How Yoga Taught Me To Love Myself
Dr. Freya Bajandouh, PhD
I didn’t seek out yoga; I was lucky in that it fell right in front of me at the most perfect time of my life. I could never have believed the positive change the practice of yoga would have on me, and never would I have dared to believe it could teach me the most important lesson I have learned: how to love myself.
My first experience of yoga was while I was working at Cambridge University and I was assigned to a research project looking at the benefits of yoga. I had always been interested in yoga after hearing stories of life-changing, earth-shattering spiritual journeys other yogis had been on. My interest was fuelled further as I began to read more and more about how beneficial yoga can be to the mind and body. However, at the time I felt a preference for more vigorous physical exercise, and I viewed yoga purely as stretching. That was, until I stepped into a yoga studio and began my practice.
Yoga has achieved something remarkable.
It made me love myself. I had a pattern of intense negative thinking, self-criticism and low self-esteem. Yoga, completely unconsciously, has set me on the path to happiness.
Yoga has taught me that life isn’t about being perfect; it is about striving to be the best version of me today. Yesterday or tomorrow do not matter because each day is wildly different. In every yoga class, my body will work fantastically in some poses and not so well in others. Life is like this. We have no idea what each day will bring, nor can we predict it. All we can do it accept what we have in that moment and work with it.
I admired my determination to enter the yoga room day after day, even though it was the most uncomfortable place on earth. Uncomfortable physically, as I attended only hot classes (36-40 degrees Celsius) for my first year, and also mentally, as I was the least flexible in the room. I admired my body for how it would cope and adapt to the conditions of the room. I admired it, and thanked it, for the progress it made in each pose. Enduring such uncomfortable conditions would prove to me each day just how strong I was.
As a woman, seeing real women with real bodies is so important.
Real bodies with (what the media would have us believe are) ‘imperfections’, that are able to practice in the most beautiful way. The mirrors present in the studio played a big part in my self-acceptance. Being forced to stand and look at my body for 60 - 90 minutes gave my mind the opportunity to work deeply. My instant go-to thoughts of how disgusting I looked and how imperfect I was, had time to be pushed out by the reality in front of me. My judgemental mind quietened.
Yoga has, in short, completely changed my life. It has guided me toward the best version of myself that I can be. I am now calm, stress-free (most of the time anyway!), self-accepting and, most of all, happy. It taught me that true happiness has to be cultivated from the inside, and that this takes time. Without being constantly conscious of it, I am developing a patience and self-acceptance that I honestly never thought myself capable of.
All in all, I have learned that if we look after the inside, the outside takes care of itself. I am now, finally, channeling my perfectionist tendencies that were once damaging into something my body loves, and something that loves my body.
If you have been inspired by this article and would like to learn more about yoga and meditation and how you can incorporate it into your life, book a consultation with Dr. Freya Bajandouh.
About the Author: Dr. Freya strongly believes in the science of Positive Psychology and uses her wealth of knowledge in this area to help clients overcome issues they face, enabling them to feel more positive towards themselves and their lives. Freya has a PhD in Psychology, is a qualified Yoga Teacher, and has completed courses in Meditation and Buddhist Studies. Read Full Bio >
When I volunteered to write this month’s note on Hope & Healing Trauma, my mind was overflowing with ideas. There’s so much to say, so many perspectives, so many lived experiences. But as I began writing, I realised I had to bring it back to basics…the simplest truth. My wish is that if you take away just one thing from this note, it’s this: At the end of hope, lies your potential. Hope is a tricky thing. It can lift you up or it can feel completely out of reach depending on where you are in your healing journey. For someone carrying the weight of trauma, hope can feel foreign, almost unrealistic. And yet, even the tiniest glimmer of it can create the spark that helps us climb out of the darkest places. I’ve been there. I’ve had to pick myself up after the heartbreak of a toxic relationship that broke down my self worth in my twenties. I’ve had to rebuild form burnout at work, restart my finances after leaving a five figure corporate job to pursue entrepreneurship and even fight through a cancer diagnosis that changed everything I thought I knew about life. Reading these words here may make them sound neat and manageable, but what’s missing are the tears, the anxiety, the worry behind the scenes. What carried me through those moments wasn’t grit or resilience alone, it was hope. Hope that the only way was up. Hope that if I kept showing up for myself, I would eventually find light on the other side. But here’s the truth: healing is not linear. It’s messy. It’s haphazard. Some days you feel like you’re making progress and other days you feel like you’re back at square one. That doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re human. The true goal isn’t to avoid setbacks, but to get better at picking yourself up when they happen. For years, I lived angry; angry at relationships that hurt me, angry at an environment I didn’t feel I fit into, angry at life’s unfairness. But when I turned inward, I realised the anger wasn’t really about others. It was about me. I wasn’t showing up authentically for myself. I wasn’t giving myself permission to heal. That realisation became my tipping point. It wasn’t easy. It took years of counselling, meditation, journaling and one practice that profoundly shifted everything for me: BodyTalk . BodyTalk is a holistic healthcare system that looks at the whole person; your mind, your body and your experiences, not just your symptoms. Our bodies carry stories: traumas, emotions and unresolved memories that show up as stress, illness or pain. In BodyTalk these stories are gently uncovered and released. For me, it meant letting go of emotionally charged experiences I’d been unconsciously holding onto as my identity; stories that were taking up unnecessary space in my mind and body. When I allowed myself to release them through BodyTalk sessions, something incredible happened. I felt freer. My body felt lighter. And more importantly, my mind felt spacious again. Ready to hold, not pain, but potential. That’s where hope led me: to potential. The potential to be myself. The potential to heal. The potential to live differently, to go against the grain and be okay with it. So if you take away just one thing from this note, let it be this: hope is not about perfection and healing is not about erasing your past. Trauma doesn’t have to define you. When you stop letting it own you, you begin to uncover the space for who you are meant to be. And at the end of hope, always, lies your potential.
Trauma can feel like a fracture - a sudden break in the rhythm of life. It lingers not only in our memories, but also in our bodies, our nervous systems, and the quiet ways we hold ourselves back. At first, healing can feel impossible. Hope can feel far away. And yet, again and again, I’ve witnessed that hope has a way of returning, sometimes softly, sometimes like the first crack of light after a long night. Healing from trauma is not about erasing the past, but about learning to carry it differently. It’s about reclaiming safety, connection, and trust in ourselves, one step at a time. When Trauma Stirs Old Wounds Often, what makes trauma feel so heavy is not only the event itself, but the way it awakens older wounds beneath the surface — fears of rejection, abandonment, or not being enough. These layers of pain can leave us feeling raw, isolated, and unsure of who we are without the identities or roles we once clung to. I remember this in my own journey. When life shifted suddenly and a physical skin illness pulled me away from the familiar roles and anchors of career and identity, it felt like everything I had built myself upon crumbled. On the surface, it may have looked like “just” a physical setback, but beneath it stirred deeper fears I had carried for years — the fear that without my achievements or image, I would not be enough. Like many people, I had learned to protect myself through identities: the achiever, the perfectionist, the one who blends in. These strategies helped me survive, but they also muted the most authentic parts of me. And yet, in the collapse of those identities, something unexpected happened: what felt like an ending became the beginning of something deeper. It wasn’t only a trauma healing journey — it became a path of rediscovery of myself. The Role of Hope Hope rarely arrives in dramatic ways. More often, it appears in small, almost ordinary moments. For me, it came in glimmers: Sitting quietly and realizing I could breathe again. Starting a small creative project during one of the darkest seasons of my life, just to make sense of what I was going through. Discovering the simple joy of being in nature, or feeling my body soften in therapy when I felt truly seen. The gentle presence of my therapist, who reminded me that I wasn’t broken. These moments didn’t erase the pain, but they reminded me that maybe things didn’t have to stay that way forever. Hope didn’t come as a single breakthrough; it came as tiny openings, each one widening my capacity to see possibility. And this is often how hope works. It doesn’t always arrive as a grand transformation, but as soft reminders that healing is possible. Step by step, we begin to reclaim the parts of ourselves that have been muted — the playful child who wanted to create, the intuitive self who sensed more than what could be “proven”, the tender parts of me that longs for connection without performance or perfection. What looks like collapse may, in truth, be initiation — a cracking open that makes space for authenticity. What Helps Us Heal Through my lived experience and my work as a psychotherapist, I’ve learned that healing is both universal and deeply personal. Safety comes first. Healing happens when there is enough safety — with ourselves, with others, or in a therapeutic space. The body remembers. Trauma imprints itself into the nervous system, which may keep responding as if the danger is still present. Healing means teaching the body it is safe again, so we can reconnect with who we truly are. Connection heals. True healing often comes when we allow ourselves to be seen, not hidden. Self-trust grows slowly. Over time, we can learn to trust our inner wisdom — discovering that love, acceptance, and authenticity flow naturally from it. Hope as a Practice Healing trauma doesn’t mean forgetting the past. It means weaving it into the tapestry of who we are — not as the whole story, but as one chapter. For me, hope has become a practice of unmuting — expressing myself more fully, even when it feels scary. It’s about remembering that being seen isn’t dangerous. It’s deeply healing. Hope whispers that our story isn’t finished. That we are more than what happened to us. That the same energy once used to survive can also be used to create, to love, and to thrive. Even on hard days, hope reminds us: you are not broken — you are becoming.
Do you prioritise family mealtime? In today’s fast-paced environment, where everyone often feels pulled in different directions, family meals can be easily dismissed and missed. Family meals can be truly magical; besides nourishing, they pull families into unity and support mental, physical and emotional health. The benefits span across all age groups. In teenagers specifically, a large body of research shows that families who have meals together show: • Better school performance, with a higher likelihood of achieving A’s, is in school. • Lower the risk of teenage behaviours such as smoking, substance abuse, eating disorders, teenage pregnancy and violence. • Lower risk for depression and anxiety, and higher self-esteem • Lower obesity risk and better cardiovascular health Family meals can play a vital role in strengthening family bonds, promoting stability, and fostering a sense of unity and connectedness. They also have the potential to enhance the developmental assets of adolescents, including problem-solving skills and social-emotional growth. Additionally, family traditions and routines, such as shared meals, provide a sense of consistency and an opportunity to connect while promoting healthy attitudes and behaviours related to food. Family meals are also powerful for adults, as well, with parents having better nutrition, less dieting patterns, more self-esteem and lower risk of depression – I see this happening every day in my practice. Eating meals together as a family also has a profoundly positive impact on the child’s and adolescent’s eating habits and diet quality; the more meals eaten together, the greater the impact. Number of meals together In today’s world, where schedules are packed and families barely meet, meals together can sound like quite an unrealistic task. Frequent regular family meals are usually defined as 3-7 times a week, keeping the consistency, reflect a sense of connection and priority. So, if you have only one meal a week together, consider how you can adjust your schedule to increase the number of family meals you have routinely. We have at least 16 possible times for families to eat together—seven breakfasts, seven dinners, and two weekend lunches. And let’s not forget snack time or bedtime snacks, which can also be used as a meaningful connection time over a fruit, nuts, and a glass of milk or a cup of yoghurt. Making family meals engaging and welcoming The ideal meal combines nutritious, balanced, and delicious food with fun and conversationbut not always easy to cultivate a welcoming and open environment and dining table. If keeping the conversation with your teen is hard, thefamilydinnerproject.org has some creative tips. Here are some: • Set an example and keep devices out of the dining table, and avoid getting distractedby them. • Encourage Sharing. Invite each family member to share highlights from their day or something they’re looking forward to. This sets a tone of openness and encourages everyone to participate. Start the conversation by sharing something about your day and asking for feedback from the children, e.g., how would you suggest Dad deals with his co-worker in that challenging situation? • Celebrate Small Wins . Use mealtime to acknowledge achievements, no matter how small. Celebrating these moments can boost a teenager’s self-esteem. • Cook Together. Involve your teenagers in meal preparation. This not only teaches them valuable life skills but also creates a shared experience that can make the meal more enjoyable. Play games if talking and sharing at the dining table is not something you are comfortable with yet ; games are a great way to break the ice. Here are some examples: • 20 Questions: One person thinks of an object, person, or place, and the others take turns asking yes-or-no questions to guess what it is within 20 questions. • Would You Rather?: Pose fun or silly hypothetical questions, like “Would you rather have the ability to fly or be invisible?” Everyone takes turns answering and discussing their choices. • Story Building: One person starts a story with a sentence, and each person adds a sentence to continue the story. This can lead to some funny or creative narratives! • Two Truths and a Lie: Everyone takes turns sharing two true facts and one false factabout themselves—the rest of the family guesses which is the lie. • Table Trivia: Prepare some trivia questions about family history, fun facts, or themes related to the meal or occasion. • Guess the Song: Hum or tap a rhythm of a song, and others try to guess what it is. You can even create categories like “Disney songs” or “80s hits.” • Charades: Act out a word or phrase without speaking, while the others guess what it is. This can be themed according to the season or a holiday. In Conclusion The link between family meals and mental health outcomes is clear. By prioritising shared mealtimes, families can not only improve their physical nutrition but also enhance emotional well-being through the connections formed around it. Even if it starts with just a few meals a week, the long-term effects on mental health and family bonds are profound. So, consider making family mealtime a cherished routine—you might be surprised by the positive changes it brings to your family dynamic One last note – don’t beat yourself up if family meals are not picture-perfect or don’thappen with the “right” consistency. Knowledge is power, and being aware of the benefits of family meals is important; therefore, this article. However, we also know that “life happens” sometimes, and family mealtime might be put on the backburner during these busy periods. That will not make you and your partner a failure, only human. Just restart building these routines again, step by step – these habits are utterly worth fighting for. Claudia Correia Dietitian and mother of two Accredited Dietitian of Singapore References Harrison, M. E., Norris, M. L., Obeid, N., Fu, M., Weinstangel, H., & Sampson, M. (2015). Systematic review of the effects of family meal frequency on psychosocial outcomes in youth. Canadian family physician Medecin de famille canadien , 61 (2), e96–e106. https://thefamilydinnerproject.org/ https://www.raisingteenagers.com.au/power-familymeals/
