How to Reconnect and Rekindle Romance with Your Partner

Dr. Glenn Graves, PhD



I often hear my clients saying how they caught up with an old friend they hadn’t talked to in years and it was like “no time had passed”. I have experienced the same and it amazes me how the beauty of old friendships can be preserved over time.


I have reflected on this time of Covid-19, and how this pandemic is impacting the community and in particular, couples. It strikes me that many of my marriage counselling clients, prior to Covid-19, would describe their partner with a melancholic meandering, as the old friend they once had, who is now more like a stranger or even antagonist at times. They feel alone in the marriage and household, struggling with time management and work life balance and the majority complain about the lack of time with their kids or spouse, or more importantly their self. Then came Covid-19 and suddenly the Universe granted everyone’s wish, Right? Sadly this has caused great challenge for these partnered strangers now being housebound and “imprisoned” in the same shelter.


I believe in the art of reframe and tend to see this situation as a new opportunity for what Esther Perel calls mating in captivity. It is my deepest wish that all couple’s whether you are housebound together or apart, attempt to reframe this situation to take advantage of this rare opportunity. I know this is easier said than done and suddenly being thrust into a house with a veritable stranger is daunting, but this stranger is only a stranger because one or both let things drift. This person who you met at the pub or church or at a friend’s house party, or at work, used to ignite something in you. This person took your attention and became a priority, at least for a while, until the marriage ceremony or move in was complete. It is easy for couples to drift, especially after kids are brought into their worlds, but the majority of that original person (focus of your desire) is still intact and still there, just more shell shocked perhaps.


The good news is most relationships can be considered organic in the notion that growth comes from nurturing. If you were seeking enlightenment, you might spend more time in focused meditation or chanting mantras, if you wanted a deeper walk in your spiritual world you would spend more time in study, or deep contemplation and reverent honoring of the belief system. Why can’t we apply the same to relationships? If we allow the dynamic to become two people in a power play for the household, we can imagine where that will end up. This is especially the case, if one has been typically running the show already. So let’s step back and re-invest in the before-kids-vision of the couple’s relationship, when you could laugh and dream, and were constantly pursuing affection with the other. Trust me, the kids want this atmosphere as well.


The miscommunications, attitudes, and hurtful acts which have occurred in the ensuing years and which have created this vast divide, were just part of an unhealthy intimacy. It’s not your fault. Nobody explained how to handle the first 10 years of marriage and kids. This circuit breaker is meant to power down the old energy source. It’s meant to create a pause, and repair, then force a reboot to the system, bringing new energy and new charge!


Here are some ideas I would like all couples of Covid-19 to explore during circuit breaker: 


Partner A: You were a hunter for your partner once. In that state of want and pursuit, you were incredibly creative. Remember? You were gallant and chivalrous and adventurous and expressive, and romantic and very clever when planning your seduction. Now is your chance to bring that back. If you can’t be inspired by your partner because too much drifting has taken place, then let it be an exercise towards “enlightenment”. Take the first steps without knowing what will come of it, but knowing what you want to come of it. Or do it for the pure fun of being creative, in a way that benefits your partner.


  • If you are in the house together or if circuit breaker has you apart, look around the house. Be MacGyver for a moment. What furnishings, foods, toys, could help you create a spontaneous and romantic getaway, while in the same house. A staycation at home so to speak. Perhaps pick a place you have always wanted to travel to together and create it. A trip around the world can be brought to the living room through YouTube HD drone videos of most countries of the world, cuisine of any country can be made in your kitchen or ordered in. Costumes or local flair is easy to find in your closet when you really need to impress her. Additional props are strewn throughout the house from those souvenirs and trinkets you picked up and always wondered how you would use them.

Partner B, when we look at the 5 love languages the majority of the men I’ve met would say that Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch are their preferred ways of receiving love. So at least express one of these during this housebound era.


  • Create an authentic way to offer affirmation. Choose three things you like about your partner and offer this observation or insight with them. Even if it’s what John Gottman calls Positivity in Conflict, find a way to praise. This is when you would say what is good about this thing you want changed. For example, “Honey, I can overhear how amazing you are with your colleagues. You are so patient and kind when you are handling challenges with them, and I can imagine how much they all respect you”. I don’t feel the same kind of kind energy from you when we face challenges recently. What do you think is interfering with us? The tone you use to deliver this has to be sincere. Try to choose a positive statement that you actually believe and deliver the conflict part of the statement in the same genuine tone, so it won’t come across as sarcasm or condescending.


  • *This might seem like a passive way to seduce your partner but trust me, men have natural desires and in most cases are just trying to clear the obstacles to fulfilling that desire. If they feel undervalued or even worse, irrelevant, this is an obstacle.


For both partners, take responsibility for the relationship with this other human being. This person had dreams and hopes before meeting you. They had loving family who want the best for them. This dreamer is still alive and trying to live a life of value without getting lost in the process. Help them find their way, as you had promised once. 


  • Both parties can consider what lifts their spirits or builds on their resources. Make a list and see which areas match. Maybe it’s a music genre you both love, or a faith/practice (religion, yoga, meditation, etc.) you have been wanting to explore, then plan the activity together. These are all available online. Remember the things that can hurt us like sexual disconnection, value conflicts, can also be re-aligned and bring intimacy. Even financial re-visioning can bring a form of intimacy as it links directly to safety and security and shared dreaming. 


  • Massage is another I highly recommend especially because social physical connection is the one thing we are all craving the most at a time like this. A sensual massage conveys attraction, care, desire and is ultimately a very loving act in itself. Obviously both parties can offer this to the other. This is the most direct way of nurturing the organic love. 


Remember, if we are creating safety, investing in trust building behaviors, and offering adventures in our sincere pursuit of each other, the rest should flow naturally. The suggestion above are not intended to imply you should return to your partner, as a representative from the past (the old you). It is okay that you have evolved and changed, but let this new situation bring a new conversation with an old friend. Take time to get to know this person you chose so many years ago. The ideas above are just a few ways to kickstart the new adventure. This global social distancing initiative is a beautiful and very rare opportunity to revisit and reconnect with your old friend and life partner. Move away from melancholy towards magic moments in the present, while creating new memories for the future.


Carpe Diem!


About the Author: Dr. Glenn Graves is an American psychologist who has lived and worked in Asia since 2004. The founder and director of Counseling Perspective, Glenn has nearly two decades of experience in providing counselling support to local and expatriate individuals, couples, and families in Singapore. His specialities include child counselling and trauma recovery. Read Full Bio >

Hope and Healing Trauma : I’ve learned that hope isn’t about perfection and healing isn’t about erasing the past.

By Fitz Anugerah • September 1, 2025
When I volunteered to write this month’s note on Hope & Healing Trauma, my mind was overflowing with ideas. There’s so much to say, so many perspectives, so many lived experiences. But as I began writing, I realised I had to bring it back to basics…the simplest truth. My wish is that if you take away just one thing from this note, it’s this: At the end of hope, lies your potential. Hope is a tricky thing. It can lift you up or it can feel completely out of reach depending on where you are in your healing journey. For someone carrying the weight of trauma, hope can feel foreign, almost unrealistic. And yet, even the tiniest glimmer of it can create the spark that helps us climb out of the darkest places. I’ve been there. I’ve had to pick myself up after the heartbreak of a toxic relationship that broke down my self worth in my twenties. I’ve had to rebuild form burnout at work, restart my finances after leaving a five figure corporate job to pursue entrepreneurship and even fight through a cancer diagnosis that changed everything I thought I knew about life. Reading these words here may make them sound neat and manageable, but what’s missing are the tears, the anxiety, the worry behind the scenes. What carried me through those moments wasn’t grit or resilience alone, it was hope. Hope that the only way was up. Hope that if I kept showing up for myself, I would eventually find light on the other side. But here’s the truth: healing is not linear. It’s messy. It’s haphazard. Some days you feel like you’re making progress and other days you feel like you’re back at square one. That doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re human. The true goal isn’t to avoid setbacks, but to get better at picking yourself up when they happen. For years, I lived angry; angry at relationships that hurt me, angry at an environment I didn’t feel I fit into, angry at life’s unfairness. But when I turned inward, I realised the anger wasn’t really about others. It was about me. I wasn’t showing up authentically for myself. I wasn’t giving myself permission to heal. That realisation became my tipping point. It wasn’t easy. It took years of counselling, meditation, journaling and one practice that profoundly shifted everything for me: BodyTalk . BodyTalk is a holistic healthcare system that looks at the whole person; your mind, your body and your experiences, not just your symptoms. Our bodies carry stories: traumas, emotions and unresolved memories that show up as stress, illness or pain. In BodyTalk these stories are gently uncovered and released. For me, it meant letting go of emotionally charged experiences I’d been unconsciously holding onto as my identity; stories that were taking up unnecessary space in my mind and body. When I allowed myself to release them through BodyTalk sessions, something incredible happened. I felt freer. My body felt lighter. And more importantly, my mind felt spacious again. Ready to hold, not pain, but potential. That’s where hope led me: to potential. The potential to be myself. The potential to heal. The potential to live differently, to go against the grain and be okay with it. So if you take away just one thing from this note, let it be this: hope is not about perfection and healing is not about erasing your past. Trauma doesn’t have to define you. When you stop letting it own you, you begin to uncover the space for who you are meant to be. And at the end of hope, always, lies your potential.

Hope & Healing Trauma: A Gentle Path Back to Wholeness

By Jeanette Qhek • September 1, 2025
Trauma can feel like a fracture - a sudden break in the rhythm of life. It lingers not only in our memories, but also in our bodies, our nervous systems, and the quiet ways we hold ourselves back. At first, healing can feel impossible. Hope can feel far away. And yet, again and again, I’ve witnessed that hope has a way of returning, sometimes softly, sometimes like the first crack of light after a long night. Healing from trauma is not about erasing the past, but about learning to carry it differently. It’s about reclaiming safety, connection, and trust in ourselves, one step at a time. When Trauma Stirs Old Wounds Often, what makes trauma feel so heavy is not only the event itself, but the way it awakens older wounds beneath the surface — fears of rejection, abandonment, or not being enough. These layers of pain can leave us feeling raw, isolated, and unsure of who we are without the identities or roles we once clung to. I remember this in my own journey. When life shifted suddenly and a physical skin illness pulled me away from the familiar roles and anchors of career and identity, it felt like everything I had built myself upon crumbled. On the surface, it may have looked like “just” a physical setback, but beneath it stirred deeper fears I had carried for years — the fear that without my achievements or image, I would not be enough. Like many people, I had learned to protect myself through identities: the achiever, the perfectionist, the one who blends in. These strategies helped me survive, but they also muted the most authentic parts of me. And yet, in the collapse of those identities, something unexpected happened: what felt like an ending became the beginning of something deeper. It wasn’t only a trauma healing journey — it became a path of rediscovery of myself. The Role of Hope Hope rarely arrives in dramatic ways. More often, it appears in small, almost ordinary moments. For me, it came in glimmers: Sitting quietly and realizing I could breathe again. Starting a small creative project during one of the darkest seasons of my life, just to make sense of what I was going through. Discovering the simple joy of being in nature, or feeling my body soften in therapy when I felt truly seen. The gentle presence of my therapist, who reminded me that I wasn’t broken. These moments didn’t erase the pain, but they reminded me that maybe things didn’t have to stay that way forever. Hope didn’t come as a single breakthrough; it came as tiny openings, each one widening my capacity to see possibility. And this is often how hope works. It doesn’t always arrive as a grand transformation, but as soft reminders that healing is possible. Step by step, we begin to reclaim the parts of ourselves that have been muted — the playful child who wanted to create, the intuitive self who sensed more than what could be “proven”, the tender parts of me that longs for connection without performance or perfection. What looks like collapse may, in truth, be initiation — a cracking open that makes space for authenticity. What Helps Us Heal Through my lived experience and my work as a psychotherapist, I’ve learned that healing is both universal and deeply personal. Safety comes first. Healing happens when there is enough safety — with ourselves, with others, or in a therapeutic space. The body remembers. Trauma imprints itself into the nervous system, which may keep responding as if the danger is still present. Healing means teaching the body it is safe again, so we can reconnect with who we truly are. Connection heals. True healing often comes when we allow ourselves to be seen, not hidden. Self-trust grows slowly. Over time, we can learn to trust our inner wisdom — discovering that love, acceptance, and authenticity flow naturally from it. Hope as a Practice Healing trauma doesn’t mean forgetting the past. It means weaving it into the tapestry of who we are — not as the whole story, but as one chapter. For me, hope has become a practice of unmuting — expressing myself more fully, even when it feels scary. It’s about remembering that being seen isn’t dangerous. It’s deeply healing. Hope whispers that our story isn’t finished. That we are more than what happened to us. That the same energy once used to survive can also be used to create, to love, and to thrive. Even on hard days, hope reminds us: you are not broken — you are becoming.

How Mealtime and Young Mental Health is Connected

By Claudia Correia • July 30, 2025
Do you prioritise family mealtime? In today’s fast-paced environment, where everyone often feels pulled in different directions, family meals can be easily dismissed and missed. Family meals can be truly magical; besides nourishing, they pull families into unity and support mental, physical and emotional health. The benefits span across all age groups. In teenagers specifically, a large body of research shows that families who have meals together show: • Better school performance, with a higher likelihood of achieving A’s, is in school. • Lower the risk of teenage behaviours such as smoking, substance abuse, eating disorders, teenage pregnancy and violence. • Lower risk for depression and anxiety, and higher self-esteem • Lower obesity risk and better cardiovascular health Family meals can play a vital role in strengthening family bonds, promoting stability, and fostering a sense of unity and connectedness. They also have the potential to enhance the developmental assets of adolescents, including problem-solving skills and social-emotional growth. Additionally, family traditions and routines, such as shared meals, provide a sense of consistency and an opportunity to connect while promoting healthy attitudes and behaviours related to food. Family meals are also powerful for adults, as well, with parents having better nutrition, less dieting patterns, more self-esteem and lower risk of depression – I see this happening every day in my practice. Eating meals together as a family also has a profoundly positive impact on the child’s and adolescent’s eating habits and diet quality; the more meals eaten together, the greater the impact. Number of meals together In today’s world, where schedules are packed and families barely meet, meals together can sound like quite an unrealistic task. Frequent regular family meals are usually defined as 3-7 times a week, keeping the consistency, reflect a sense of connection and priority. So, if you have only one meal a week together, consider how you can adjust your schedule to increase the number of family meals you have routinely. We have at least 16 possible times for families to eat together—seven breakfasts, seven dinners, and two weekend lunches. And let’s not forget snack time or bedtime snacks, which can also be used as a meaningful connection time over a fruit, nuts, and a glass of milk or a cup of yoghurt. Making family meals engaging and welcoming The ideal meal combines nutritious, balanced, and delicious food with fun and conversationbut not always easy to cultivate a welcoming and open environment and dining table. If keeping the conversation with your teen is hard, thefamilydinnerproject.org has some creative tips. Here are some: • Set an example and keep devices out of the dining table, and avoid getting distractedby them. • Encourage Sharing. Invite each family member to share highlights from their day or something they’re looking forward to. This sets a tone of openness and encourages everyone to participate. Start the conversation by sharing something about your day and asking for feedback from the children, e.g., how would you suggest Dad deals with his co-worker in that challenging situation? • Celebrate Small Wins . Use mealtime to acknowledge achievements, no matter how small. Celebrating these moments can boost a teenager’s self-esteem. • Cook Together. Involve your teenagers in meal preparation. This not only teaches them valuable life skills but also creates a shared experience that can make the meal more enjoyable. Play games if talking and sharing at the dining table is not something you are comfortable with yet ; games are a great way to break the ice. Here are some examples: • 20 Questions: One person thinks of an object, person, or place, and the others take turns asking yes-or-no questions to guess what it is within 20 questions. • Would You Rather?: Pose fun or silly hypothetical questions, like “Would you rather have the ability to fly or be invisible?” Everyone takes turns answering and discussing their choices. • Story Building: One person starts a story with a sentence, and each person adds a sentence to continue the story. This can lead to some funny or creative narratives! • Two Truths and a Lie: Everyone takes turns sharing two true facts and one false factabout themselves—the rest of the family guesses which is the lie. • Table Trivia: Prepare some trivia questions about family history, fun facts, or themes related to the meal or occasion. • Guess the Song: Hum or tap a rhythm of a song, and others try to guess what it is. You can even create categories like “Disney songs” or “80s hits.” • Charades: Act out a word or phrase without speaking, while the others guess what it is. This can be themed according to the season or a holiday. In Conclusion The link between family meals and mental health outcomes is clear. By prioritising shared mealtimes, families can not only improve their physical nutrition but also enhance emotional well-being through the connections formed around it. Even if it starts with just a few meals a week, the long-term effects on mental health and family bonds are profound. So, consider making family mealtime a cherished routine—you might be surprised by the positive changes it brings to your family dynamic One last note – don’t beat yourself up if family meals are not picture-perfect or don’thappen with the “right” consistency. Knowledge is power, and being aware of the benefits of family meals is important; therefore, this article. However, we also know that “life happens” sometimes, and family mealtime might be put on the backburner during these busy periods. That will not make you and your partner a failure, only human. Just restart building these routines again, step by step – these habits are utterly worth fighting for. Claudia Correia Dietitian and mother of two Accredited Dietitian of Singapore References Harrison, M. E., Norris, M. L., Obeid, N., Fu, M., Weinstangel, H., & Sampson, M. (2015). Systematic review of the effects of family meal frequency on psychosocial outcomes in youth. Canadian family physician Medecin de famille canadien , 61 (2), e96–e106. https://thefamilydinnerproject.org/ https://www.raisingteenagers.com.au/power-familymeals/