Crafting Your Path as a Person-Centred Lawyer

Chei Liang Sin, MC, LLB

FINDING THE RIGHT PATH FORWARD

Congratulations! You have come a long way, from being qualified for law schools, to securing training contracts in the midst of Covid-19 pandemic, and finally to being admitted to the Bar! This is indeed a memorable moment to celebrate, and be proud of your achievements thus far, but also the time to take stock and reflect on your path forward.

For those of you who have a clear idea of the practice area in which you want to start your legal career, and have been offered a job – you are among the more fortunate ones. Many others, as I understand, are still pondering about which practice area or which firm to join. As a Panelled Counsellor under the Law care program and Career Path scheme of the Law Society, I have often been approached by young lawyers who wonder whether they are suited for what they are doing, or even whether law practice is for them.

By now, you would probably have a taste of the two main practice areas – Disputes and Corporate, and you might have been given a glimpse of some of the more focused practice areas. Hopefully, through your training and speaking to practitioners in the relevant practice areas, you would have an idea how it is like to be a disputes lawyer vs a corporate lawyer, and you have formed an opinion which practice area you are more inclined towards. In deciding which practice area is most suited for you, I encourage you to reflect and evaluate your values, interests, strengths and weaknesses.

VALUES

Do ask yourself what is most important to you in your legal career? Why did you choose to be a lawyer in the first place? Do you see yourself as the sort of justice lawyer who would Fight for the underdog and make a difference to the society? Do you have a passion to serve the community and be involved in family law matters? Or are you attracted to the corporate world where deals are made and solutions are created? I would urge you to follow your passion as well as your mission in choosing your practice, because if you are doing something fulfilling and meaningful to you, you will have more capacity to put in the hard work.

INTERESTS

Some of you love advocacy and could see yourself arguing in court. Some might be interested to see how a deal is structured, and what goes into a contract between two opposing parties. Many are attuned to technology and have a flair for the applications of intellectual properties. There are also lawyers who prefer the more routine type of work with manageable pace. Whatever your interests and temperament, there would be some practice areas within the diverse legal profession that might suit you.

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES

As lawyers, we are usually better in some traits but not everything. Some have great advocacy skills, and the knack for strategising to win in court. Some others are good solution creators, and have the capability to draft ideas into contracts. Many have good interpersonal skills, and are skilled in people management and project management. Learning to play to your strengths and recognise your weaknesses, is part of the process in finding the right path for yourselves.

NEVER TOO LATE

You may not land yourself at the most suited firm or practice area at the first instance, and you may only discover that after a few years of trying out different firms or practice areas. However, do take heart that everything that you do in your early years of practice will only make you better in your next job. So, it would not be a waste of your time and effort if you need to take a few years to find your path, and it is never too late to change course. Even if you come to realise that the law profession is not for you after several years, you would have mastered some useful skill sets and made some good friends along the way, and your experiences would only enrich you.

BEING A PERSON-CENTRED LAWYER

I had learned in my master’s course in counselling (after my career as a corporate lawyer in private practice for over 25 years), that the three core conditions highlighted by Carl Rogers (1977) for being a person-centred therapist or counsellor are -- non-judgemental, congruence and empathy. As I look back, I realise that I had, albeit not consciously, actually applied the same three conditions, during my time as a lawyer. I would partly attribute to my practising of these conditions for being successful in sustaining myself all those years a a transactional corporate lawyer in a highly stressful environment.

NON-JUDGEMENTAL

As a lawyer, we owe our duty to our clients (subject to the overriding duty owed to the court and upholding the law). Clients come in all forms and shapes; some are more demanding or idiosyncratic than others. It is not your place to judge your clients, regardless of your personal opinion or moral/ethics standards. It is your duty to act in the best interest of you clients, and advance their goals and objectives as instructed.

The same principle of having positive regard would apply to treating the people whom you work with, subject to reasonable standards of respect, non-discrimination and boundaries.

It would greatly facilitate your work, if you focus on the objective of the case/transaction and the task at hand, and not let your personal judgement of the clients or colleagues affect your emotions and stand in the way. Avoid personalising or labelling of others or yourself, and try to be rational, open-minded and receptive to others, including your subordinates.

CONGRUENCE

It is of utmost importance that we stay true to ourselves at all times, and act in a manner that is congruent with our feelings. If you are having difficulty with certain issues, take control of the issues and face them up-front. If you do not find your work fulfilling, reflect on what you are doing and whether it accords with your values and passion. If you are experiencing burnout, evaluate your actions and working environment, and take steps for self-care or have a change of environment. If your health is suffering or your personal life is falling apart because of your work, take stock of your current priorities in life.

It also pays to be sincere and honest with your clients and the people that your work with. If you think you are not able to meet certain deadlines, it is better to be truthful about it and manage the client’s or your supervisor’s expectations. If you have made any mistake, take ownership and apologise for it. If you disagree with your client’s or your co-worker’s approach, share your views in a respectful way.

You will earn the respect of your clients and colleagues by being congruent and mature, and managing any issues in a professional manner.

EMPATHY

For a lawyer to be effective, besides being technically sound, he/she needs to be good at reading people, reading the room/court, and understanding the issues or situations. It is therefore important to have empathy, the ability to put yourself in the shoes of others, and try to understand the situation from the perspective of your client, the counter-party, the opposing counsel, and other stakeholders. By understanding the client and other opposing side, you will be in a better position to provide a good solution to satisfy the parties concerned.

Similarly, having empathy for the people that you work with will reduce a lot of workplace conflicts. Looking from the other person’s perspective and not jumping to conclusion are important traits for enhancing healthy working relationships. From what I can see, empathy appears to be a rare commodity within the legal profession. This could be due to the high level of pressure from top down, causing everybody to be single-mindedly concerned about meeting his/her own performance targets or deadlines. Practising empathy will enhance your emotional intelligence which is an asset that is just as important, if not more, as your technical skills in sustaining your law practice.

However, above all, you must always have self-compassion, and not be too critical about yourself or your mistakes. Having a high but realistic standard for your work is fine, but trying to be perfect is unhealthy as there is no such thing as being “perfect”. You should not be afraid to make mistakes, as you learn by making mistakes, just like any other senior lawyers in the profession.

PARTING WORDS

As a newly admitted lawyer, do take your time to explore and find the right path for yourself, and a firm that offers the right fit for you. Try practising the key conditions of being a person-centred lawyer -- by being non-critical, congruent and empathic, to self and others. If there are more person-centred lawyers in the legal industry, it would be more sustainable for young lawyers to remain in the profession for the long haul.

Once again, congratulations, and best wishes to you in crafting your path forward.

Chei Liang Sin, a Law Society counselor, contributed the above article in the August 2021 issue of the Law Gazette, to share her thoughts and advice with the newly-called lawyers who have just been admitted to the Singapore Bar. Chei Liang believes that the same considerations and philosophies would apply to any other professions or careers. If you would like to seek career counseling or coaching, feel free to contact Chei Liang at cheiliang@counselingperspective.com.

About the Author: Originally from Malaysia, Chei Liang Sin has lived in Singapore for the past 30 years. She speaks English, Mandarin and Cantonese. A former corporate lawyer, Chei Liang made the career change to be a counsellor because she wanted to touch people's lives in a more meaningful way. She works with clients on various mental health issues and also provides career counselling. Read Full Bio >

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The Evolving Circle of Friendship

By Praveen Kaur • July 1, 2025

“Girl, if you have five real friends after 60, you’ve made some good choices.” said this voice full of wisdom. I remember that taxi ride very clearly. At that moment, I chuckled and started counting my “close” friends using my fingers, toes and maybe even a few rounds in. That sentence stuck with me for over 20 years. I knew deep down someday I will have to recollect that moment. Friendship is beautiful. It is also layered, unpredictable and at times, bittersweet. It grows, withers, surprises us, quietly fades away and sometimes comes back in new form. This is especially true as we transition through life, careers, motherhood, healing and reinvention, our social circles shift with us. Who you needed yesterday may not be who you need today. If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering “Where did everyone go?” or “Why do I feel closer to someone I just met than people I’ve known for years?”, you are not alone. You’re just evolving. And evolution rarely leaves your social circle untouched. What Is Friendship, Really? By definition, friendship is “a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.” But let’s be real, that doesn’t capture the heart of it. To me, friendship is… A soul who supports you without judgement. A person who calls you out with love and cheers you on even louder. Someone who holds space for your becoming. So I’ll ask you, what’s your definition of friendship? Take a breath. Feel into it. You might find your answer has changed. That’s not wrong. It is honest. There’s no shame in evolving, only alignment with your present truth. When You Change, So Do Your Friendships This part can feel tender: when your inner world shifts, your outer circle often reflects that. Some friends will rise with you and celebrate your growth. Some surprise you by meeting you right where you are. Some will resist your change. And some will quietly fade. It’s not about fault; it’s about alignment. That friend who used to be your late-night rant partner might not be your 6 AM hike buddy. And the colleague who didn’t really “get you” five years ago? He / She might be your biggest fan now. Change is inevitable. Clinging to what was can hold you back from what’s possible. What Role Does Energy Play in Friendship? In the Energy Leadership™ framework , we recognize 7 levels of energy. Each representing a way of thinking, feeling and showing up in the world. These levels can also show us how we relate to our friends especially when change enters the picture. Let’s explore: ⚫ Level 1: Victim Energy "No one understands me anymore." This is where disconnection and self-doubt live. You may retreat or feel abandoned. Friendships can feel draining when this is the dominant lens. 🔴 Level 2: Conflict Energy "They don’t support me like I support them." Resentments build. You may find yourself judging, comparing or feeling the urge to prove yourself. Friendships become power plays instead of safe spaces. 🟠 Level 3: Coping Energy "It’s fine. I’ll just adjust to keep the peace." This is the friend who avoids conflict and over-accommodates. It looks harmonious on the outside but often sacrifices authenticity for the sake of connection. 🟡 Level 4: Service Energy "How can I support you through your change?" Here, friendships are built on empathy and care. This friend holds space for your becoming, even if it’s different from their own. 🟢 Level 5: Opportunity Energy "What if this shift brings us closer or introduces new aligned people?" There’s curiosity and collaboration here. You start to see that every change in a friendship opens doors for deeper alignment or necessary redirection. 🔵 Level 6: Flow Energy "I trust the right people will rise with me." At this level, friendships feel effortless, expansive and aligned with your highest values. There’s no grasping, just grace. ⚪ Level 7: Oneness Energy "There’s no separation between giving and receiving love." This is pure connection. Friendships here are soul-level, transcending ego or expectation. Rare, but powerful when experienced. So How Do You Navigate Friendship During Change? Transitions will test your relationships but they’ll also reveal your energetic patterns. Here’s how to move forward consciously: ✅ Get curious, not judgmental – Notice how you're showing up (what level of energy), and how others are too. ✅ Honor mismatches without blame – Some friendships fade. That doesn’t mean they failed. It means the alignment shifted. ✅ Invite new energy – Stay open to friends who match where you are now, not just where you’ve been. ✅ Say thank you loudly or silently – To the ones who stayed. To the ones who couldn’t. To yourself. ✅ Be the kind of energy you want to attract – Every friendship is a mirror. What are you reflecting? Final Thought: You’re Allowed to Outgrow People Outgrowing isn’t betrayal. It’s evolution. You’re allowed to choose friendships that nourish the version of you you’re becoming not just the one you have been. Celebrate this evolution. So go ahead, count your friends on fingers, toes, even add a few imaginary rounds. But more importantly, ask yourself: Are these people reflections of the life I want to live? Because that’s the circle worth nurturing. If you want to explore coaching with Praveen, get in touch with us: info@counselingperspective.com

Why are Adult Friendships so tricky

By Lilian Lee-Cutts • July 1, 2025

In the course of our adult lives, friendships can shift, drift, and sometimes rupture. In the face of busy, divergent lives and priorities, this is a very natural process, but can be one that causes us confusion, pain, and a great sense of loss. Romantic relationships tend to have a clear beginning, middle, and end and we have the tools from young adulthood to understand the expected transitions. Friendships, however, tend to be more fluid and evolve over time with no set rules of engagement. In addition, each person will have a different perspective on what the friendship means to them, and so it’s no surprise that many people can find themselves struggling with questions like: Why does it feel harder to make friends? Why do I feel disconnected from people I used to feel close to? Is it worth my making an effort in this friendship when I feel I get so little from it? If you have found yourself asking these questions, you are definitely not alone. As a psychotherapist, I frequently encounter the deep pain that can come with friendship challenges in adulthood. Despite societal norms pointing us towards focusing our efforts on romantic or familial relationships during adulthood, our friendships are equally crucial to our emotional wellbeing. They offer companionship, shared experience, and a vital sense of belonging. And yet, they’re often forgotten about in conversations about our mental health. So let’s explore how we, as adults, can navigate our friendships with greaterawareness, compassion, and intent. How to navigate friendships 1. Reflect on your needs Start by asking yourself: What does friendship mean to me now? What feels nourishing and good? Your needs are most likely very different to what they were five years ago, and it is OK to acknowledge that. 2. Practice clear communication It’s not always easy, but expressing how you feel - whether it’s hurt at being left out or asking for more time together – will improve the quality of your friendships. Choose a moment when you both feel relaxed enough to be receptive. 3. Embrace flexibility As life happens around us, some friends can go quiet for months. Babies, burnout - it’s all very real. Whilst this can be confusing or hurtful, a bit of grace and compassion goes a long way and gives the friendship opportunity to evolve to a place of greater understanding and depth. 4. Make the time Adult friendship isn’t sustained by chance. It’s easy to get wrapped up in life’s demands while time continues passing by. It becomes a necessity to be intentional about making time for your friends. Some ways to do this are by scheduling regular check-ins as you would in work. Dedicate some time out of your busy schedule to call or message a friend as often as you can. 5. Recognise your patterns Whether you realise it or not, the way you respond to friendships has a lot to do with your attachment style. For example, a person with a secure attachment style is capable of forming nurturing friendships and working through any conflicts that may arise. However, those with more insecure attachment styles may find it harder to let go of friendships that are no longer working and will tend to take any perceived hurt personally. Final note We also need to recognise that not all friendships are formed - or maintained - on equal footing. If you’re LGBTQ+, neurodivergent, disabled, or from a minoritised background, your social landscape may look very different. You may have spent years finding your people, or building a chosen family to replace what blood ties could not offer. Those friendships carry a different kind of emotional weight and often, a depth that comes from shared survival. Similarly, if you struggle with anxiety, depression, or trauma, then the energy that goes in to maintaining friendships can feel daunting. You might feel the need to disappear for a while, or struggle to reply to messages. That doesn’t make you a bad friend, it makes you human and in need of a self compassion practice. If you are finding adult friendships difficult, and want to speak to Lili: info@counselingperspective.com

Breathing Into the Essence of Who You Are: A Journey of Identity through Yin Breathwork

By Aki Tsukui • June 2, 2025

What does it mean to truly know who you are? During Pride Month, we celebrate the beauty of diverse identities and the courage it takes to live authentically. But beyond the labels and roles, there is a deeper essence waiting to be seen—a core self that exists beneath the surface. At Elemental Wellness, we believe that reconnecting with this essence is both a sacred and scientific journey. And breath is the bridge. The Breath: A Portal to the Subconscious Yin Breathwork, rooted in Leonard Orr’s Rebirthing Breathwork, offers a gentle yet profound way to access inner truth: not through thinking, but through feeling and presence. This form of conscious, connected breathing helps shift our awareness from the everyday, thinking mind (conscious) to the deeper, quieter terrain of the subconscious. Why does this matter? Because the subconscious holds the stories, emotional imprints, and beliefs we’ve absorbed, often unconsciously, from culture, family, and lived experience. These inner patterns shape how we see ourselves and how freely we live out our identities. Through slow, circular breath, Yin Breathwork helps bypass habitual thought loops and opens the door to neuroplasticity: the brain’s natural ability to rewire. When we breathe with intention and softness, we create a relaxed yet alert state, similar to light meditation or REM sleep, where old emotional imprints can surface and be gently released. Science Meets Soul: The Nervous System and Breath From a physiological perspective, breath is one of the few automatic functions we can consciously control. When we slow and deepen our breathing, we signal safety to the brain through the vagus nerve, activating the parasympathetic nervous system, our body’s natural state of rest and repair. This matters deeply for identity work. If we've lived in fight-or-flight, bracing against judgment, discrimination, or internalized shame, our nervous system may associate authenticity with risk. But breath offers another way. It teaches the body that it is safe to soften, to open, to be seen. Over time, regular Yin Breathwork can help regulate the nervous system, reduce anxiety, and increase emotional resilience. It becomes a quiet revolution within: an unlearning of fear and a return to inner freedom. Identity: A Living, Breathing Process We often think of identity as something to define or declare. But what if identity is not fixed, but fluid? What if it’s something we remember , layer by layer, breath by breath? In a Yin Breathwork session, there is no need to force answers. We simply lie back and breathe, allowing what wants to emerge to rise. The experience can feel meditative, emotional, or quietly powerful. As tension releases from the body, insight often follows about who we are beneath the roles, the expectations, the old stories. Rather than striving for authenticity, we relax into it . This isn’t a quick fix. It’s a return to the self—a remembering of what has always been there. And in that remembering, healing happens Pride as a Return to Wholeness Whether you're navigating your gender, sexuality, cultural heritage, or your evolving sense of self, Yin Breathwork offers a sanctuary—a space to return to your body and your truth. There’s no performance. No pressure. Just breath. Just presence. Just you. This Pride, instead of stepping out, we invite you to step in. To soften. To listen. To discover who you are beneath the noise gently, fully, and unapologetically. Yin Breathwork isn’t about changing yourself; it’s about remembering who you’ve always been. Join us for a Yin Breathwork session and reconnect with who you truly are. For booking: info@counselingperspective.com