Crafting Your Path as a Person-Centred Lawyer

Chei Liang Sin, MC, LLB
FINDING THE RIGHT PATH FORWARD

Congratulations! You have come a long way, from being qualified for law schools, to securing training contracts in the midst of Covid-19 pandemic, and finally to being admitted to the Bar! This is indeed a memorable moment to celebrate, and be proud of your achievements thus far, but also the time to take stock and reflect on your path forward.


For those of you who have a clear idea of the practice area in which you want to start your legal career, and have been offered a job – you are among the more fortunate ones. Many others, as I understand, are still pondering about which practice area or which firm to join. As a Panelled Counsellor under the Law care program and Career Path scheme of the Law Society, I have often been approached by young lawyers who wonder whether they are suited for what they are doing, or even whether law practice is for them.


By now, you would probably have a taste of the two main practice areas – Disputes and Corporate, and you might have been given a glimpse of some of the more focused practice areas. Hopefully, through your training and speaking to practitioners in the relevant practice areas, you would have an idea how it is like to be a disputes lawyer vs a corporate lawyer, and you have formed an opinion which practice area you are more inclined towards. In deciding which practice area is most suited for you, I encourage you to reflect and evaluate your values, interests, strengths and weaknesses.


VALUES


Do ask yourself what is most important to you in your legal career? Why did you choose to be a lawyer in the first place? Do you see yourself as the sort of justice lawyer who would Fight for the underdog and make a difference to the society? Do you have a passion to serve the community and be involved in family law matters? Or are you attracted to the corporate world where deals are made and solutions are created? I would urge you to follow your passion as well as your mission in choosing your practice, because if you are doing something fulfilling and meaningful to you, you will have more capacity to put in the hard work.


INTERESTS


Some of you love advocacy and could see yourself arguing in court. Some might be interested to see how a deal is structured, and what goes into a contract between two opposing parties. Many are attuned to technology and have a flair for the applications of intellectual properties. There are also lawyers who prefer the more routine type of work with manageable pace. Whatever your interests and temperament, there would be some practice areas within the diverse legal profession that might suit you.


STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES


As lawyers, we are usually better in some traits but not everything. Some have great advocacy skills, and the knack for strategising to win in court. Some others are good solution creators, and have the capability to draft ideas into contracts. Many have good interpersonal skills, and are skilled in people management and project management. Learning to play to your strengths and recognise your weaknesses, is part of the process in finding the right path for yourselves.


NEVER TOO LATE


You may not land yourself at the most suited firm or practice area at the first instance, and you may only discover that after a few years of trying out different firms or practice areas. However, do take heart that everything that you do in your early years of practice will only make you better in your next job. So, it would not be a waste of your time and effort if you need to take a few years to find your path, and it is never too late to change course. Even if you come to realise that the law profession is not for you after several years, you would have mastered some useful skill sets and made some good friends along the way, and your experiences would only enrich you.


BEING A PERSON-CENTRED LAWYER


I had learned in my master’s course in counselling (after my career as a corporate lawyer in private practice for over 25 years), that the three core conditions highlighted by Carl Rogers (1977) for being a person-centred therapist or counsellor are -- non-judgemental, congruence and empathy. As I look back, I realise that I had, albeit not consciously, actually applied the same three conditions, during my time as a lawyer. I would partly attribute to my practising of these conditions for being successful in sustaining myself all those years a  a transactional corporate lawyer in a highly stressful environment.


NON-JUDGEMENTAL


As a lawyer, we owe our duty to our clients (subject to the overriding duty owed to the court and upholding the law). Clients come in all forms and shapes; some are more demanding or idiosyncratic than others. It is not your place to judge your clients, regardless of your personal opinion or moral/ethics standards. It is your duty to act in the best interest of you clients, and advance their goals and objectives as instructed.


The same principle of having positive regard would apply to treating the people whom you work with, subject to reasonable standards of respect, non-discrimination and boundaries.


It would greatly facilitate your work, if you focus on the objective of the case/transaction and the task at hand, and not let your personal judgement of the clients or colleagues affect your emotions and stand in the way. Avoid personalising or labelling of others or yourself, and try to be rational, open-minded and receptive to others, including your subordinates.


CONGRUENCE


It is of utmost importance that we stay true to ourselves at all times, and act in a manner that is congruent with our feelings. If you are having difficulty with certain issues, take control of the issues and face them up-front. If you do not find your work fulfilling, reflect on what you are doing and whether it accords with your values and passion. If you are experiencing burnout, evaluate your actions and working environment, and take steps for self-care or have a change of environment. If your health is suffering or your personal life is falling apart because of your work, take stock of your current priorities in life.


It also pays to be sincere and honest with your clients and the people that your work with. If you think you are not able to meet certain deadlines, it is better to be truthful about it and manage the client’s or your supervisor’s expectations. If you have made any mistake, take ownership and apologise for it. If you disagree with your client’s or your co-worker’s approach, share your views in a respectful way.


You will earn the respect of your clients and colleagues by being congruent and mature, and managing any issues in a professional manner.


EMPATHY


For a lawyer to be effective, besides being technically sound, he/she needs to be good at reading people, reading the room/court, and understanding the issues or situations. It is therefore important to have empathy, the ability to put yourself in the shoes of others, and try to understand the situation from the perspective of your client, the counter-party, the opposing counsel, and other stakeholders. By understanding the client and other opposing side, you will be in a better position to provide a good solution to satisfy the parties concerned.


Similarly, having empathy for the people that you work with will reduce a lot of workplace conflicts. Looking from the other person’s perspective and not jumping to conclusion are important traits for enhancing healthy working relationships. From what I can see, empathy appears to be a rare commodity within the legal profession. This could be due to the high level of pressure from top down, causing everybody to be single-mindedly concerned about meeting his/her own performance targets or deadlines. Practising empathy will enhance your emotional intelligence which is an asset that is just as important, if not more, as your technical skills in sustaining your law practice.


However, above all, you must always have self-compassion, and not be too critical about yourself or your mistakes. Having a high but realistic standard for your work is fine, but trying to be perfect is unhealthy as there is no such thing as being “perfect”. You should not be afraid to make mistakes, as you learn by making mistakes, just like any other senior lawyers in the profession.


PARTING WORDS


As a newly admitted lawyer, do take your time to explore and find the right path for yourself, and a firm that offers the right fit for you. Try practising the key conditions of being a person-centred lawyer -- by being non-critical, congruent and empathic, to self and others. If there are more person-centred lawyers in the legal industry, it would be more sustainable for young lawyers to remain in the profession for the long haul.


Once again, congratulations, and best wishes to you in crafting your path forward.


Chei Liang Sin, a Law Society counselor, contributed the above article in the August 2021 issue of the Law Gazette, to share her thoughts and advice with the newly-called lawyers who have just been admitted to the Singapore Bar. Chei Liang believes that the same considerations and philosophies would apply to any other professions or careers. If you would like to seek career counseling or coaching, feel free to contact Chei Liang at cheiliang@counselingperspective.com.


About the Author: Originally from Malaysia, Chei Liang Sin has lived in Singapore for the past 30 years. She speaks English, Mandarin and Cantonese. A former corporate lawyer, Chei Liang made the career change to be a counsellor because she wanted to touch people's lives in a more meaningful way. She works with clients on various mental health issues and also provides career counselling. Read Full Bio >

Breathing Into the Essence of Who You Are: A Journey of Identity through Yin Breathwork

By Aki Tsukui • June 2, 2025
What does it mean to truly know who you are? During Pride Month, we celebrate the beauty of diverse identities and the courage it takes to live authentically. But beyond the labels and roles, there is a deeper essence waiting to be seen—a core self that exists beneath the surface. At Elemental Wellness, we believe that reconnecting with this essence is both a sacred and scientific journey. And breath is the bridge. The Breath: A Portal to the Subconscious Yin Breathwork, rooted in Leonard Orr’s Rebirthing Breathwork, offers a gentle yet profound way to access inner truth: not through thinking, but through feeling and presence. This form of conscious, connected breathing helps shift our awareness from the everyday, thinking mind (conscious) to the deeper, quieter terrain of the subconscious. Why does this matter? Because the subconscious holds the stories, emotional imprints, and beliefs we’ve absorbed, often unconsciously, from culture, family, and lived experience. These inner patterns shape how we see ourselves and how freely we live out our identities. Through slow, circular breath, Yin Breathwork helps bypass habitual thought loops and opens the door to neuroplasticity: the brain’s natural ability to rewire. When we breathe with intention and softness, we create a relaxed yet alert state, similar to light meditation or REM sleep, where old emotional imprints can surface and be gently released. Science Meets Soul: The Nervous System and Breath From a physiological perspective, breath is one of the few automatic functions we can consciously control. When we slow and deepen our breathing, we signal safety to the brain through the vagus nerve, activating the parasympathetic nervous system, our body’s natural state of rest and repair. This matters deeply for identity work. If we've lived in fight-or-flight, bracing against judgment, discrimination, or internalized shame, our nervous system may associate authenticity with risk. But breath offers another way. It teaches the body that it is safe to soften, to open, to be seen. Over time, regular Yin Breathwork can help regulate the nervous system, reduce anxiety, and increase emotional resilience. It becomes a quiet revolution within: an unlearning of fear and a return to inner freedom. Identity: A Living, Breathing Process We often think of identity as something to define or declare. But what if identity is not fixed, but fluid? What if it’s something we remember , layer by layer, breath by breath? In a Yin Breathwork session, there is no need to force answers. We simply lie back and breathe, allowing what wants to emerge to rise. The experience can feel meditative, emotional, or quietly powerful. As tension releases from the body, insight often follows about who we are beneath the roles, the expectations, the old stories. Rather than striving for authenticity, we relax into it . This isn’t a quick fix. It’s a return to the self—a remembering of what has always been there. And in that remembering, healing happens Pride as a Return to Wholeness Whether you're navigating your gender, sexuality, cultural heritage, or your evolving sense of self, Yin Breathwork offers a sanctuary—a space to return to your body and your truth. There’s no performance. No pressure. Just breath. Just presence. Just you. This Pride, instead of stepping out, we invite you to step in. To soften. To listen. To discover who you are beneath the noise gently, fully, and unapologetically. Yin Breathwork isn’t about changing yourself; it’s about remembering who you’ve always been. Join us for a Yin Breathwork session and reconnect with who you truly are. For booking: info@counselingperspective.com

Shaping Selfhood: How Tech and Social Media Influence Teens’ Identity Formation

By Emanuela Koch • June 2, 2025
Adolescence is a time of profound self-discovery: teens experiment with interests, values, friendships, and personal style as they build their emerging identities. Yet in today’s hyperconnected world, much of that identity work happens on screens. Rather than exploring who they are through face-to-face interaction, teens now look to social-media feeds, influencers, and online communities to test different selves. Every “like”, filter, and “follow” becomes a data point that algorithms use to mirror back a curated version of the self. This digital reflection can empower creativity and connection, but it can also distort self-worth, foster comparison, and lock teens into narrow, algorithm-driven identities. In fact, a 2024 Mozilla study1 found TikTok locks in on a user’s niche within 40 minutes, after which 80% of videos reinforce that same theme, even if the user stops engaging. Over time, teens learn to judge their worth by these algorithmic reflections, embedding a fragile, externally dictated self-image. Why Teenage Years Are Crucial for Identity Formation During adolescence, the brain undergoes a dramatic reorganization. The limbic system, which governs emotions and reward processing, matures rapidly around puberty, making teens especially sensitive to social feedback and novelty. In contrast, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for impulse control, planning, and reflection, continues developing into the mid-twenties. This imbalance creates a window where emotional drives often outweigh rational oversight. Simultaneously, the brain undergoes synaptic pruning and myelination, strengthening neural pathways through repeated behaviors. Online, every click, like, or share provides immediate emotional payoff and simultaneously reinforces circuits that link identity to digital validation loops. This makes adolescence a uniquely malleable, and vulnerable, time for forming a lifelong sense of self. A World Where Identity Is Always “On” and the Pressure of Perfection A January 2025 CNA–Institute of Policy Studies survey2 found Singaporean teens spend an average of 8.5 hours per day on screens, more time than they devote to school or sleep. Globally, 46% of U.S. adolescents report being online “almost constantly,” and 60% feel pressured to present an idealized self for likes and followers3. In this nonstop digital stage, every scroll, post, and reaction wires directly into the neurons shaping a teen’s self-concept. Physical appearance is central to many teens’ identities, and social feeds are flooded with airbrushed ideals. Internal Meta research4 leaked in 2021 revealed 32% of teen girls said Instagram made them feel worse about their bodies. Add to that nighttime scrolling, KK Women’s & Children’s Hospital (2024)5 found each extra hour of screen use after 10 p.m. raises next-day mood-swing odds by 21%. A sleep-deprived brain struggles with memory consolidation and self-reflection, processes vital for a coherent self-image, rendering teens more vulnerable to comparison and self-critique. Algorithms can also amplify harmful behaviors as identity expressions. In the Center for Countering Digital Hate’s Deadly by Design (2022) report6, new teen TikTok accounts encountered self-harm content within 2.6 minutes, and after 30 minutes, one in three videos promoted self-injury or suicide​. Likewise, a December 2024 CCDH study7 of YouTube recommendations found one-third of suggested videos contained harmful eating-disorder content, and 81% were not age-restricted. These loops trap vulnerable teens in a damage-defined identity, where pain and deprivation become badges of belonging. Community and Exploration It’s not all negative. Digital spaces can offer critical support for identity exploration, particularly for teens who feel marginalized offline. Online communities around neurodiversity, LGBTQIA+ experiences, or niche interests allow adolescents to test labels, find peers, and receive affirmation they might lack in real life. For example, transition narratives on TikTok help gender-questioning youth learn terminology, access resources, and spot role models. When stories of gender euphoria, the joy and comfort of affirmed identity, are shared online, some teens gain the language and confidence to live authentically. The key is ensuring these affirming narratives support rather than prescribe any one pathway. Autonomy Under Threat A stable identity requires privacy and agency over one’s own story. Yet Europol’s EU-SOCTA 2025 report8 highlights a 1,400% surge in AI-generated nude images of minors as deepfake tools proliferate. In response, schools in Europe and North America now run “deepfake drills” to teach students how to spot synthetic abuse and report incidents. Simultaneously, every tap and like is harvested as data capital: TikTok was fined €345 million in 20239 for mishandling under-16 data , and by age 13, the average U.S. teen accumulates 72 million data points that shape ads, credit offers, and even college recruitment. These incursions can leave teens feeling exposed, monitored, and reduced to a data profile, undermining self-determination. Building Resilient Identities Parents can’t, and shouldn’t, unplug technology. Instead, we can transform digital pressures into opportunities for intentional identity work using the these tips: 1. Presence: Weekly 5-minute Tech Tours where teens guide parents through their favorite apps, validating interests and spotting harmful patterns together. 2. Educate: explain algospeak and data harvesting, teaching teens they’re authors of their digital profiles, not products of them. 3. Agreements: Co-create a Family Tech Charter with mutually agreed limits (e.g., bedtime Downtime, screen-free zones) to bolster self-regulation. 4. Role-model: Demonstrate healthy detachment, charge devices outside bedrooms and share your own Screen Time stats openly. 5. Support and Boundaries: Bookmark crisis lines (SOS: +65 7672 4357; IMH helpline: 6389 2222) and enable in-app filters to safeguard mental health. 6. Alternatives: Encourage one daily offline “dopamine” activities (like sports, music, volunteering) to anchor identity beyond screens. The Takeaway: Authentic Selfhood in a Digital Age Technology can accelerate identity exploration and foster creative communities, but without guidance, it can also narrow, distort, and commodify self-concept. By weaving together clinical insight, data-driven understanding, and collaborative strategies, parents can guide teens toward authentic, resilient identities, both online and off. References 1 Mozilla Foundation. “TikTok: Unpacking Algorithmic Personalization.” Mozilla Research , April 2024. https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/research/tiktok-algorithmic-personalization-study/ 2 CNA & Institute of Policy Studies. “Singapore teenagers spend nearly 8.5 hours per day on screens.” Channel News Asia , January 2025. https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/screen-time-devices-survey-teens-spend-daily-stress-490828 3 Pew Research Center. “Teens, Social Media & Technology 2023.” Pew Research Center , October 2023. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2023/10/25/teens-social-media-technology-2023/ 4 The Wall Street Journal. “Facebook Knows Instagram Is Toxic for Teen Girls, Company Documents Show.” September 2021. https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-knows-instagram-is-toxic-for-teen-girls-company-documents-show-11631620739 5 KK Women’s & Children’s Hospital. “Screen Use and Sleep Patterns in Adolescents.” Journal of Pediatric Sleep , March 2024. https://www.kkh.com.sg/health-information/child-screen-time-sleep-study 6 Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH). Deadly by Design . December 2022. https://counterhate.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/CCDH-Deadly-by-Design_120922.pdf 7 Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH). YouTube’s Anorexia Algorithm: Key Findings . November 2024. https://counterhate.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/CCDH.YoutubeED.Nov24.Report_FINAL.pdf 8 Europol. European Serious and Organised Crime Threat Assessment (EU-SOCTA) 2025 . March 2025. https://www.europol.europa.eu/activities-services/main-reports/eu-socta-2025 9 Irish Data Protection Commission. “TikTok Fined €345 Million for Breaching GDPR.” DPC News , September 2023. https://www.dataprotection.ie/en/news-media/tiktok-gdpr-345m-fine

When Compromise Feels Like Losing Yourself: How to Know What’s Worth Adjusting For

By By Esther Oon-Bybjerg • May 15, 2025
When James* (not his real name) walked into my office still holding his motorcycle helmet, he laughed sheepishly. "My wife hates this thing," he said, nodding at the matte-black shell in his arms. "She thinks I’m reckless. But I don’t ride for the danger. I ride because it’s the one place I can think. It clears my head." His eyes lit up as he described a weeklong ride he’d taken the year before along the Mae Hong Son loop in Northern Thailand with a group of friends. He told me how every twist in the road felt like freedom. "That adrenaline makes me feel powerful," he admitted. "And I feel like I’m supposed to give that part up." This wasn’t just about motorcycles. This was about what made him feel most alive and whether there was room for that part of him in the marriage. As we learnt more about the layers of their dynamic, a pattern emerged: James adjusted himself to avoid conflict. He skipped out on group rides, sold one of his bikes, made himself smaller, hoping this would preserve peace. Meanwhile, his wife, who deeply feared for his safety, viewed these concessions not as love, but as overdue maturity. I still remember the moment James asked, in despair, "How much more do I have to give up for this to work?" It’s easy to overlook how love can subtly ask us to trade parts of ourselves away. When the road that once gave you joy becomes a source of tension at home, when your values and interests feel incompatible with your relationship, what are you really being asked to let go of? How do we know when we’re adapting for love, or slowly disappearing inside it? When Compromise Turns Into Self Loss In long-term relationships, some flexibility is necessary. Two adults will never agree on everything. But there’s a difference between adjusting with integrity and eroding your identity. When compromise becomes chronic accommodation, it can stop feeling like love and starts feeling like self-loss. Most people don’t abandon their needs overnight. The erosion happens in small, well-meaning increments. You learn to read the room. You anticipate disappointment. You shrink in the name of "keeping the peace." Some clients tell me they’ve always been the reliable one, so they suppress their disappointment to keep the relationship steady. Others confuse love with self-sacrifice, believing that asking for too much will threaten the relationship. And many simply never learned that their emotional needs were valid to begin with, let alone how to express them. The danger lies in how socially sanctioned these behaviors are. Excessive compromising often masquerades as emotional intelligence or resilience - until the quiet resentment sets in. In my work with clients, I strive to help them unpack not just what they’ve agreed to but why they said yes in the first place. Sometimes it stems from early beliefs about their worth being tied to how easy they are to love. Sometimes, it’s an unconscious habit of keeping harmony at any cost. And often, it’s because no one ever asked them what they needed, so they learned not to ask either. How to Tell When You’re Compromising Too Much It is quite hard to know when the line has been crossed. Here are some common indicators. Healthy compromise should feel like a mutual effort that still honors your core. When it starts to feel like self-censorship, quiet resentment, or emotional shrinking, something needs attention. Ask yourself: Do I still recognize myself in this relationship? When I tried setting boundaries, does my partner listen or shut me down? Have I stopped asking for what matters because it feels like more trouble than it’s worth? When I adapt, does it come from a place of love or fear? Am I growing in this relationship, or becoming smaller within it? These questions cut deeper than the surface frustrations. They ask you to look at the structure you’ve built and whether it still honors the life you envisioned. If You’re Already Caught in the Cycle Start with reconnecting to your internal compass. When was the last time you felt fully yourself? What parts of you have gone quiet? Name your core emotional needs, in terms of what you value. These are not luxuries; they’re the roots of relational sustainability. Invite your partner in. Speak before the resentment calcifies. Use affirming language: “I miss the part of me that felt light and spontaneous. I want to bring that back into our relationship, and I need your help to do that.” And finally, stop trying to fix old patterns with old tools. If the usual ways of working things out aren’t helping, it’s time to step back and rethink the setup, not just who does what, but how you show up for each other and what kind of life you’re building together. Back to the helmet When James came in last week, he was still riding. Just less often, more thoughtfully. He told me they had started a new habit: each week, they share one thing they’ve done to support the other’s core needs, and one thing they hope for moving forward. “She still nags at me about my riding,” he said with a half-smile. “But now, she listens. And I’m starting to get why her sense of safety is tied to care, not control.” They’re not finished. But they’re just beginning to rewrite what healthy compromise looks like. It’s not perfect agreement, but a shared effort to make room for both people to matter. By Esther Oon-Bybjerg esther@counselingperspective.com