10 Tips for Dealing with Difficult Family Relationships During the Holidays

Claudette Jordan

While Christmas is often termed “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”, it can be a season of distress for many. Navigating less than ideal relationships with immediate, extended or in-law family often comes up in therapy sessions around this time of the year as the prospect of having to spend protracted periods of time with challenging people in your world can bring up old wounds. Most of my clients find themselves in a tension between feeling a desire to have family time together on the one hand, and a sense of heightened anxiety at the thought of the potential negative outcomes on the other.


If you opt for sharing the holidays together, then taking some time out before you meet to reflect on your emotions, the typical nature of your interactions, the situations that may be potentially difficult are all helpful towards your equipping. Here are some suggestions of steps that you can take towards your mental preparation:


1. Know what you're getting into - Making sense of the typical patterns of relating, the roles that we habitually fall into, what/who triggers you and the circumstances around that can improve your self and relational knowledge and understanding and help you to be less reactive in the moment. It also initiates the process of thinking about how to shift the usual dynamics and opens you up to the possibilities of new ways of relating. Think about your interactions with others like dancing together – if you want to change the dance you have to do some different steps.


2. Work towards acceptance - This is the first step for change. Your family is who they are. If they have disappointed you in the past, are not able to meet your needs or do not share the same ideas as you, trying to change them will leave you frustrated, resentful and disappointed. Their responses, or lack thereof, is not a reflection you and your worth but is an expression of their humanity and limitations. Sometimes our painful relational experiences keep us stuck in perceptions and a story that repeats itself and prevents us from seeing that there is also good in our family members. Acceptance means not only coming to terms with the negatives in these relationships but also seeing the positive attributes that can be enjoyed as well, creating a broader and different story.


3. Shift your expectations – Unmet expectations can trigger past hurt and pain and potentially create further conflict. Acceptance allows you to alter your expectations of your family to a more realistic outlook of how they will respond, what they can and cannot be or do for you and what the nature of your time together will be potentially be like.


4. Have a plan – Reflecting on past patterns of interactions and how you predict potentially challenging certain situations might go can lead to worry and a sense of helplessness. When worrying thoughts surface, use your energy to devise a plan of how you will handle these situations instead. Focus on what you can control rather than what you can’t – Will you choose to communicate differently? Can you steer the situation to a different outcome? Will you let things go rather than engaging? Is it better for you remove yourself from the situation? Asking these kinds of questions before hand and planning how you will respond helps you to feel some sense of control, decreases your level of anxiety and builds confidence.


5. Set clear boundaries for your time together - Being with your family does not imply that you are obligated to spend all of your time together or that you have to share the same living space with them. Think about whether it will serve you better to have separate accommodation. Choose what activities you want to share with everyone and do not be afraid to say no plans that you are not keen on. Make time to also include the traditions and experiences of personal importance to you that you might want to enjoy on your own or with selected people.


6. Establish communication limits - Have clear sense in advance of what are acceptable topics for you to engage in and what is off limits. This will help you to keep conversations from escalating. Remember that if potentially conflictual topics do arise, you can protect your truth without having to defend it, prove it, or convince anyone else of your reality. If you do decide to engage, try to stick to factual contributions of your experience, steer the conversation in an alternative direction, or try redirecting to a positive aspect of the time together and the original purpose of gathering as a family.


7. Gather support - If you have a partner, communicate some of your emotional insights, plan of action and boundaries so that you are on the same page and feel supported. Consider who are the other family members that you have more positive interactions with that could be a safe and trusting space for you to move towards.


8. Make time for self care - Before and during the time with your family. This will help to ground you and keep you relaxed. Besides a boundary on your time, think of how you might also need to protect other aspects of your wellbeing - intellectual, emotional and physical, what limits you would need to set in order to preserve your mental health and peace of mind?


9. Keep a check on your emotions - If you sense emotions building take a pause and get some alone time. What are the strategies that help you to pay attention to your emotions and soothe your body? Having a prior sense of what coping strategies you could employ helps you to deal more effectively with emotionally charged situations. Practicing self compassion allows you to validate your emotions and think about what you can do to meet your current needs. Other strategies such as journalling, sharing your thoughts and feelings with a trusted someone, mind body techniques such as breathing and relaxation exercises, time in nature and physical exercise can all be useful to alleviate your stress and help you to reset.


10. Keep a clear head - Be mindful of your alcohol intake. Whilst alcohol can be an enticing coping mechanism it can be counter productive. Managing your stress levels, regulating emotions, effective communication and decision making are actually all compromised when one is intoxicated. Instead keep in mind your other self care tools discussed above and use these when you feel stress levels rising and you need to self soothe.


If you find some of the above steps challenging to work though on your own, enlisting the help of a therapist who has expertise in family dynamics can be useful to understand relational patterns, your emotions as well as facilitating effective coping plans.


If you are interested in family counselling, please contact us via email, phone or WhatsApp to arrange a consultation with one of our supportive professional therapists.


About the Author: Claudette is a psychologist and an individual, relationship and family therapist. A firm believer in the transformative power of psychotherapy and coaching, Claudette is passionate about facilitating a safe and empowering process whereby individuals can face their challenges and find strategies that lead to a greater sense of wholeness. Read Full Bio >

Hope and Healing Trauma : I’ve learned that hope isn’t about perfection and healing isn’t about erasing the past.

By Fitz Anugerah • September 1, 2025
When I volunteered to write this month’s note on Hope & Healing Trauma, my mind was overflowing with ideas. There’s so much to say, so many perspectives, so many lived experiences. But as I began writing, I realised I had to bring it back to basics…the simplest truth. My wish is that if you take away just one thing from this note, it’s this: At the end of hope, lies your potential. Hope is a tricky thing. It can lift you up or it can feel completely out of reach depending on where you are in your healing journey. For someone carrying the weight of trauma, hope can feel foreign, almost unrealistic. And yet, even the tiniest glimmer of it can create the spark that helps us climb out of the darkest places. I’ve been there. I’ve had to pick myself up after the heartbreak of a toxic relationship that broke down my self worth in my twenties. I’ve had to rebuild form burnout at work, restart my finances after leaving a five figure corporate job to pursue entrepreneurship and even fight through a cancer diagnosis that changed everything I thought I knew about life. Reading these words here may make them sound neat and manageable, but what’s missing are the tears, the anxiety, the worry behind the scenes. What carried me through those moments wasn’t grit or resilience alone, it was hope. Hope that the only way was up. Hope that if I kept showing up for myself, I would eventually find light on the other side. But here’s the truth: healing is not linear. It’s messy. It’s haphazard. Some days you feel like you’re making progress and other days you feel like you’re back at square one. That doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re human. The true goal isn’t to avoid setbacks, but to get better at picking yourself up when they happen. For years, I lived angry; angry at relationships that hurt me, angry at an environment I didn’t feel I fit into, angry at life’s unfairness. But when I turned inward, I realised the anger wasn’t really about others. It was about me. I wasn’t showing up authentically for myself. I wasn’t giving myself permission to heal. That realisation became my tipping point. It wasn’t easy. It took years of counselling, meditation, journaling and one practice that profoundly shifted everything for me: BodyTalk . BodyTalk is a holistic healthcare system that looks at the whole person; your mind, your body and your experiences, not just your symptoms. Our bodies carry stories: traumas, emotions and unresolved memories that show up as stress, illness or pain. In BodyTalk these stories are gently uncovered and released. For me, it meant letting go of emotionally charged experiences I’d been unconsciously holding onto as my identity; stories that were taking up unnecessary space in my mind and body. When I allowed myself to release them through BodyTalk sessions, something incredible happened. I felt freer. My body felt lighter. And more importantly, my mind felt spacious again. Ready to hold, not pain, but potential. That’s where hope led me: to potential. The potential to be myself. The potential to heal. The potential to live differently, to go against the grain and be okay with it. So if you take away just one thing from this note, let it be this: hope is not about perfection and healing is not about erasing your past. Trauma doesn’t have to define you. When you stop letting it own you, you begin to uncover the space for who you are meant to be. And at the end of hope, always, lies your potential.

Hope & Healing Trauma: A Gentle Path Back to Wholeness

By Jeanette Qhek • September 1, 2025
Trauma can feel like a fracture - a sudden break in the rhythm of life. It lingers not only in our memories, but also in our bodies, our nervous systems, and the quiet ways we hold ourselves back. At first, healing can feel impossible. Hope can feel far away. And yet, again and again, I’ve witnessed that hope has a way of returning, sometimes softly, sometimes like the first crack of light after a long night. Healing from trauma is not about erasing the past, but about learning to carry it differently. It’s about reclaiming safety, connection, and trust in ourselves, one step at a time. When Trauma Stirs Old Wounds Often, what makes trauma feel so heavy is not only the event itself, but the way it awakens older wounds beneath the surface — fears of rejection, abandonment, or not being enough. These layers of pain can leave us feeling raw, isolated, and unsure of who we are without the identities or roles we once clung to. I remember this in my own journey. When life shifted suddenly and a physical skin illness pulled me away from the familiar roles and anchors of career and identity, it felt like everything I had built myself upon crumbled. On the surface, it may have looked like “just” a physical setback, but beneath it stirred deeper fears I had carried for years — the fear that without my achievements or image, I would not be enough. Like many people, I had learned to protect myself through identities: the achiever, the perfectionist, the one who blends in. These strategies helped me survive, but they also muted the most authentic parts of me. And yet, in the collapse of those identities, something unexpected happened: what felt like an ending became the beginning of something deeper. It wasn’t only a trauma healing journey — it became a path of rediscovery of myself. The Role of Hope Hope rarely arrives in dramatic ways. More often, it appears in small, almost ordinary moments. For me, it came in glimmers: Sitting quietly and realizing I could breathe again. Starting a small creative project during one of the darkest seasons of my life, just to make sense of what I was going through. Discovering the simple joy of being in nature, or feeling my body soften in therapy when I felt truly seen. The gentle presence of my therapist, who reminded me that I wasn’t broken. These moments didn’t erase the pain, but they reminded me that maybe things didn’t have to stay that way forever. Hope didn’t come as a single breakthrough; it came as tiny openings, each one widening my capacity to see possibility. And this is often how hope works. It doesn’t always arrive as a grand transformation, but as soft reminders that healing is possible. Step by step, we begin to reclaim the parts of ourselves that have been muted — the playful child who wanted to create, the intuitive self who sensed more than what could be “proven”, the tender parts of me that longs for connection without performance or perfection. What looks like collapse may, in truth, be initiation — a cracking open that makes space for authenticity. What Helps Us Heal Through my lived experience and my work as a psychotherapist, I’ve learned that healing is both universal and deeply personal. Safety comes first. Healing happens when there is enough safety — with ourselves, with others, or in a therapeutic space. The body remembers. Trauma imprints itself into the nervous system, which may keep responding as if the danger is still present. Healing means teaching the body it is safe again, so we can reconnect with who we truly are. Connection heals. True healing often comes when we allow ourselves to be seen, not hidden. Self-trust grows slowly. Over time, we can learn to trust our inner wisdom — discovering that love, acceptance, and authenticity flow naturally from it. Hope as a Practice Healing trauma doesn’t mean forgetting the past. It means weaving it into the tapestry of who we are — not as the whole story, but as one chapter. For me, hope has become a practice of unmuting — expressing myself more fully, even when it feels scary. It’s about remembering that being seen isn’t dangerous. It’s deeply healing. Hope whispers that our story isn’t finished. That we are more than what happened to us. That the same energy once used to survive can also be used to create, to love, and to thrive. Even on hard days, hope reminds us: you are not broken — you are becoming.

How Mealtime and Young Mental Health is Connected

By Claudia Correia • July 30, 2025
Do you prioritise family mealtime? In today’s fast-paced environment, where everyone often feels pulled in different directions, family meals can be easily dismissed and missed. Family meals can be truly magical; besides nourishing, they pull families into unity and support mental, physical and emotional health. The benefits span across all age groups. In teenagers specifically, a large body of research shows that families who have meals together show: • Better school performance, with a higher likelihood of achieving A’s, is in school. • Lower the risk of teenage behaviours such as smoking, substance abuse, eating disorders, teenage pregnancy and violence. • Lower risk for depression and anxiety, and higher self-esteem • Lower obesity risk and better cardiovascular health Family meals can play a vital role in strengthening family bonds, promoting stability, and fostering a sense of unity and connectedness. They also have the potential to enhance the developmental assets of adolescents, including problem-solving skills and social-emotional growth. Additionally, family traditions and routines, such as shared meals, provide a sense of consistency and an opportunity to connect while promoting healthy attitudes and behaviours related to food. Family meals are also powerful for adults, as well, with parents having better nutrition, less dieting patterns, more self-esteem and lower risk of depression – I see this happening every day in my practice. Eating meals together as a family also has a profoundly positive impact on the child’s and adolescent’s eating habits and diet quality; the more meals eaten together, the greater the impact. Number of meals together In today’s world, where schedules are packed and families barely meet, meals together can sound like quite an unrealistic task. Frequent regular family meals are usually defined as 3-7 times a week, keeping the consistency, reflect a sense of connection and priority. So, if you have only one meal a week together, consider how you can adjust your schedule to increase the number of family meals you have routinely. We have at least 16 possible times for families to eat together—seven breakfasts, seven dinners, and two weekend lunches. And let’s not forget snack time or bedtime snacks, which can also be used as a meaningful connection time over a fruit, nuts, and a glass of milk or a cup of yoghurt. Making family meals engaging and welcoming The ideal meal combines nutritious, balanced, and delicious food with fun and conversationbut not always easy to cultivate a welcoming and open environment and dining table. If keeping the conversation with your teen is hard, thefamilydinnerproject.org has some creative tips. Here are some: • Set an example and keep devices out of the dining table, and avoid getting distractedby them. • Encourage Sharing. Invite each family member to share highlights from their day or something they’re looking forward to. This sets a tone of openness and encourages everyone to participate. Start the conversation by sharing something about your day and asking for feedback from the children, e.g., how would you suggest Dad deals with his co-worker in that challenging situation? • Celebrate Small Wins . Use mealtime to acknowledge achievements, no matter how small. Celebrating these moments can boost a teenager’s self-esteem. • Cook Together. Involve your teenagers in meal preparation. This not only teaches them valuable life skills but also creates a shared experience that can make the meal more enjoyable. Play games if talking and sharing at the dining table is not something you are comfortable with yet ; games are a great way to break the ice. Here are some examples: • 20 Questions: One person thinks of an object, person, or place, and the others take turns asking yes-or-no questions to guess what it is within 20 questions. • Would You Rather?: Pose fun or silly hypothetical questions, like “Would you rather have the ability to fly or be invisible?” Everyone takes turns answering and discussing their choices. • Story Building: One person starts a story with a sentence, and each person adds a sentence to continue the story. This can lead to some funny or creative narratives! • Two Truths and a Lie: Everyone takes turns sharing two true facts and one false factabout themselves—the rest of the family guesses which is the lie. • Table Trivia: Prepare some trivia questions about family history, fun facts, or themes related to the meal or occasion. • Guess the Song: Hum or tap a rhythm of a song, and others try to guess what it is. You can even create categories like “Disney songs” or “80s hits.” • Charades: Act out a word or phrase without speaking, while the others guess what it is. This can be themed according to the season or a holiday. In Conclusion The link between family meals and mental health outcomes is clear. By prioritising shared mealtimes, families can not only improve their physical nutrition but also enhance emotional well-being through the connections formed around it. Even if it starts with just a few meals a week, the long-term effects on mental health and family bonds are profound. So, consider making family mealtime a cherished routine—you might be surprised by the positive changes it brings to your family dynamic One last note – don’t beat yourself up if family meals are not picture-perfect or don’thappen with the “right” consistency. Knowledge is power, and being aware of the benefits of family meals is important; therefore, this article. However, we also know that “life happens” sometimes, and family mealtime might be put on the backburner during these busy periods. That will not make you and your partner a failure, only human. Just restart building these routines again, step by step – these habits are utterly worth fighting for. Claudia Correia Dietitian and mother of two Accredited Dietitian of Singapore References Harrison, M. E., Norris, M. L., Obeid, N., Fu, M., Weinstangel, H., & Sampson, M. (2015). Systematic review of the effects of family meal frequency on psychosocial outcomes in youth. Canadian family physician Medecin de famille canadien , 61 (2), e96–e106. https://thefamilydinnerproject.org/ https://www.raisingteenagers.com.au/power-familymeals/