline. Online communities around neurodiversity, LGBTQIA+ experiences, or niche interests allow adolescents to test labels, find peers, and receive affirmation they might lack in real life. For example, transition narratives on TikTok help gender-questioning youth learn terminology, access resources, and spot role models. When stories of gender euphoria, the joy and comfort of affirmed identity, are shared online, some teens gain the language and confidence to live authentically. The key is ensuring these affirming narratives support rather than prescribe any one pathway. Autonomy Under Threat A stable identity requires privacy and agency over one’s own story. Yet Europol’s EU-SOCTA 2025 report8 highlights a 1,400% surge in AI-generated nude images of minors as deepfake tools proliferate. In response, schools in Europe and North America now run “deepfake drills” to teach students how to spot synthetic abuse and report incidents. Simultaneously, every tap and like is harvested as data capital: TikTok was fined €345 million in 20239 for mishandling under-16 data , and by age 13, the average U.S. teen accumulates 72 million data points that shape ads, credit offers, and even college recruitment. These incursions can leave teens feeling exposed, monitored, and reduced to a data profile, undermining self-determination. Building Resilient Identities Parents can’t, and shouldn’t, unplug technology. Instead, we can transform digital pressures into opportunities for intentional identity work using the these tips: 1. Presence: Weekly 5-minute Tech Tours where teens guide parents through their favorite apps, validating interests and spotting harmful patterns together. 2. Educate: explain algospeak and data harvesting, teaching teens they’re authors of their digital profiles, not products of them. 3. Agreements: Co-create a Family Tech Charter with mutually agreed limits (e.g., bedtime Downtime, screen-free zones) to bolster self-regulation. 4. Role-model: Demonstrate healthy detachment, charge devices outside bedrooms and share your own Screen Time stats openly. 5. Support and Boundaries: Bookmark crisis lines (SOS: +65 7672 4357; IMH helpline: 6389 2222) and enable in-app filters to safeguard mental health. 6. Alternatives: Encourage one daily offline “dopamine” activities (like sports, music, volunteering) to anchor identity beyond screens. The Takeaway: Authentic Selfhood in a Digital Age Technology can accelerate identity exploration and foster creative communities, but without guidance, it can also narrow, distort, and commodify self-concept. By weaving together clinical insight, data-driven understanding, and collaborative strategies, parents can guide teens toward authentic, resilient identities, both online and off. References 1 Mozilla Foundation. “TikTok: Unpacking Algorithmic Personalization.” Mozilla Research , April 2024. https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/research/tiktok-algorithmic-personalization-study/ 2 CNA & Institute of Policy Studies. “Singapore teenagers spend nearly 8.5 hours per day on screens.” Channel News Asia , January 2025. https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/screen-time-devices-survey-teens-spend-daily-stress-490828 3 Pew Research Center. “Teens, Social Media & Technology 2023.” Pew Research Center , October 2023. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2023/10/25/teens-social-media-technology-2023/ 4 The Wall Street Journal. “Facebook Knows Instagram Is Toxic for Teen Girls, Company Documents Show.” September 2021. https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-knows-instagram-is-toxic-for-teen-girls-company-documents-show-11631620739 5 KK Women’s & Children’s Hospital. “Screen Use and Sleep Patterns in Adolescents.” Journal of Pediatric Sleep , March 2024. https://www.kkh.com.sg/health-information/child-screen-time-sleep-study 6 Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH). Deadly by Design . December 2022. https://counterhate.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/CCDH-Deadly-by-Design_120922.pdf 7 Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH). YouTube’s Anorexia Algorithm: Key Findings . November 2024. https://counterhate.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/CCDH.YoutubeED.Nov24.Report_FINAL.pdf 8 Europol. European Serious and Organised Crime Threat Assessment (EU-SOCTA) 2025 . March 2025. https://www.europol.europa.eu/activities-services/main-reports/eu-socta-2025 9 Irish Data Protection Commission. “TikTok Fined €345 Million for Breaching GDPR.” DPC News , September 2023. https://www.dataprotection.ie/en/news-media/tiktok-gdpr-345m-fine

When James* (not his real name) walked into my office still holding his motorcycle helmet, he laughed sheepishly. "My wife hates this thing," he said, nodding at the matte-black shell in his arms. "She thinks I’m reckless. But I don’t ride for the danger. I ride because it’s the one place I can think. It clears my head." His eyes lit up as he described a weeklong ride he’d taken the year before along the Mae Hong Son loop in Northern Thailand with a group of friends. He told me how every twist in the road felt like freedom. "That adrenaline makes me feel powerful," he admitted. "And I feel like I’m supposed to give that part up." This wasn’t just about motorcycles. This was about what made him feel most alive and whether there was room for that part of him in the marriage. As we learnt more about the layers of their dynamic, a pattern emerged: James adjusted himself to avoid conflict. He skipped out on group rides, sold one of his bikes, made himself smaller, hoping this would preserve peace. Meanwhile, his wife, who deeply feared for his safety, viewed these concessions not as love, but as overdue maturity. I still remember the moment James asked, in despair, "How much more do I have to give up for this to work?" It’s easy to overlook how love can subtly ask us to trade parts of ourselves away. When the road that once gave you joy becomes a source of tension at home, when your values and interests feel incompatible with your relationship, what are you really being asked to let go of? How do we know when we’re adapting for love, or slowly disappearing inside it? When Compromise Turns Into Self Loss In long-term relationships, some flexibility is necessary. Two adults will never agree on everything. But there’s a difference between adjusting with integrity and eroding your identity. When compromise becomes chronic accommodation, it can stop feeling like love and starts feeling like self-loss. Most people don’t abandon their needs overnight. The erosion happens in small, well-meaning increments. You learn to read the room. You anticipate disappointment. You shrink in the name of "keeping the peace." Some clients tell me they’ve always been the reliable one, so they suppress their disappointment to keep the relationship steady. Others confuse love with self-sacrifice, believing that asking for too much will threaten the relationship. And many simply never learned that their emotional needs were valid to begin with, let alone how to express them. The danger lies in how socially sanctioned these behaviors are. Excessive compromising often masquerades as emotional intelligence or resilience - until the quiet resentment sets in. In my work with clients, I strive to help them unpack not just what they’ve agreed to but why they said yes in the first place. Sometimes it stems from early beliefs about their worth being tied to how easy they are to love. Sometimes, it’s an unconscious habit of keeping harmony at any cost. And often, it’s because no one ever asked them what they needed, so they learned not to ask either. How to Tell When You’re Compromising Too Much It is quite hard to know when the line has been crossed. Here are some common indicators. Healthy compromise should feel like a mutual effort that still honors your core. When it starts to feel like self-censorship, quiet resentment, or emotional shrinking, something needs attention. Ask yourself: Do I still recognize myself in this relationship? When I tried setting boundaries, does my partner listen or shut me down? Have I stopped asking for what matters because it feels like more trouble than it’s worth? When I adapt, does it come from a place of love or fear? Am I growing in this relationship, or becoming smaller within it? These questions cut deeper than the surface frustrations. They ask you to look at the structure you’ve built and whether it still honors the life you envisioned. If You’re Already Caught in the Cycle Start with reconnecting to your internal compass. When was the last time you felt fully yourself? What parts of you have gone quiet? Name your core emotional needs, in terms of what you value. These are not luxuries; they’re the roots of relational sustainability. Invite your partner in. Speak before the resentment calcifies. Use affirming language: “I miss the part of me that felt light and spontaneous. I want to bring that back into our relationship, and I need your help to do that.” And finally, stop trying to fix old patterns with old tools. If the usual ways of working things out aren’t helping, it’s time to step back and rethink the setup, not just who does what, but how you show up for each other and what kind of life you’re building together. Back to the helmet When James came in last week, he was still riding. Just less often, more thoughtfully. He told me they had started a new habit: each week, they share one thing they’ve done to support the other’s core needs, and one thing they hope for moving forward. “She still nags at me about my riding,” he said with a half-smile. “But now, she listens. And I’m starting to get why her sense of safety is tied to care, not control.” They’re not finished. But they’re just beginning to rewrite what healthy compromise looks like. It’s not perfect agreement, but a shared effort to make room for both people to matter. By Esther Oon-Bybjerg esther@counselingperspective.com 

Family plays a significant role in mental health. Healthy family relationships are characterised by emotionally available, understanding and supportive connections – a safe space where one can feel a sense of love, acceptance and belonging. This way of relating helps to foster emotional intelligence including a greater awareness and understanding of and ability to communicate about of oneself, emotions, as well as the capacity to show empathy for others. Learning from other family members’ skills and behaviours help to build one’s own coping resources. Having strong and consistent emotional support also facilitates resilience building – learning to face and deal with life challenges. Ongoing conflict or a hostile environment in a family, instability and lack of feeling accepted and understood can have the opposite, negative impact on mental well-being. Whilst adults can also be affected by a challenging family environment, resulting in increased stress, anxiety and depression, children are the most vulnerable in these circumstances and their distress may be expressed in indirect ways such as regression in behaviour, academic difficulties, trouble with sleep, irritable mood, fear, sadness and lack of interest in activities etc. Here are some key tools to foster better family relationships: Prioritize open communication – make regular time to check in with each other by asking open ended questions such as “What was the highlight of your day?”, “What are you enjoying/finding most challenging about school right now?” Practice active listening, that is, listening to understand not to respond. Hold a posture of curiosity rather than judgement being keen to learn more about the other person’s perspective rather than being quick to offer your own opinions. Create a safe and supportive environment – let family members know that it is acceptable to talk about any and all topics without fear. Allow space for feelings to be expressed and build trust through affirmation and validation. Criticism or dismissing emotions leads to a breach of trust and safety. Have fun together – engaging in activities that are enjoyable or trying new experiences together help to build positive connections. Try a family activity jar where everyone puts in suggestions and each family member gets to a turn to pick an option out of the jar. Model healthy coping – ensure that adults demonstrate healthy ways of managing stress, emotions and relationship challenges such as physical movement, relaxation, mindfulness techniques. Children learn what they observe. Ensure healthy lifestyle practices such as adequate sleep, balanced nutrition, and limited screen time. Lifestyle routines go a long way towards regulating emotions, mood and behaviour and set a stable foundation for optimal mental health. If you are struggling with ongoing family challenges, consider family therapy. It can be a helpful step to facilitate better communication, resolve conflicts and address unhealthy relationship dynamics. For more information and guidance, you can reach out to Claudette Jordan at info@counselingperspective.com

We all know the term ‘family matters’, which has direct and indirect interpretations, but who knew that long term impact of that phrase and that family, as in our ancestral lineage going back generations, can have direct impact on the current lives we are living and impacting our relationships in the now. Some would disagree but scientists studying epigenetics and/or transgenerational trauma are finding reason to believe the children and grandchildren of the holocaust survivors, for example, can exhibit symptoms similar to PTSD. The premise is that trauma can be passed through genetic, environmental, social avenues, and the family mythology, even two generations later. It is often recognized in a subtle or profound ways, which can show up in our inherent attitudes or personalities traits or in our unconscious thoughts and behaviors and limiting beliefs. Personal Mythology is one of the ways we explore these realms, by exploring the narratives that shape our lives and guide our decisions. Sometimes these mythologies are a powerful force driving a person into a successful life. Often these stories are outdated and unnecessary to carrying forward into the next generations. Family Constellations is another approach to uncovering these outdated patters and poltergeists from the past. It was created by Bert Hellinger and seeks to recognize ancestral trauma, through the patterns or obstacles which are showing up in the current life experience. The goal is to resolve those old conflicts and wounds of the past through a loving and purposeful ritual of closing, which honors the love that binds the family but also seeks to free the unhealthy bonds of those traumas. One might ask why we would want to look to the past to discover what is happening now. One important reason is for our physical health. These traumas can get trapped as energy, which can be held and felt in the body. Many people report experiencing a specific physical ailment afflicting them the day a loved one passed away, yet the pain never left. It is very common for our clients to seek counseling for an unexplained physical symptom that doctors can’t find the origin of or the cure for. Another reason to explore the past is when we see ourselves repeating unhealthy or unhelpful behaviors that hold us back in relationship or in career success. Whatever the reason we have to question things, there are often answers for those who are willing to seek them with an open mind. New frontiers of research and discovery of what we are capable of knowing is evolving in the same way nature evolves. But the takeaway from this month’s theme on family is really more of a question: If family mattered then—hundreds of years ago—and still holds the power to shape our lives today, how can we become more instrumental in creating a positive impact and legacy for the generations to come?