Crafting Your Path as a Person-Centred Lawyer

Chei Liang Sin, MC, LLB

A dirt road in the middle of a forest with trees covered in leaves.

Finding the right path forward

Congratulations! You have come a long way, from being qualified for law schools, to securing training contracts in the midst of Covid-19 pandemic, and finally to being admitted to the Bar! This is indeed a memorable moment to celebrate, and be proud of your achievements thus far, but also the time to take stock and reflect on your path forward.

For those of you who have a clear idea of the practice area in which you want to start your legal career, and have been offered a job – you are among the more fortunate ones. Many others, as I understand, are still pondering about which practice area or which firm to join. As a Panelled Counsellor under the Law care program and Career Path scheme of the Law Society, I have often been approached by young lawyers who wonder whether they are suited for what they are doing, or even whether law practice is for them.

By now, you would probably have a taste of the two main practice areas – Disputes and Corporate, and you might have been given a glimpse of some of the more focused practice areas. Hopefully, through your training and speaking to practitioners in the relevant practice areas, you would have an idea how it is like to be a disputes lawyer vs a corporate lawyer, and you have formed an opinion which practice area you are more inclined towards. In deciding which practice area is most suited for you, I encourage you to reflect and evaluate your values, interests, strengths and weaknesses.

Values

Do ask yourself what is most important to you in your legal career? Why did you choose to be a lawyer in the first place? Do you see yourself as the sort of justice lawyer who would Fight for the underdog and make a difference to the society? Do you have a passion to serve the community and be involved in family law matters? Or are you attracted to the corporate world where deals are made and solutions are created? I would urge you to follow your passion as well as your mission in choosing your practice, because if you are doing something fulfilling and meaningful to you, you will have more capacity to put in the hard work.

Interests

Some of you love advocacy and could see yourself arguing in court. Some might be interested to see how a deal is structured, and what goes into a contract between two opposing parties. Many are attuned to technology and have a flair for the applications of intellectual properties. There are also lawyers who prefer the more routine type of work with manageable pace. Whatever your interests and temperament, there would be some practice areas within the diverse legal profession that might suit you.

Strengths and weaknesses

As lawyers, we are usually better in some traits but not everything. Some have great advocacy skills, and the knack for strategising to win in court. Some others are good solution creators, and have the capability to draft ideas into contracts. Many have good interpersonal skills, and are skilled in people management and project management. Learning to play to your strengths and recognise your weaknesses, is part of the process in finding the right path for yourselves.

Never too late

You may not land yourself at the most suited firm or practice area at the first instance, and you may only discover that after a few years of trying out different firms or practice areas. However, do take heart that everything that you do in your early years of practice will only make you better in your next job. So, it would not be a waste of your time and effort if you need to take a few years to find your path, and it is never too late to change course. Even if you come to realise that the law profession is not for you after several years, you would have mastered some useful skill sets and made some good friends along the way, and your experiences would only enrich you.

Being a person-centred lawyer

I had learned in my master’s course in counselling (after my career as a corporate lawyer in private practice for over 25 years), that the three core conditions highlighted by Carl Rogers (1977) for being a person-centred therapist or counsellor are -- non-judgemental, congruence and empathy. As I look back, I realise that I had, albeit not consciously, actually applied the same three conditions, during my time as a lawyer. I would partly attribute to my practising of these conditions for being successful in sustaining myself all those years a a transactional corporate lawyer in a highly stressful environment.

Non-judgemental

As a lawyer, we owe our duty to our clients (subject to the overriding duty owed to the court and upholding the law). Clients come in all forms and shapes; some are more demanding or idiosyncratic than others. It is not your place to judge your clients, regardless of your personal opinion or moral/ethics standards. It is your duty to act in the best interest of you clients, and advance their goals and objectives as instructed.

The same principle of having positive regard would apply to treating the people whom you work with, subject to reasonable standards of respect, non-discrimination and boundaries.

It would greatly facilitate your work, if you focus on the objective of the case/transaction and the task at hand, and not let your personal judgement of the clients or colleagues affect your emotions and stand in the way. Avoid personalising or labelling of others or yourself, and try to be rational, open-minded and receptive to others, including your subordinates.

Congruence

It is of utmost importance that we stay true to ourselves at all times, and act in a manner that is congruent with our feelings. If you are having difficulty with certain issues, take control of the issues and face them up-front. If you do not find your work fulfilling, reflect on what you are doing and whether it accords with your values and passion. If you are experiencing burnout, evaluate your actions and working environment, and take steps for self-care or have a change of environment. If your health is suffering or your personal life is falling apart because of your work, take stock of your current priorities in life.

It also pays to be sincere and honest with your clients and the people that your work with. If you think you are not able to meet certain deadlines, it is better to be truthful about it and manage the client’s or your supervisor’s expectations. If you have made any mistake, take ownership and apologise for it. If you disagree with your client’s or your co-worker’s approach, share your views in a respectful way.

You will earn the respect of your clients and colleagues by being congruent and mature, and managing any issues in a professional manner.

Empathy

For a lawyer to be effective, besides being technically sound, he/she needs to be good at reading people, reading the room/court, and understanding the issues or situations. It is therefore important to have empathy, the ability to put yourself in the shoes of others, and try to understand the situation from the perspective of your client, the counter-party, the opposing counsel, and other stakeholders. By understanding the client and other opposing side, you will be in a better position to provide a good solution to satisfy the parties concerned.

Similarly, having empathy for the people that you work with will reduce a lot of workplace conflicts. Looking from the other person’s perspective and not jumping to conclusion are important traits for enhancing healthy working relationships. From what I can see, empathy appears to be a rare commodity within the legal profession. This could be due to the high level of pressure from top down, causing everybody to be single-mindedly concerned about meeting his/her own performance targets or deadlines. Practising empathy will enhance your emotional intelligence which is an asset that is just as important, if not more, as your technical skills in sustaining your law practice.

However, above all, you must always have self-compassion, and not be too critical about yourself or your mistakes. Having a high but realistic standard for your work is fine, but trying to be perfect is unhealthy as there is no such thing as being “perfect”. You should not be afraid to make mistakes, as you learn by making mistakes, just like any other senior lawyers in the profession.

Parting words

As a newly admitted lawyer, do take your time to explore and find the right path for yourself, and a firm that offers the right fit for you. Try practising the key conditions of being a person-centred lawyer -- by being non-critical, congruent and empathic, to self and others. If there are more person-centred lawyers in the legal industry, it would be more sustainable for young lawyers to remain in the profession for the long haul.

Once again, congratulations, and best wishes to you in crafting your path forward.

Chei Liang Sin, a Law Society counselor, contributed the above article in the August 2021 issue of the Law Gazette, to share her thoughts and advice with the newly-called lawyers who have just been admitted to the Singapore Bar. Chei Liang believes that the same considerations and philosophies would apply to any other professions or careers. If you would like to seek career counseling or coaching, feel free to contact Chei Liang at [email protected].

About the Author: Originally from Malaysia, Chei Liang Sin has lived in Singapore for the past 30 years. She speaks English, Mandarin and Cantonese. A former corporate lawyer, Chei Liang made the career change to be a counsellor because she wanted to touch people's lives in a more meaningful way. She works with clients on various mental health issues and also provides career counselling. Read Full Bio >

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The Quiet Struggle Many Women Carry: When Friendship Doesn’t Feel Like Home

By Aki Tsukui Director of Wellness - Leadership & Systemic Coach, Transformational Facilitator • April 30, 2026

In my recent work, I’ve begun to notice a pattern. Many women across different stages of life are quietly struggling. Not with something obvious, but with something much harder to name. Friendship. On the surface, life looks full. There are social circles, dinners, invitations, people to message on a Friday night. There is connection. And yet, beneath that, there is a quiet, persistent feeling: Something doesn’t feel quite right. The Reality Beneath Connection So many friendships begin through circumstance. We meet people through work, shared environments, mutual communities, or simply being in the same phase of life. And naturally, connection forms. These relationships can be warm, supportive, and genuinely meaningful. They often arrive at a time when we need them most: when life is shifting, when we are finding our footing, when we don’t want to feel alone. But there is something many women don’t say out loud: Some friendships are built on situation, not alignment. And over time, that difference begins to surface, not as conflict, but as a quiet undercurrent. The Discomfort That’s Hard to Explain What I hear from female clients is rarely dramatic. It’s the sense of not being fully themselves. Of subtly managing energy instead of simply being. Of leaving an interaction feeling slightly drained, without knowing why. Nothing is obviously wrong. No one has done anything hurtful. In fact, these friendships often include kind, thoughtful people who have shared important moments with us. Which is exactly why it’s so confusing. Because when nothing is broken, it becomes harder to trust the feeling that something isn’t quite right. When Gratitude Silences Truth Many women carry a deep sense of appreciation for the people in their lives. These friendships may have supported them through transitions, offered belonging, or simply been there when it mattered. So, when discomfort arises, it is often softened: I should be grateful. Maybe I’m overthinking this. But gratitude and misalignment can exist at the same time. You can value what a friendship has given you and still feel that it no longer reflects who you are becoming. The Quiet Cost Because there is no clear reason to question the relationship, the adjustment often happens internally. It looks like small things: holding back certain thoughts, avoiding deeper conversations, feeling slightly “on” instead of at ease. Even a quiet sense of relief when plans fall through. Individually, these moments seem insignificant. But over time, they create distance, not from others, but from yourself. Why We Stay Friendships are rarely just about one person. They are intertwined with shared circles, familiar routines, and a sense of belonging that extends beyond a single connection. Which is why stepping back can feel so much bigger than it seems. There is also the quiet weight of beginning again. Building new connections asks for openness. Letting go, even with care, asks for truth. And so, many women stay, not because it feels right, but because it feels easier than facing what change might require. The Quiet Turning Point And yet, something begins to shift. Not suddenly, but gradually. A quiet awareness surfaces: I don’t think I can keep showing up like this. This isn’t about blame or judgment. It’s about noticing yourself more honestly. Where you feel open, and where you feel restricted. Where connection flows, and where it feels effortful. Redefining Connection The shift doesn’t need to be dramatic. It often begins in small, almost invisible ways. Speaking a little more honestly. Setting a gentle boundary. Choosing where you place your time and energy with greater intention. And slowly, things begin to change. Some friendships deepen because they can meet you there. Some soften into something lighter. Some quietly fall away. A Different Kind of Belonging What many women are truly longing for is not more connection, but more alignment within connection. Not just people to spend time with, but spaces where they can exhale. Where nothing needs to be filtered. Where they can be fully themselves without effort, without adjustment. If this resonates, you are not alone. This is not about being ungrateful or difficult. It is about becoming more attuned to yourself, your energy, and your truth. And often, that awareness begins quietly in the middle of a conversation, after a dinner or even in a feeling you can’t quite explain. The question is not, Are these the right friends? But: Where do I feel most like myself and am I allowing myself to move closer to that? Because true belonging isn’t created by proximity. It’s created in the moments where you no longer feel the need to edit who you are and realise you don’t have to leave parts of yourself behind to be accepted. And if something in you is beginning to notice this quietly, gently, it may be worth giving it space. Not to rush into change, but to listen more closely to yourself and to what more aligned, honest connection might begin to look like in your life.

Friendship sits at the core of a meaningful life - it’s not just a “nice to have,” it’s essential

By Nick Jonsson – Supervised Counselor and Executive Coach • April 30, 2026

Friendship sits at the core of a meaningful life - it’s not just a “nice to have,” it’s essential Over the years, I’ve done a lot of work on myself, and that has naturally changed how I show up in my friendships. In the past, I might have been more focused on what I could get from relationships. Today, it’s very different. Now, it’s about being of service. It’s about being present, listening deeply, and showing up consistently for the people who matter. For me, being a good friend means being there not only in the good times, but especially when someone is struggling. It means putting the phone away, giving full attention, and truly hearing what’s being said - and sometimes what’s not being said. This is something I also bring into my coaching and therapy work. I often ask clients to reflect on their friendships - how healthy they are, where they feel supported, and where things may be broken. Because the truth is, we cannot go through life carrying unresolved friendships. If something is broken, we need to take responsibility, make amends, and do the work to make it right. There’s powerful research from Dr. Robert Waldinger that shows how critical relationships are to our wellbeing. In fact, a lack of meaningful connection has been compared to smoking 14 cigarettes a day. That’s how serious this is. So friendship is not just about connection - it’s about health, longevity, and the quality of our lives. Today, I focus on a small circle of real, authentic relationships. People I can be honest with. People who hold me accountable. People I can support, and who support me in return. At the end of the day, it’s simple - be the friend you wish you had. Show up. Listen. Care. And when something is broken, have the courage to fix it.

The Beauty and Complexity of Family: Healing the Flow of Love

By Aki Tsukui (Leadership & Systemic Coach) • April 2, 2026

Family is often where love begins. It is our first experience of connection, belonging, and identity. Within the family system, we learn how to give and receive love, how to relate to others, and how to see ourselves in the world. At its best, family can be a place of deep nourishment: a source of strength, safety, and unconditional support. And yet, for many of us, family can also feel complicated. There may be moments of tension that seem disproportionate, patterns that repeat across generations, or emotional burdens that are difficult to explain. We may find ourselves reacting in ways we don’t fully understand, feeling responsible for others in ways that feel heavy, or struggling to step into our own lives freely. This is because family is not just about the people we see. It is also about the invisible threads that connect us across generations. The Hidden Dynamics of Family Every family system carries a history. Alongside love, there may also be unresolved grief, unspoken pain, losses that were never fully processed, and experiences that were too overwhelming to be integrated at the time. These experiences do not simply disappear. Instead, they often live on within the system, quietly shaping the dynamics of future generations. This can show up as what we call entanglements—where one family member, often unconsciously, carries emotions, roles, or burdens that do not fully belong to them. For example, a child may feel an unexplained sadness that mirrors a grandparent’s unresolved grief. Someone may take on the role of “holding the family together,” even at the expense of their own well-being. Others may struggle with relationships, self-worth, or a sense of belonging, without understanding the deeper roots of these experiences. These patterns are not signs that something is “wrong” with us. Rather, they reflect a deep loyalty to our family system. At an unconscious level, there is often a desire to remain connected, to belong, to honor those who came before us, and to ensure that no one in the system is forgotten. The Flow of Love In family constellation work, there is a concept known as the flow of love. Love, in its natural state, flows from those who came before to those who come after: from parents to children, and from ancestors to descendants. When this flow is unobstructed, it supports a sense of grounding, vitality, and ease. We feel supported by what came before us, while being free to move forward into our own lives. However, when there are disruptions, such as trauma, exclusion, or unresolved events, the flow of love can become blocked or distorted. For example: When a child feels the need to care for a parent emotionally, the natural order is reversed. When a family member is excluded or not acknowledged, others in the system may unconsciously “represent” them. When trauma is not processed, its emotional imprint may be carried by future generations. These disruptions are not caused by a lack of love. In fact, they are often expressions of love: just in forms that have become entangled. Understanding Intergenerational Trauma What we often refer to as “intergenerational trauma” is the transmission of emotional experiences, survival patterns, and coping mechanisms across generations. This can include: Loss and grief that were never fully expressed War, displacement, or migration experiences Family secrets or hidden histories Patterns of abandonment, rejection, or emotional absence Survival strategies that once served a purpose but are no longer needed These experiences can shape how individuals relate to themselves and others, often outside of conscious awareness. It is important to approach this with compassion. Our ancestors did the best they could with the resources they had. Many carried burdens that were too great to process at the time. What we experience today is often a continuation of those unfinished stories, not as a burden to blame, but as an invitation to bring awareness and healing. Family Constellation: Bringing the Invisible to Light Family constellation work offers a powerful way to explore these hidden dynamics. Through this approach, individuals are able to “map” their family system and observe the relationships, patterns, and entanglements that may be present. What is often revealed is not just personal, but systemic showing how individual experiences are connected to a larger family context. Another important principle in this work is that everyone belongs. This includes not only those we know and remember, but also those who may have been forgotten, excluded, or never spoken about—such as miscarried or aborted children, former partners, or family members who experienced difficult fates. Even if their stories were hidden or unknown, they remain part of the family system. When someone is excluded, the system often seeks balance by unconsciously including them through another member. Gently acknowledging and giving each person their rightful place allows the system to settle, restoring a deeper sense of harmony and connection. One of the most profound aspects of this work is that it allows what has been unseen to be acknowledged. When forgotten or excluded members are recognized, when grief is given space, and when each person is seen in their rightful place within the system, something begins to shift. The system moves toward balance. The flow of love is restored, not by changing the past, but by relating to it differently. Returning What Is Not Ours A key part of healing within the family system is learning to gently release what does not belong to us. This does not mean rejecting our family or disconnecting from our roots. Rather, it is about honoring our connection while allowing each person to carry their own experiences. This can look like: Recognizing when we are holding emotions that may not fully be ours Releasing the need to fix or carry others Acknowledging our parents and ancestors as they are, without needing them to be different Taking our place as the next generation, receiving life and moving forward There is a quiet strength in this process. It allows us to remain connected, while also reclaiming our own path. The Possibility of Healing Healing within the family system does not require perfection. It begins with awareness. As we become more conscious of the patterns we carry, we create space for choice. We are no longer moving purely from inherited dynamics: we are able to respond with intention, presence, and clarity. This is where transformation happens. When we restore the natural flow of love, we not only support our own well-being. We also create a shift for future generations. The patterns that once repeated can begin to soften. The burdens that were once carried can be laid down. In this way, healing is both personal and collective. Honoring Where We Come From Family is not always simple. It can be a place of great beauty and deep challenge. It can hold both love and pain, connection and complexity. To truly engage with family is to embrace both aspects: to honor the love that exists, while also acknowledging the parts that are difficult. When we do this with openness and compassion, we create the possibility for something new. We begin to relate to our family not just from habit or conditioning, but from awareness. And from this place, love can flow more freely supporting us as we step into our own lives, while staying rooted in where we come from. There is a quiet wisdom within every family system, always moving toward balance and wholeness. When we are willing to turn toward what has been unseen with openness and respect, healing begins to unfold in its own time and way. As the flow of love is restored, we find ourselves both deeply rooted and gently freed: able to walk forward in life supported by those who came before us, rather than bound by what was left unresolved. For those who feel called to explore this work more deeply, we offer Family Constellation sessions in a variety of formats, including in-person and online, as well as individual and group settings, creating safe and supportive spaces for this gentle yet powerful process of healing and reconnection.