How Are You, Really?

Chei Liang Sin

How Are You, Really?

 

October marks a natural turning point in the year. The year has substantially passed and is coming to an end, and there’s a quiet invitation to slow down, take stock and turn inward. It’s a time of transition—a time that reflects what many of us feel but rarely give ourselves the time and space to acknowledge or process. This makes October a fitting month for World Mental Health Day, observed each year on October 10th. While it’s an important time for raising awareness globally, it’s also a deeply personal reminder: our mental health matters, and we need to take ownership to prioritize the same as intentionally as we do our physical health.

 

With the pre-occupation of day-to-day life, where productivity and performance often take centre stage, we can easily lose sight of how we’re really feeling and what we really need. 

 

This October, I invite you to slow down.
Take a deep breath.
And ask yourself: How am I, really?

 

Mental Health Is Everyday Health

Mental health is not a luxury. Neither is it something reserved for people in crisis or with mental illness. It’s something we all own, and something we all need to look after and maintain—just like our physical wellbeing.

 

Some days, our mental health feels steady and clear. Other days, it may feel shaky, foggy, or heavy. That fluctuation is normal. But if you’ve noticed that the tough days are starting to outweigh the better ones—or if you’ve been feeling disconnected, anxious, exhausted, or simply “not yourself” for a while—it may be time to check in more deeply.

The truth is, many people struggle silently or ignore the warning signs. According to the World Health Organization, an estimated 1 in 4 people worldwide will experience a mental health issue at some point in their lives. And yet, stigma, shame, busyness and misconceptions still prevent many from seeking support.

 

Common Myths About Mental Health

Let’s take a moment to challenge a few common myths that often keep people from getting help:

• “I should be able to handle this on my own.” 
While resilience is admirable, no one is meant to carry their emotional struggle alone. Seeking help or support is not an act of coward, or a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is an act of taking ownership and responsibility for our own mental health, and an act of courage to face the issue. Just as you’d seek help for a broken bone, it’s okay to seek support for emotional pain or mental unwellness too.

• “My problems aren’t serious enough, other people in similar situation are going through the same thing.” 
Therapy or mental check-in isn’t just for people in crisis. Many clients seek support for stress, burnout, relationships, transitions, or just to better understand themselves. If it’s impacting you in any way, it’s valid. Especially so if it has been affecting your general wellbeing for some time. Only you know how you feel, and how you are being impacted. There is no one universal baseline for everyone, each of us is unique.

• “If I talk about it, I will feel worse.” 
The opposite is often true. Recognising and naming what you’re feeling and being heard by a trusted person, or a professional in a safe space can bring incredible cathartic relief. The added advantage of seeking therapy with professional therapists is that you will not feel judged, instead you feel safe and heard, and will also achieve clarity as to your feelings and thinking. This clarity will go a long way to help you navigate through your struggles.

 

Simple Ways to Support Your Mental Health This Month

Whether you’re in a difficult season or simply wanting to stay emotionally grounded, here are some gentle practices you could try to support your mental wellbeing:

 

1. Create Intentional Pauses

Take 2–5 minutes each day to check in with yourself. How’s your body feeling? What emotions are present? Just noticing and acknowledging, without judgment, is powerful. It means that you are paying attention to yourself, and recognising how you feel bodily and emotionally.

 

2. Move Your Body, Gently

You don’t need an intense workout. Even a walk outside or light stretching can release tension and help bring your focus back to yourself. Bonus if you could get some fresh air and sunlight in the process too, which are vital to boost your mood.

 

3. Limit Mental Overload

If you are suffering from mental overload, your nervous system needs breaks to recalibrate. You may have too many things you want done or expected to get done, try to organize and only focus on what really needs to be done currently, so that you can declutter and lighten the mental overload. Learning how to prioritise in our fast-paced life is important. Also try reducing overstimulation from excessive screen time, social media, news, or constant multitasking.

 

4. Reach Out and Connect

Call a friend. Reach out to someone for a catch-up. Let someone know how you’re doing. Be interested in what’s going with someone’s life. You might be surprised how much it helps to connect with and talk to someone.

 

5. Get Support from a Professional

There’s no shame in talking to a therapist. In fact, therapy can be one of the most empowering choices you make. It’s a safe and confidential space to explore your thoughts, process difficult emotions, and learn useful tools to navigate life more effectively.

 

Therapy Is Not a Last Resort—It’s a Powerful Resource

As a psychotherapist, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside people through their most challenging seasons. And I’ve seen time and time again how people uncover or re-discover their inner resilience when they feel safe, heard, understood, and supported.

Therapy offers more than just a place to vent. It’s a space where healing can happen. Where self-awareness can deepen. Where you can reconnect with your own wisdom and inner resources.

 

Self-care Isn’t Selfish—It’s Essential

In our culture, especially in caregiving roles or high-pressure environments, it’s easy to internalize the message that taking care of yourself is weak or selfish. But burnout, emotional numbness, and chronic stress don’t just affect you—they impact your relationships, your health, and your ability to show up fully for your loved ones.

When you care for your mental health, everyone around you benefits. You become more grounded, more present, and more available—to yourself and others.

So let’s rewrite the narrative: Checking in with oneself isn’t being self-indulgent. It’s being responsible.

 

Final Thoughts

If you’ve been navigating life’s demands on your own and wondering whether you could benefit from talking to someone—this is your invitation.

Whether you’re processing a recent loss, dealing with anxiety, exploring your identity, or simply feeling stuck, therapy can be a life-changing space for self-discovery, healing and growth.

 

World Mental Health Day is a powerful reminder, but mental health care isn’t a one-day event. It’s an ongoing practice of listening inward, paying attention to your body and emotions, and knowing that you can exercise your own agency in seeking support.

 

If you’re looking for a place to begin, we are here. As therapists, we offer a safe, non-judgmental space where you can explore what’s been weighing on your heart and mind. You don’t have to carry it all alone. If you would like to speak to me, or one of our therapists, feel free to contact us at [email protected]. 

 

Pause. Check In. Reflect. Heal. Your wellbeing matters. And you are not alone.

The Quiet Struggle Many Women Carry: When Friendship Doesn’t Feel Like Home

By Aki Tsukui Director of Wellness - Leadership & Systemic Coach, Transformational Facilitator • April 30, 2026
In my recent work, I’ve begun to notice a pattern. Many women across different stages of life are quietly struggling. Not with something obvious, but with something much harder to name. Friendship. On the surface, life looks full. There are social circles, dinners, invitations, people to message on a Friday night. There is connection. And yet, beneath that, there is a quiet, persistent feeling: Something doesn’t feel quite right. The Reality Beneath Connection So many friendships begin through circumstance. We meet people through work, shared environments, mutual communities, or simply being in the same phase of life. And naturally, connection forms. These relationships can be warm, supportive, and genuinely meaningful. They often arrive at a time when we need them most: when life is shifting, when we are finding our footing, when we don’t want to feel alone. But there is something many women don’t say out loud: Some friendships are built on situation, not alignment. And over time, that difference begins to surface, not as conflict, but as a quiet undercurrent. The Discomfort That’s Hard to Explain What I hear from female clients is rarely dramatic. It’s the sense of not being fully themselves. Of subtly managing energy instead of simply being. Of leaving an interaction feeling slightly drained, without knowing why. Nothing is obviously wrong. No one has done anything hurtful. In fact, these friendships often include kind, thoughtful people who have shared important moments with us. Which is exactly why it’s so confusing. Because when nothing is broken, it becomes harder to trust the feeling that something isn’t quite right. When Gratitude Silences Truth Many women carry a deep sense of appreciation for the people in their lives. These friendships may have supported them through transitions, offered belonging, or simply been there when it mattered. So, when discomfort arises, it is often softened: I should be grateful. Maybe I’m overthinking this. But gratitude and misalignment can exist at the same time. You can value what a friendship has given you and still feel that it no longer reflects who you are becoming. The Quiet Cost Because there is no clear reason to question the relationship, the adjustment often happens internally. It looks like small things: holding back certain thoughts, avoiding deeper conversations, feeling slightly “on” instead of at ease. Even a quiet sense of relief when plans fall through. Individually, these moments seem insignificant. But over time, they create distance, not from others, but from yourself. Why We Stay Friendships are rarely just about one person. They are intertwined with shared circles, familiar routines, and a sense of belonging that extends beyond a single connection. Which is why stepping back can feel so much bigger than it seems. There is also the quiet weight of beginning again. Building new connections asks for openness. Letting go, even with care, asks for truth. And so, many women stay, not because it feels right, but because it feels easier than facing what change might require. The Quiet Turning Point And yet, something begins to shift. Not suddenly, but gradually. A quiet awareness surfaces: I don’t think I can keep showing up like this. This isn’t about blame or judgment. It’s about noticing yourself more honestly. Where you feel open, and where you feel restricted. Where connection flows, and where it feels effortful. Redefining Connection The shift doesn’t need to be dramatic. It often begins in small, almost invisible ways. Speaking a little more honestly. Setting a gentle boundary. Choosing where you place your time and energy with greater intention. And slowly, things begin to change. Some friendships deepen because they can meet you there. Some soften into something lighter. Some quietly fall away. A Different Kind of Belonging What many women are truly longing for is not more connection, but more alignment within connection. Not just people to spend time with, but spaces where they can exhale. Where nothing needs to be filtered. Where they can be fully themselves without effort, without adjustment. If this resonates, you are not alone. This is not about being ungrateful or difficult. It is about becoming more attuned to yourself, your energy, and your truth. And often, that awareness begins quietly in the middle of a conversation, after a dinner or even in a feeling you can’t quite explain. The question is not, Are these the right friends? But: Where do I feel most like myself and am I allowing myself to move closer to that? Because true belonging isn’t created by proximity. It’s created in the moments where you no longer feel the need to edit who you are and realise you don’t have to leave parts of yourself behind to be accepted. And if something in you is beginning to notice this quietly, gently, it may be worth giving it space. Not to rush into change, but to listen more closely to yourself and to what more aligned, honest connection might begin to look like in your life.

Friendship sits at the core of a meaningful life - it’s not just a “nice to have,” it’s essential

By Nick Jonsson – Supervised Counselor and Executive Coach • April 30, 2026
Friendship sits at the core of a meaningful life - it’s not just a “nice to have,” it’s essential  Over the years, I’ve done a lot of work on myself, and that has naturally changed how I show up in my friendships. In the past, I might have been more focused on what I could get from relationships. Today, it’s very different. Now, it’s about being of service. It’s about being present, listening deeply, and showing up consistently for the people who matter. For me, being a good friend means being there not only in the good times, but especially when someone is struggling. It means putting the phone away, giving full attention, and truly hearing what’s being said - and sometimes what’s not being said. This is something I also bring into my coaching and therapy work. I often ask clients to reflect on their friendships - how healthy they are, where they feel supported, and where things may be broken. Because the truth is, we cannot go through life carrying unresolved friendships. If something is broken, we need to take responsibility, make amends, and do the work to make it right. There’s powerful research from Dr. Robert Waldinger that shows how critical relationships are to our wellbeing. In fact, a lack of meaningful connection has been compared to smoking 14 cigarettes a day. That’s how serious this is. So friendship is not just about connection - it’s about health, longevity, and the quality of our lives. Today, I focus on a small circle of real, authentic relationships. People I can be honest with. People who hold me accountable. People I can support, and who support me in return. At the end of the day, it’s simple - be the friend you wish you had. Show up. Listen. Care. And when something is broken, have the courage to fix it.

The Beauty and Complexity of Family: Healing the Flow of Love

By Aki Tsukui (Leadership & Systemic Coach) • April 2, 2026
Family is often where love begins. It is our first experience of connection, belonging, and identity. Within the family system, we learn how to give and receive love, how to relate to others, and how to see ourselves in the world. At its best, family can be a place of deep nourishment: a source of strength, safety, and unconditional support. And yet, for many of us, family can also feel complicated. There may be moments of tension that seem disproportionate, patterns that repeat across generations, or emotional burdens that are difficult to explain. We may find ourselves reacting in ways we don’t fully understand, feeling responsible for others in ways that feel heavy, or struggling to step into our own lives freely. This is because family is not just about the people we see. It is also about the invisible threads that connect us across generations. The Hidden Dynamics of Family  Every family system carries a history. Alongside love, there may also be unresolved grief, unspoken pain, losses that were never fully processed, and experiences that were too overwhelming to be integrated at the time. These experiences do not simply disappear. Instead, they often live on within the system, quietly shaping the dynamics of future generations. This can show up as what we call entanglements—where one family member, often unconsciously, carries emotions, roles, or burdens that do not fully belong to them. For example, a child may feel an unexplained sadness that mirrors a grandparent’s unresolved grief. Someone may take on the role of “holding the family together,” even at the expense of their own well-being. Others may struggle with relationships, self-worth, or a sense of belonging, without understanding the deeper roots of these experiences. These patterns are not signs that something is “wrong” with us. Rather, they reflect a deep loyalty to our family system. At an unconscious level, there is often a desire to remain connected, to belong, to honor those who came before us, and to ensure that no one in the system is forgotten. The Flow of Love In family constellation work, there is a concept known as the flow of love. Love, in its natural state, flows from those who came before to those who come after: from parents to children, and from ancestors to descendants. When this flow is unobstructed, it supports a sense of grounding, vitality, and ease. We feel supported by what came before us, while being free to move forward into our own lives. However, when there are disruptions, such as trauma, exclusion, or unresolved events, the flow of love can become blocked or distorted. For example: When a child feels the need to care for a parent emotionally, the natural order is reversed. When a family member is excluded or not acknowledged, others in the system may unconsciously “represent” them. When trauma is not processed, its emotional imprint may be carried by future generations. These disruptions are not caused by a lack of love. In fact, they are often expressions of love: just in forms that have become entangled. Understanding Intergenerational Trauma What we often refer to as “intergenerational trauma” is the transmission of emotional experiences, survival patterns, and coping mechanisms across generations. This can include: Loss and grief that were never fully expressed War, displacement, or migration experiences Family secrets or hidden histories Patterns of abandonment, rejection, or emotional absence Survival strategies that once served a purpose but are no longer needed These experiences can shape how individuals relate to themselves and others, often outside of conscious awareness. It is important to approach this with compassion. Our ancestors did the best they could with the resources they had. Many carried burdens that were too great to process at the time. What we experience today is often a continuation of those unfinished stories, not as a burden to blame, but as an invitation to bring awareness and healing. Family Constellation: Bringing the Invisible to Light Family constellation work offers a powerful way to explore these hidden dynamics. Through this approach, individuals are able to “map” their family system and observe the relationships, patterns, and entanglements that may be present. What is often revealed is not just personal, but systemic showing how individual experiences are connected to a larger family context. Another important principle in this work is that everyone belongs. This includes not only those we know and remember, but also those who may have been forgotten, excluded, or never spoken about—such as miscarried or aborted children, former partners, or family members who experienced difficult fates. Even if their stories were hidden or unknown, they remain part of the family system. When someone is excluded, the system often seeks balance by unconsciously including them through another member. Gently acknowledging and giving each person their rightful place allows the system to settle, restoring a deeper sense of harmony and connection. One of the most profound aspects of this work is that it allows what has been unseen to be acknowledged. When forgotten or excluded members are recognized, when grief is given space, and when each person is seen in their rightful place within the system, something begins to shift. The system moves toward balance. The flow of love is restored, not by changing the past, but by relating to it differently. Returning What Is Not Ours A key part of healing within the family system is learning to gently release what does not belong to us. This does not mean rejecting our family or disconnecting from our roots. Rather, it is about honoring our connection while allowing each person to carry their own experiences. This can look like: Recognizing when we are holding emotions that may not fully be ours Releasing the need to fix or carry others Acknowledging our parents and ancestors as they are, without needing them to be different Taking our place as the next generation, receiving life and moving forward There is a quiet strength in this process. It allows us to remain connected, while also reclaiming our own path. The Possibility of Healing Healing within the family system does not require perfection. It begins with awareness. As we become more conscious of the patterns we carry, we create space for choice. We are no longer moving purely from inherited dynamics: we are able to respond with intention, presence, and clarity. This is where transformation happens. When we restore the natural flow of love, we not only support our own well-being. We also create a shift for future generations. The patterns that once repeated can begin to soften. The burdens that were once carried can be laid down. In this way, healing is both personal and collective. Honoring Where We Come From Family is not always simple. It can be a place of great beauty and deep challenge. It can hold both love and pain, connection and complexity. To truly engage with family is to embrace both aspects: to honor the love that exists, while also acknowledging the parts that are difficult. When we do this with openness and compassion, we create the possibility for something new. We begin to relate to our family not just from habit or conditioning, but from awareness. And from this place, love can flow more freely supporting us as we step into our own lives, while staying rooted in where we come from. There is a quiet wisdom within every family system, always moving toward balance and wholeness. When we are willing to turn toward what has been unseen with openness and respect, healing begins to unfold in its own time and way. As the flow of love is restored, we find ourselves both deeply rooted and gently freed: able to walk forward in life supported by those who came before us, rather than bound by what was left unresolved. For those who feel called to explore this work more deeply, we offer Family Constellation sessions in a variety of formats, including in-person and online, as well as individual and group settings, creating safe and supportive spaces for this gentle yet powerful process of healing and reconnection.