Crafting Your Path as a Person-Centred Lawyer

Chei Liang Sin, MC, LLB
A dirt road in the middle of a forest with trees covered in leaves.

Finding the right path forward

Congratulations! You have come a long way, from being qualified for law schools, to securing training contracts in the midst of Covid-19 pandemic, and finally to being admitted to the Bar! This is indeed a memorable moment to celebrate, and be proud of your achievements thus far, but also the time to take stock and reflect on your path forward.


For those of you who have a clear idea of the practice area in which you want to start your legal career, and have been offered a job – you are among the more fortunate ones. Many others, as I understand, are still pondering about which practice area or which firm to join. As a Panelled Counsellor under the Law care program and Career Path scheme of the Law Society, I have often been approached by young lawyers who wonder whether they are suited for what they are doing, or even whether law practice is for them.


By now, you would probably have a taste of the two main practice areas – Disputes and Corporate, and you might have been given a glimpse of some of the more focused practice areas. Hopefully, through your training and speaking to practitioners in the relevant practice areas, you would have an idea how it is like to be a disputes lawyer vs a corporate lawyer, and you have formed an opinion which practice area you are more inclined towards. In deciding which practice area is most suited for you, I encourage you to reflect and evaluate your values, interests, strengths and weaknesses.


Values


Do ask yourself what is most important to you in your legal career? Why did you choose to be a lawyer in the first place? Do you see yourself as the sort of justice lawyer who would Fight for the underdog and make a difference to the society? Do you have a passion to serve the community and be involved in family law matters? Or are you attracted to the corporate world where deals are made and solutions are created? I would urge you to follow your passion as well as your mission in choosing your practice, because if you are doing something fulfilling and meaningful to you, you will have more capacity to put in the hard work.


Interests


Some of you love advocacy and could see yourself arguing in court. Some might be interested to see how a deal is structured, and what goes into a contract between two opposing parties. Many are attuned to technology and have a flair for the applications of intellectual properties. There are also lawyers who prefer the more routine type of work with manageable pace. Whatever your interests and temperament, there would be some practice areas within the diverse legal profession that might suit you.


Strengths and weaknesses


As lawyers, we are usually better in some traits but not everything. Some have great advocacy skills, and the knack for strategising to win in court. Some others are good solution creators, and have the capability to draft ideas into contracts. Many have good interpersonal skills, and are skilled in people management and project management. Learning to play to your strengths and recognise your weaknesses, is part of the process in finding the right path for yourselves.


Never too late


You may not land yourself at the most suited firm or practice area at the first instance, and you may only discover that after a few years of trying out different firms or practice areas. However, do take heart that everything that you do in your early years of practice will only make you better in your next job. So, it would not be a waste of your time and effort if you need to take a few years to find your path, and it is never too late to change course. Even if you come to realise that the law profession is not for you after several years, you would have mastered some useful skill sets and made some good friends along the way, and your experiences would only enrich you.


Being a person-centred lawyer


I had learned in my master’s course in counselling (after my career as a corporate lawyer in private practice for over 25 years), that the three core conditions highlighted by Carl Rogers (1977) for being a person-centred therapist or counsellor are -- non-judgemental, congruence and empathy. As I look back, I realise that I had, albeit not consciously, actually applied the same three conditions, during my time as a lawyer. I would partly attribute to my practising of these conditions for being successful in sustaining myself all those years a  a transactional corporate lawyer in a highly stressful environment.


Non-judgemental


As a lawyer, we owe our duty to our clients (subject to the overriding duty owed to the court and upholding the law). Clients come in all forms and shapes; some are more demanding or idiosyncratic than others. It is not your place to judge your clients, regardless of your personal opinion or moral/ethics standards. It is your duty to act in the best interest of you clients, and advance their goals and objectives as instructed.


The same principle of having positive regard would apply to treating the people whom you work with, subject to reasonable standards of respect, non-discrimination and boundaries.


It would greatly facilitate your work, if you focus on the objective of the case/transaction and the task at hand, and not let your personal judgement of the clients or colleagues affect your emotions and stand in the way. Avoid personalising or labelling of others or yourself, and try to be rational, open-minded and receptive to others, including your subordinates.


Congruence


It is of utmost importance that we stay true to ourselves at all times, and act in a manner that is congruent with our feelings. If you are having difficulty with certain issues, take control of the issues and face them up-front. If you do not find your work fulfilling, reflect on what you are doing and whether it accords with your values and passion. If you are experiencing burnout, evaluate your actions and working environment, and take steps for self-care or have a change of environment. If your health is suffering or your personal life is falling apart because of your work, take stock of your current priorities in life.


It also pays to be sincere and honest with your clients and the people that your work with. If you think you are not able to meet certain deadlines, it is better to be truthful about it and manage the client’s or your supervisor’s expectations. If you have made any mistake, take ownership and apologise for it. If you disagree with your client’s or your co-worker’s approach, share your views in a respectful way.


You will earn the respect of your clients and colleagues by being congruent and mature, and managing any issues in a professional manner.


Empathy


For a lawyer to be effective, besides being technically sound, he/she needs to be good at reading people, reading the room/court, and understanding the issues or situations. It is therefore important to have empathy, the ability to put yourself in the shoes of others, and try to understand the situation from the perspective of your client, the counter-party, the opposing counsel, and other stakeholders. By understanding the client and other opposing side, you will be in a better position to provide a good solution to satisfy the parties concerned.


Similarly, having empathy for the people that you work with will reduce a lot of workplace conflicts. Looking from the other person’s perspective and not jumping to conclusion are important traits for enhancing healthy working relationships. From what I can see, empathy appears to be a rare commodity within the legal profession. This could be due to the high level of pressure from top down, causing everybody to be single-mindedly concerned about meeting his/her own performance targets or deadlines. Practising empathy will enhance your emotional intelligence which is an asset that is just as important, if not more, as your technical skills in sustaining your law practice.


However, above all, you must always have self-compassion, and not be too critical about yourself or your mistakes. Having a high but realistic standard for your work is fine, but trying to be perfect is unhealthy as there is no such thing as being “perfect”. You should not be afraid to make mistakes, as you learn by making mistakes, just like any other senior lawyers in the profession.


Parting words


As a newly admitted lawyer, do take your time to explore and find the right path for yourself, and a firm that offers the right fit for you. Try practising the key conditions of being a person-centred lawyer -- by being non-critical, congruent and empathic, to self and others. If there are more person-centred lawyers in the legal industry, it would be more sustainable for young lawyers to remain in the profession for the long haul.


Once again, congratulations, and best wishes to you in crafting your path forward.


Chei Liang Sin, a Law Society counselor, contributed the above article in the August 2021 issue of the Law Gazette, to share her thoughts and advice with the newly-called lawyers who have just been admitted to the Singapore Bar. Chei Liang believes that the same considerations and philosophies would apply to any other professions or careers. If you would like to seek career counseling or coaching, feel free to contact Chei Liang at [email protected].


About the Author: Originally from Malaysia, Chei Liang Sin has lived in Singapore for the past 30 years. She speaks English, Mandarin and Cantonese. A former corporate lawyer, Chei Liang made the career change to be a counsellor because she wanted to touch people's lives in a more meaningful way. She works with clients on various mental health issues and also provides career counselling. Read Full Bio >

Intimacy Beyond Sex – A Way of Being

By Aki Tsukui • February 4, 2026
When we hear the word intimacy , we often think of sex: touch, desire, romance. Yet true intimacy lives far beyond these moments. It is felt in silence, in a shared glance, and in the quiet courage it takes to be fully present with yourself, with another, and with life itself. Real intimacy does not begin by reaching outward. It begins within. In the rhythm of your breath. In the pulse of life moving through your body. In the willingness to meet yourself honestly and gently. Meeting Yourself The deepest intimacy is the relationship you cultivate with your own heart. To meet yourself is to witness your thoughts, contradictions, joys, and aches without judgment or urgency. Can you stay present with fear rather than turning away? Can you allow sadness to settle in your chest and still honor it as meaningful? Can you sense the subtle movement of breath and energy within you? In moments of stillness and awareness, we often discover how much of ourselves we have learned to hide: emotions pushed aside, sensations ignored, patterns inherited and carried unconsciously. Yet every doorway to genuine connection already exists inside you. When you reclaim your inner world, you reconnect with the source from which all intimacy flows. Being Felt Emotional intimacy is not something we explain; it is something we allow. It lives in presence in the unguarded moment, the pause that stretches, the vulnerability that remains uncovered. To be emotionally intimate is to let the quiet pulse of your inner life meet another without the need to justify or repair it. Breath becomes a bridge, gently moving awareness between your inner world and the shared space. In this soft surrender, the heart remembers that it is safe to open, to soften, to simply be. Being Known Psychological intimacy asks for the courage to see and name the patterns that shape how we move through the world: our fears, defenses, and habitual ways of relating. “I withdraw when I feel unseen.” “I hesitate to ask for support because I fear being a burden.” These patterns rarely belong only to us. They often arise from family systems, ancestral histories, and cultural conditioning, unseen forces carried across generations. When we begin to recognize these influences, compassion naturally deepens. We stop judging ourselves and instead meet our patterns with curiosity and care, honoring the lineage that lives within us. Meeting Beyond Roles Spiritual intimacy emerges when roles and narratives fall away. It is found in the space between breaths, in shared silence, and in the quiet recognition of essence meeting essence. It may appear while sitting together in stillness, in a gaze that needs no explanation, or while walking side by side through ordinary moments that suddenly feel sacred. When attention softens and awareness deepens, intimacy arises naturally. Breath, presence, and a wider systemic awareness allow us to meet one another with greater freedom, depth, and reverence. Intimacy Beyond Another You do not need another person to access this depth of closeness. Intimacy can be cultivated entirely within. In moments of stillness, you may begin to honor every layer of your being. As your breath deepens, its rhythm may echo the larger cycles of life. Subtle currents of energy become more perceptible, as does the quiet presence of ancestral threads shaping your experience. When inner intimacy is nurtured, relationships transform. Connection is no longer about filling a void, but about resonance: two beings meeting from wholeness rather than need. The Sacredness of Vulnerability To be intimate is to be seen and being seen can feel risky. Old wounds, inherited fears, and unmet needs often surface, making closeness feel uncomfortable. Yet vulnerability is the doorway. Breath and embodied awareness gently anchor you in the present, reminding you that you are alive, supported, and connected. As presence meets presence, intimacy deepens naturally. Intimacy as a Way of Being Intimacy is not something to earn or achieve. It is a state of presence, openness, and deep respect for life. It lives in meeting yourself with compassion, keeping your heart soft even in the presence of fear, holding space for another without expectation, and recognizing the sacred thread that runs through all connection. As you move through the days ahead, you might gently notice where intimacy is already presentin your breath, in moments of quiet honesty with yourself, in the spaces between words. There is nothing to strive for and nothing to fix. Intimacy is already here, waiting to be met. Warmly, Aki Tsukui

The Limits of Chemistry

By Esther Oon-Bybjerg • February 4, 2026
Chemistry is often treated as a decisive force in romantic life. When it is present, people feel justified in leaning in. When it is absent, even after a pleasant and promising date, interest tends to stall. Chemistry appears to offer clarity, but what it actually provides is something narrower: an early signal, powerful in its immediacy, yet limited in what it can reliably tell us. Most people recognise this tension intuitively. They know chemistry matters, but they also sense that it does not explain everything that makes a relationship viable or sustaining. And yet, in practice, chemistry is frequently asked to carry more authority than it deserves, shaping decisions about who to pursue, who to dismiss, and how long to remain invested. What is chemistry? In relationship research, romantic chemistry is recognised as a multifaceted, emergent experience. It can include attraction, emotional connection, interactive engagement, and a sense of mutual responsiveness. Importantly, chemistry is not viewed as a fixed trait residing in one person, but as something that arises between two people through interaction. When researchers examine how people themselves describe chemistry, however, a more specific pattern emerges. A recent qualitative study published in Behavioral Sciences, found that while participants acknowledged chemistry could involve multiple elements, the most commonly cited and immediately recognised experience was an instantaneous spark - a felt sense of connection, intensity, or attraction early in an interaction, rather than a gradual assessment of compatibility or emotional safety (Devenport et al., 2025). Why the spark feels so convincing That immediate spark carries weight because it is physiological as much as psychological. Early romantic chemistry is associated with activation of the brain’s reward and motivation systems, including increased dopamine and norepinephrine, which are neurochemicals involved in focus, pursuit, and salience. The body feels energised, attention narrows, and the other person begins to stand out in a way that feels meaningful. This response is not irrational. From an evolutionary perspective, rapid bonding had adaptive value. From a learning perspective, our nervous systems are shaped by repeated relational experiences. Attachment research helps explain why this kind of activation can feel meaningful so quickly. Our nervous systems learn through experience what closeness feels like, and over time they become efficient at recognising familiar patterns. When past intimacy involved emotional intensity or heightened engagement, the body may respond swiftly to similar cues, even before conscious evaluation has a chance to catch up. (Mikulincer et al., 2020). 1Chemistry, then, is neither imagined nor accidental. But it is also not a verdict. It is a signal that arrives early and speaks loudly. When chemistry starts doing more than it should Problems arise when chemistry shifts from being an opening signal to becoming the deciding factor. When people over-index on chemistry, two familiar patterns tend to emerge. In one, the absence of chemistry limits pursuit. Dates can go well. Conversation can flow. The other person may be emotionally available, respectful, even aligned with what someone says they want. And yet, without chemistry, interest stalls. Many people describe this not as rejection, but as resignation: “I know they’re good for me, but I don’t feel anything.” The relationship does not end; it simply never begins. In other cases, the opposite happens. A relationship starts with strong chemistry. People invest quickly and overlook early warning signs. That initial pull shapes the decision to begin the relationship and continues to guide it even if doubts surface. Concerns are registered, but they carry less weight. Over time, it becomes clear how much chemistry has been steering judgment from the beginning. Because the nervous system is activated, the mind works to maintain coherence, often finding reasons to persist rather than pause. In both cases, chemistry is doing more work than it should either preventing people from staying curious enough for other forms of connection to develop or pulling people forward too quickly. What chemistry can and cannot tell you Research consistently shows that long-term relationship satisfaction is far more strongly predicted by responsiveness, repair after conflict, and emotional attunement than by early intensity alone (Overall & Lemay, 2021). Chemistry does not reliably predict these capacities. Chemistry can tell you that your system is activated, your attention is engaged, and something feels compelling or familiar. What it cannot tell you is how conflict will be handled, whether needs will be met consistently, or whether emotional safety will deepen or erode over time. From a nervous-system perspective, this distinction matters. Stephen Porges’ work on Polyvagal Theory describes how the autonomic nervous system continuously scans for cues of safety and threat, shaping whether we feel socially open, vigilant, or withdrawn. When systems are accustomed to high arousal, intensity can be misread as connection and calm can register as disinterest. In such cases, chemistry reflects nervous-system conditioning more than relational compatibility (Porges, 2022). 2The consequences of over-indexing on chemistry often appear later, in hindsight. When chemistry dominates judgment, it can obscure both warning signs and possibilities. Chemistry as one voice among others A more grounded way to relate to chemistry is to treat it as one voice in a larger conversation. It deserves attention, but it should not be allowed to dominate the discussion or determine the outcome on its own. Qualities such as emotional safety, mutual responsiveness, values alignment, and repair after conflict tend to speak more slowly. They require time and exposure to reveal themselves. When chemistry drowns them out, decisions are made with incomplete information. Wanting chemistry is not the problem. The issue arises when it is allowed to outweigh every other form of relational information. Chemistry can open the door, spark curiosity, and make connection feel alive, but sustaining love depends on quieter, more consistent signals - emotional presence, repair, respect, and reliability over time. The goal is not to mute the spark, but to place it in context. Chemistry speaks loudly, but wisdom often emerges only after the initial intensity had time to settle.  References Devenport, L., et al. (2025). Exploring lay understandings of romantic chemistry. Behavioral Sciences, MDPI. https://www.mdpi.com/3592440 Mikulincer, M., Shaver, P. R., & Ein-Dor, T. (2020). Attachment orientations and emotion regulation in close relationships. Current Opinion in Psychology, 25, 86–91. Overall, N. C., & Lemay, E. P. (2021). Attachment, responsiveness, and well-being in romantic relationships. Current Opinion in Psychology, 43, 110–115. Porges, S. W. (2022). Polyvagal theory: A science of safety. Frontiers in Integrative Neuroscience, 16, 871227. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnint.2022.871227 3

Starting Fresh: Setting Intentions & Mindful Beginnings

By Praveen Kaur • January 9, 2026
Welcome to 2026 (You’ve Already Landed) By the time you’re reading this, we are already in 2026. No countdown. No confetti. No dramatic soundtrack. Just you living, showing up, doing your best. Whether you realised it or not, you crossed into this new year carrying something with you. Not a suitcase. Not a planner. A carry-on . The Invisible Luggage We All Bring Your carry-on isn’t visible but it’s always with you. Inside it might be: • Expectations you didn’t consciously choose • Emotional habits you’ve perfected over time • Unfinished conversations (with others… and yourself) • Coping strategies that once helped but now weigh you down And also… because let’s be fair • Resilience • Hard-earned wisdom • Boundaries you finally learned to set • Strength you didn’t know you had Not everything in your carry-on is a burden. But not everything belongs on this journey either. We Don’t Usually Check Our Carry-On Most of us keep moving. We assume: • “This is just how I am.” • “This has always worked for me.” • “I’ll deal with it later.” But over time, the carry-on gets heavier because we get busy “chasing”. What once felt manageable becomes: • Emotional fatigue • Reactivity • Quiet resentment • A sense of being constantly ‘on’ And we wonder why rest doesn’t quite restore us. A Gentle Question for 2026 Pause for a moment and ask yourself: What am I still carrying that I no longer need? Awareness is the first step. Not everything has to be unpacked all at once. What remains unchecked often: • Shapes our reactions • Influences our relationships • Determines how safe, calm or overwhelmed we feel Letting Go Isn’t Losing, It’s Choosing People don’t struggle because they’re broken. They struggle because they’re overloaded . Letting go doesn’t mean dismissing your past. It means honouring it without letting it run the present. In 2026, growth may look less like adding tools and more like: • Unlearning • Softening • Creating space What Deserves Space in Your Carry-On? As this year unfolds, consider revisiting your inner luggage. What’s worth keeping close? • Self-compassion • Curiosity • Honest communication • Support (yes, including professional support) What might be ready to stay behind? • Guilt that no longer teaches • Hyper-independence that isolates • Expectations that were never yours to carry Mental and emotional wellbeing isn’t about arriving lighter overnight. It’s about learning to: • Check in with yourself regularly • Notice when the load feels too heavy • Ask for support before exhaustion sets in Therapy, coaching and nurturing workshops offer a space to gently unpack without judgement, without rushing and without needing to have it all figured out. Moving Through 2026, Intentionally You are allowed to move forward differently this year. Not faster. Not harder. Just more consciously . So, as you continue into 2026, take a quiet moment to ask: What’s in my carry-on and am I ready to travel lighter? Because sometimes, the most meaningful shift isn’t a new destination. It’s what you choose to carry with you along the way.